you quoting poe to the sikh parking inspector

i read that in sk's blog this morning and thought, far out that's the best line ever written, i mean it's just perfect, Fuck i wish i wrote it. i love that line, its speaks volumes and conjures images, its 8 perfect words strewn together that almost invoke an unwritten novel.

its been a funny old day today, me wandering around in the rain, trying to find the end of the rainbow, it came outta no where, pan and i just kind of saw it there in all its glory, even though that light shower drenched us, the wind had this cold bite, the sun just came through, sparkle in the rain, we were at the foot of the rainbow, i thought all that was impossible but there we was, the clouds looking all ominous and biblical, i was pulled from my actions and something hit me, strange thoughts.
If a child is sexually abused and that is it's first sexual experience, it will always associate sex with feeling bad, perhaps go on to choose sexual experiences that instill shame, perhaps choose partners that make them match their imprinted sex circuit. so how does one re imprint this sexual anomaly so that relationships can be more satisfying and wholesome.
it's a strange thought to have when you get to the end of the rainbow, but there it was. it has a certain relevance, i spent a lot of years working with both survivors and perps of sexual abuse, plus i have a few close friends who have shared their horrific stories about their sexual abuse history and i thought about specific people and the relationships they had and sure enough, they were all (or so it seems) in relationships where the abuse was constantly re enacted or kept alive. the sexual experience is one of the most powerful experiences any individual can have, yet the stats for csa (child sexual abuse) in Australia is huge, epidemic even. So here is a population of people that have never dealt with these issues or only scratched the surface, who continually place themselves in situations where they can re experience the shame of sex. Now this may take many forms, the most common is sex with an unloving partner, in the morning, i guess everyone goes their own separate ways (these days known as a fuck buddy) yet there is inevitably a feeling that is empty, hollow and unfulfilling with this experience.
Does it always come from sexual abuse, no. I' ve had plenty of sexual experiences where the anninomity makes the experience a turn on, however i am concious of this and piolet my own experience.
It stems from the general feeling of self worth and image that people have about themselves, 'i don't deserve love.' Girls are great examples at this because we all know how they operate, attracted to the men that are somewhat indifferent, hostile, loud, brash, rude and aggressive to them, why? When the loving, sensitive, caring guy gets walked all over.
Men know how to keep their women, the old adage 'treat them mean keep them keen' having been part of the secret brotherhood for many years still works effectively, only now it seems to be the women that use it and the men that act as pawns. However that's a different story, the fact is most men play the role of mean partner because that's what is expected to maintain a good relationship with their partner. I know this as most men do. And sadly it works, women are plugged into the game. For example, given the right pheromone activity, if a man wants to maintain interest with a specific girl, he just keeps detatched, acts indifferent. This could be a genetic thing, women attract to good mates who have good dna but they often mistake that loud, aggressive, indifferent approach for a sign of strength or leadership, yet we know that it's just a sign of loudest primate. Hence the loud beer soaked dumb sporty type always gets the girl, the literate, philosophical, quiet achiever never gets the girl, yet he is the strongest, with the most suitable dna.
women make this mistake over and over, it's a mistake that can cost us civilization, select your breeding partner well, don't confuse aggression with strength, think of the tree and the blade of grass, in the wind, which one breaks?