back from the airport having dropped emilie off, she's of to visit gold coast husband, dave with the dumb dog, am i jealous, envious, upset, disappointed? nope, no hostile feelings whatsoever, no rage boiling under the surface, thoughts of vengence or revenge, no silent sighs, or flickering images of abandonment, no the simple truth is i love emilie, which is why despite all the freaking oppurtunities that occurred in last night's haze of exotic smoke and green tinged elixiers, jaque breul playing in the background, i managed to maintain self control, and the moment she made her move, those georgous lips, the lips that i see when i close my eyes, they fluttered their way towards mine, butterfly kiss, i got my wish, a kiss that said more than any book i ever read, a kiss that equates to every moment i longed for, dreamed of and desired, all time had come to focus upon this simple act that melting moment, that forever now and i and smiled saying, 'mmm you smell nice.' there was no return kiss, my lips remained still, my heart beat slowed under the guidence of techniques mastered over the last 3 years, thanks, Dr. Hyatt.
emilie read me exerpts from her novel, the narrative had been transalated from french to english and i could hear the language difference as she read, but this was not influencing the story in a negative way, in fact quite the contary, the more she read the more i found myself emmersed in her style, the story and it's descriptions, yeah, she's got it, the writers thing, the curse or is it a blessing? i read enough to know about it, she's got it in spades, it falls out of every pore in her beautiful luminous skin, the girls a fucking genuis and i am the only one who knows, what's going on here? it's an inversion of the frankenstien story, the crazy eccentric old magickian creates the woman of his dreams, the perfect partner who seduces him with her brain, he recognises her power all that beauty all that intellect in one individual is to much, it could only self destruct, he sees all of his life reflected in hers, not a mirror, no this is phenomoneon, this has potentiality, the union of both can create something awesome, it's shamanic. however the magickian extracts the brain and keeps it in a pool of nutrients, places it in his chambers suspended from the cieling, it's diembodied voice, still emilies, but this time emminating from the speakers above the dining table where he enjoys their conversations and humourous discussions, while he drinks wine and eats blueberry ice cream, he knows she will never destroy him as long as he maintains dominance and control by no control, the moment he capitulates she will use her brain to hack the system, throw herself together a new body and escape, consequently, the relationship is demanding and energy consuming, yet it is everything it can be. but being male the magickian's desires get the better of him and one hot summer evening, just before those north breezes kick in, he implants the brain into a body he has laying around, purely for hedonstic purposes, to consumate their relationship. we all know it ends in tears.
but whose?


yeah well on the drive back, through the rain, the streets uncurled in front of me like a video game, and my car, at long reef skidded, yeah skidded, outta control, just like a movie, while inside, pan and i exchanged a glance through my rear veiw mirror, time did not cease but warped and i knew that there was nothing i could do to regain control, just skid into the events and hope that the millions of things that could hit us miss and we them. I think that some where else in my blog i spoke about the way death and i relate, it's a friendship that i've had since i was a kid, occassionally we connect and catch up, always at poinent moments, it's not like we seek one another, it's not like we even have much to say to one another anymore, it's more a casual affair that's lasted a life time, and one day deaths going to come and marry me but it wasn't today. Today was a day death pecked me on the cheek and said, 'remember, i always give you what you want, and i always take it away.'
And today i gave emilie a hug, bit her on the lip and put her on the plane, despite her texts for me to return and kiss her , i didn't, i may be romantic but i am original and the script we write is clique free, well maybe not but long goodbyes at the airport..... i hope i drew a little blood, i hope that tiny bite mark irritates her all week, to the point it becomes a gentle throb bordering on irritational pain and discomfort, and i hope that when she runs her tougue over her lip she thinks of me and smiles.

meanwhile my plan for the week is health, lots of excersise, meditation, yoga and generally develop my body, which i often neglect due to lack of intrest. However emilie said she would fuck me if i develop a six pack and a challenge like that is kinda hard to ignore from a girl like her.