i'm afflicted with some sort of madness, an inner rage, it's idiotic representation smogs my judgment and disturbs me deeply. it's risen from deep within, the swords in my back grow in number, my core is damaged and i'm out of control heading into darkest space alone. 
i feel as if i'm split into two now, one part representing light the other an awful malevolent aspect of myself, a self-loathing and destructive component. is this my inner child expressing itself freely and is it the one that resents love?
i just don't know. it feels like confusion and anger.
i'm ashamed of it, the way it moves through my world now, where did it manifest from. why is it in me?
i read that the twin flames bring this out in one another but i had no idea this was inside me, a form of hate. what exactly do i hate. her?
or myself?
she is undeniably profoundly perfect even with her flaws. which leaves me.
so i must be the love that has turned in upon itself. a form of self-loathing projected outwards.
how do i heal from that?
the only way out is through. i have no choice but to go further through the process alone again. i must find my devotion, it's gone from me. i feel its loss, and i can't risk this void sprouting forth some vampyric entity like before.