a few lifetimes ago i was smoking some high quality opium with a dodgy looking mercenary in budapest, he was dressed in these wonderful leather boots that i looked at enviously, a long leather trenchcoat, underneath which was a long barreled pistol, all of which i stole from him after i killed him 3 nights later, on the battlefield.
we had been fighting one another in hills for a couple of days, our men were tired and thirsty, they were a long way from home, we had been fighting so long we had forgottern who the enemy was. one evening, after looking at the wounded and the dead, he marched over waving a white flag and suggested a 48 hour truce, thus we found ourselves in the chinese quarter, induldging in some narcotic pleasure.
anyways he says to me, 'so what exactly are you the captain off?'
'i am captain of my own ship, the one that has no name.'
He just smiled, acknowledging me, looking at my gaze as the opium hit.
i smiled back, he laughed.
that was a long time ago when men repected honour, a time when men were islands, a time when men sought their destiny by going of to war, battle, journeys, adventures. to seek your fortune is to seek your soul, it's always been a metaphor, it's the journey not the destination.
nowadays people don't even look in your eyes, there is no acknowlegement of the brotherhood of men, there is no brotherhood, unless you been divorced, lost your kids, paying huge amounts of cash to the child support agency for kids you never see, yeah it's not quite cynisism, it's a defeated exchange, i see it all the time, hollow men, broken, eyes floating in tears, i see the hard and arbitory wear and tear time and experience plays upon men and i see how they let go of their dream, they give up, they cry in silence alone, becuase they can't reach the destination, never knowing that they have.
i guess what i am trying to say is that life does and will beat you, it will fuck you over, you will be battered and defeated, the scars and bruises will be interior, no one can see them unless you know how to look, no one will talk about it, it just lies in the soul. these men surround me, their words are empty, void of freedom, they are trapped in prisons without bars, they are wounded and hurt, bitter and twisted, unable to believe in anything, unable to believe in themselves.
i was one of these men, i was cast adift, landscape unfamiliar, surrounded by fear, sourrounded by death. everyman needs to look into his own eyes, face his own mortality, face death and laugh. Laugh at death and you are free to live.
how many men can say they are free, its a tall order, even in these democratic daze, the promise of liberty, freedom has brought us a new type of slavery.
Are you free?
3 comments:
thats pretty cool. sounds like a bad dose of the larval blues.
laugh at death, bridge the circuit-perilous, metamorphose, free your head and surf the cellular high-ways.
your body is your spacetime ship. freedom is your ablity to upload. if you dont know where youre going it dont matter which road you take.
democracy dont have squat to do with freedom, like you say. well, other than the freedom to choose who you will be enslaved to of course.
maybe thats freedom....i dont know.
maybe it all begins with male incompetance before women/girls.
larval males getting sucked by their juvenile wiring to be only fucked over by females unknowingly working away on a more intelligent circuit (however misapplied).
all those good old boys setting of on manly adventures were simply males uploading, pushing through their pubescent imprints to become actual men - males of the species no longer oriented by juvenile molecular-electrics.
girls are pushed thru it biologically without choice - meganature needs at least half of any species to be operating as adults. but males - when it feels so good moping around as adolescants for 40/50/60 years, blindly at the mercy of crude reproductive and geo-political chemical secretions - why grow up.
the movers of heavy objects and provders of sperm, most men have such retarded images of themselves its really not suprising they end up with the problems they do.
braindamaged by education sstems that teach them nothing about themselves, 3000 years of negligible information being passed down on how to fully function as males via the most effective campaign of information restricton in ALL time.
not even kim il song could censor information over 700 hundred generations as effectively as the macho male 'dont talk about it' policy.
females simply have an edge because they allow information to flow (marginally at times) more freely.
human men on planet earth are the most effective form of information restriction in the last 4,000,000,000 years around this sun.
and we wonder why we get fucked over by women.
captain your own boat by getting a girl on board to asist in the navigation.
Hey there...it's not that easy from the other side either you know. Woman here, divorced, got the kids, got the child support but I'm trapped and fucked over too. I'm free on the inside but trapped in android world on the outside. We women cry in silence alone too. I long to return to the carefree, bohemian non-materialistic life my android ex took away from me, but I do owe something to my bairns. Have to work, have to feed'em, clothe'em, that kinda stuff. Be 'responsible'. They didn't ask to be born. Two more years then I'm me again, just me, can go and dance at the water's edge, roll in the surf, run barefooted on the sand, shout from the cliff top. We all have a destination, we can all reach it if we put our minds to it. My mind is rich, has many depths and levels, its all mine, no-one else knows what goes on in it. People can fuck with it, but at the end of the day they can't get down to the bottom and spoil it. I don't write off all you guys just cos one tried to make me into someone else, that's my freedom.
Pardon me for butting in tho', got carried away reading your blog Captain. Twentyish years ago lived in Newport, Avalon, Mona Vale, DY. You like the same kinda music and stuff as me, don't know anyone out here in materialistic middle-class middle-England who does. Backpacking hippy who wanted to stay but they took away my passport til I had a ticket back to grim grey grimey England where I am right now following blog links. How sad is that...? No but really, bin followin' links and reliving happy days in Sydney, read about Grant G-B, found SK's blog, left Sydney with backpack full of Church music, pondering whether to go to London gig. That kinda stuff, you know?
Manda
Hi Manda
Thanks for your honesty and welcome aboard. Yeah look, in my earlier posts i did write about freedom lies in meeting ones responsibilites and how a man can only claim that honour by accepting their responsibilites. Yesterdays post was a somewhat obtuse look at how i seem to be surrounded by these bitter and twisted men, who have given up on themselves becuase they do not face their responsibilities, i sunk into that role for a year or so, its easy to blame some one else, to avoid responsibility but that is not the path to freedom or manhood.
Well i seemed to be living inversley to you, havng left London 20 years ago and starting a family here in australia, my son now 18. I do occasionally travel back and was considering going this month to catch the church gigs but i ran outta time. If you have the oppurtunity to see them i would go, the acustic shows are amazing, i have seen several now and they are equally as powerful as the electric shows but have a warmer intimacy and as a listener one can appreciate the intricate details of the sound and structures their songs make. If possible go say hi to the guys after, they are lovely people, friendly and approachable.
It's funny thinking you were here 20 years ago, i wonder if we crossed paths at all. Avalon has changed so much, its grown into a thriving little mini town, playground for the rich and famous, it's lost its atmosphere a bit and gone all corperate but newport is still punk.
Well if yr down this way, drop in say hi.
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