unlike most people of sydney i miss the sunshine, those hot nights were kinda great, i'd be up really late covered in sweat, do some yoga and read, watch some dvds, drink two litres of water and generally fuck around in mission control naked. it was like a night holiday., although the rain that has come is honoured, deep down it is but i have had so many years of it in london that my childhood memories are the same colour. the rain reminds me of something past, long gone, it always does, possibly some past life issue but whatever it is and wherever it comes from, it's very deep. anyways i was missing the sunshine until i was reminded to 'love the rain.' and there you go, angelic advice coming from the strangest place. i call it cupcake wisdom. every little cupcake should come with words as profound.

anyways i had a big meeting at work, i was trying to be sensitive to the other parties paranoia because if you suffer from paranoia, these meetings can be very disturbing. so we are sitting on the balcony, he's eating his breakfast and i am asking him what he wants to do in the following year, he's stuck for ideas and to be honest i think he just wants to know why i'm asking him but i have to get something to write so i suggest having a holiday and perhaps catching a few shows. he thinks these are pretty non threatening and safe so he agrees. that's it. i leave him to finish his breakfast but i'm thinking, 'jesus i'm more paranoid than he is.'


i wander down to the steps of love, i'm feeling empty and in need of some care, when i came face to face with the enemy my enemy. she says to me, 'why do you hate me?'
'why do you hate me?' i reply.
'i don't.' she whispers.
'and i don't hate you.' i smile.