the war within is the only war worth fighting krishna said to me as we chowed down on vegan noodle salad.
he was looking good in his goldern suit and chauffeur's hat.
it had been a long time since we had seen one another and yesterday he seemed to appear on my doorstep offerring me a ride and some company.
to be honest it had been a while since i had spoken to anyone, the days had blended into some kind of weird malaise nightmare where i was wrestling with imput output signals, the white noise that was filtering into my head and the weighty affairs of the heart that had taken me out for these last 9 months. 
'9 months,' krishna said after a pregnant pause, 'you need to birth something now. seems like you are just going through the pain. i have some anesthesia if you want some but recommend you just feel it all eu natural.'
'but it's so fucking painful.'
'yeah well it's one way of looking i guess,' he says as he finishes of the last remnant of tofu.
'perception, i understand it all but applying it at the moment makes my brain hurt and i come over all foggy.'
'mmm, that's that fucking inner child mission, it's just been triggered and now it wants to be heard.'
'well it's driving me mental. it's sabotaging everything. it's not who i am.'
'ah well it's who you were at a very impressionable age, and the imprint was locked up and it is now released and you should be very accomplished at processing it. considering all your capabilities.'
'i'm stuck with this one krishna.'
'this is the battlefield. am i incorrect old friend?'
'nope, you speak truth. it's why i love you man.'
'the war is inside. it's two parts of your nature in conflict. there are ways you can all loose and ways you can all win.'
'the only way to win is not to go into battle.'
'yes, you can let it all go. but that part that has been unleashed will never get what it wants.'
'how do i fight myself, it's tearing me apart.'
'give that part of yourself what it wants, don't expect anyone else to be there for you, you were born alone and it looks like you may even die alone. so make certain you have repaired the damage and if you die alone you are whole.'
'fuck k, don't hold back hey, i'm suddenly not as invulnerable as i once thought.'
'are you going to finish that salad?'
'have it man, i've lost my appetite.'
'let's order some dessert, the cake looks really good.'
i look into his loving eyes and whisper, 'i feel so sick.'