eating salad with my friend sue, we discuss the calamities of man and woman, we look at the morality of nature, and we wonder about the next few months, how we focus now upon the things that matter, i decide today to give up coffee again, i decide that i will do the cycle class at the gym and i decide that i have the love i need to continue onwards without any detractors. such pity and sadness is wasted upon the zombie horde. we discuss the way women have trapped men and men have trapped women, the inevitable destructive nature of mindlessness imprinting and how difficult it is to undo the genetic imperative unless you have supreme will power and insight.
somehow i have slipped into the persona of local deliverer of plant magick, my clients are legion and diverse. i like them all, they like me, they love my product and they love my nature, even the hordes of bikers and ex cons seem to embrace my product, i am the carrier of peace and revelation, my substances will set you free. they all want more, they are all speaking highly about the plant medicine, they are all plugged in and when they look at me, they see only the eyes of tranquility and self realisation. they sigh in wonderment and ponderous envy as i release them from their suffering. i am just the messenger i say, i am the vessel.

depression is a terrible thing, i'm feeling so sad. fuck it! i really thought i had a friend, i really did, yet at the back of my mind it was always there, that intuition warning me there will not be a happy ending for you captain mission. well i knew that, so i only have myself to blame, nothing lasts forever and i do have lots of good memories this time around, better than before, at least i was never hit this time although sometimes being hit is actually better than being degraded by words, at least you can put a packet of peas on the wound and it fades away. but you know i am sensitive, i do feel deeply, i can't help that, i'm a hsp which makes my ability to have lots of friends impossible. is that a bad thing, i dunno, it's all i ever known. i don't like being attacked by people who are close to me. it's terrible, the only other person that does this is my mother and she's just like miss cupcake, so what choice do i have. narcissistic personality vs hsp.
so here we are after a long day, kicking back at mission control after a massive search for my usb stick, transferring stuff on my computers, watching the politicians shout at one another, waiting for some inspiration, looking at my guitar and thinking about the surf report for tomorrow.