awake in cold radionic flash, ambient noise, light cascades, environment awash with the orbit of clouds moving at the velocity of fast forwards, gentle drum beats, programmable rhythm's and on auto pilot you plug in, download some memory.

you recently divorced, living in a new life, lost in yourself, identity untethered and random peoples shifting in and out, stealing bits of you that you never had, imprinting corrupted, living on a diet of sex and drugs, the girl left her make up on your bed and that evening after a visit from jake you and he fall asleep on the bed, awash with late afternoon sun, you've been reading narnia to him, and sleep claims you like an gentle friend wrapping you up like a gift to a loved one. but jake he's playing with the make up, smothering his lips in war paint before he to joins me in a dream or two. later the phone rings and its her, waiting outside to take him back, there's so much hostility in her voice, its displaced anger, misplaced and directed at me. I grab the sleeping beauty and run down the steps to hand him over, he stirs, i smile at him as i pass him to her, she looks at his face and screams, 'What the hell are you doing to him, he's a fucking boy, he's a fucking boy, she screams at me and passes him to her team of girlfriends who are looking at me slightly sympathetic, 'you're not going to see him again you pervert.' they drive away and leave me wondering what exactly the trauma is, make up on a kids face or the rant she just hit me with.

flash forwards - 16 years and people always ask me if you are gay. They all assume you are gay, and mention how beautiful you are. I may look puzzled becuase i don't know are really need to know about your sexuality, it makes no difference to me. But i think how strange that people assume you are gay and they also assume i am, possibly becuase we both are feminine in quality and we are independant and keep a clean and tidy home, we are excellent dressers and intrested in art, culture and surround ourselves with women. We have no intrest in sports and we have excellent command of language. In australia this must mean you are gay.

about a year after divorce i ended up living with my lesbian friends, they kinda adopted me and started taking me out to lesbian clubs and bars and gradually i became exposed to gay culture and the only difference between hetro culture and gay culture is in gay culture there's more sex and better drugs and a much more confident approach to life and identity.
i have always been a hetrosexual, i flirted with sexual ambiguity and various avente guarde relationships, but at the end of the day i am 'straight with a twist.' sexuality does not define a person, it's like their spiritual belief, it's just a meme, a prefference.
people are hung up on sexual identity, i think it should be compulsary to try all combinations before selecting the one you want to offer the public.