Tuesday, October 18, 2022

can't sleep these days, up so early the first rays of dawn stream in through the shades and i react like an over sensitive vampyre. the taste of blood in my mouth, i kid you not! i seem to be covered in blood, down one arm, along my lower face, and the sheets are sticky, and not in a groovy way. it is indeed blood. i have a very bad nose bleed. not sure how this happened but the metallic taste is making my throat feel dry and dessert like. i rummage around for some sunglasses. i feel my reading glasses,  a half read book that lays open on the floor and there is my phone. 
no sign of sunglasses. 
i take a shower and then coffee before i can feel half human, tiredness creases up my eyes, slightly bloodshot and something acutely out of whack . jesus i have not slept well for a few days. my brain races with a million ideas, it's so overwhelming i can't single one out from all the psychedelia. 
times like these i like to focus on something, so i pick book from the pile, something very random. oh no, it's the bible. i only have old testaments around. the new is kinda groovy and nice, a hippy from a tribe does some magick tricks and speaks of love, he's killed for it and comes back from the dead. but the old is filled with sex, drugs and high weirdness. who is this god druid smiting, directing and manifesting as burning trees? leading people through a 40 year desert, being all cosmic and vast, unknowable by only a select few bearded druids who underwent trails and tribulations. is there any escape from that kinda force. i often describe god as the dimension all other dimensions exist within. the old testament god is like that so i dig it's expansive narrative. some of those characters, undercover prophets yelling out at the mysterious director of their fate, 'no no, not me, i'm not worthy.'
but the hand that reached out through the crack in the sky is pointing directly at them,  'you will go to jaffa, you will spend a few months in the dessert, you will climb that mount, you will warn the population.'
'no no i'm not worthy,' straight into the whales mouth.
out of all the thousands of books i have, weird fictions, non fictions, books on magick, books on weird super-nature and books on geo politics, this morning my hand fell upon this. i've always found genesis the best and most significant part, basically the first three chapters as they kind of allude to the concept of creation and i feel this is the fundamental point of man, to create art. my fingers flick through the pages and find the line, 'let there be light.'
what is that light, it can't just be energy from the sun, it has to be a word of multiple meanings and concepts all tied into creation. the artists mind is light, the soul. 
i wonder if in order to see what is created you also require light.
could light also mean spiritual truth.
and this morning i am bathed in light. (can't find my socks)


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