well as we are all aware my spell to bring the past back for me to correct itself, my wish to reverse the flow of time and resolve all unresolved issues while creating a new and very bright future is happening, and almost coming to a conclusion while the future is about to go supernova.
i received a call from an ex girlfriend who is now quite high up and well respected in the social work field, she offered me a very interesting proposition and i will be meeting her tomorrow. but the strangest thing is as we spoke into the early hours many things rose from the surface of our past. possibly the most turbulent part of my history for she was also my lover. we spoke about the strange and twisted time, the two years after my divorce, my decent into madness and my awful shadow nature revealed to me. the conversation was extremely difficult for us, really hard going in parts but we knew it was time and worked through the issues and memories, my god, we'd survived murder attempts, sabotage, death threats, extreme situations, sexual depravity and self loathing, it was a very messed up time, i was in deep trauma having lost everything so suddenly and adrift in circumstances i could not control, i rode the currents of warfare that a wife holds over a guilty husband and i actively sought out an exit, anything for a quick get out of life option, i was mad and my pursuit of destruction resulted in, my death at the hand of another madman, as he quizzed the life from me, his hands wrapped around my throat, he looked at me and suddenly threw his hands up in abject shock and fear as he saw my smile. my total lack of resistance, the peace and calm that i found in that moment was the freedom i needed, and when he ran out the building i stood up and in a moment self reflection was surprised to feel, disappointed.
soon after that i left and began a different period of my life, but i knew something was wrong and i knew that i was avoiding my destiny, and i knew that i needed to turn my life around. which i did.
so here i am 17 years later, healing the damage, because i cast my spell.