the best tv show this year is actually a few years old, and i had already read the books. it's called 'the expanse' and it's a science fiction 6 series story although there are 10  novels.

the story is at a basic level first contact but it's obviously much more, as each series has its own theme that pushes the story forwards. it's political as fuck, gritty and humane. again the characters have great story arcs, their inter personal relationships are complex and humorous and as the series progresses you can see each member of the crew has a history they are attempting to escape but just keeps catching up with them. there is one storyline that needed to continue, it just seemed to vanish but it only makes an appearance in the last season. however the books continue much further.

research tells me that the show was axed suddenly and prematurely which  makes season 6 seem rushed and without the time to draw the conclusion out satisfactory, but it's nonetheless still good and the resolution excellent.

reading this year has been slim pickings, i started a lot of books i had to finish but regretted starting. my pile of books to give away / sell down the market is growing larger, and i'm feeling a general disappointment in the quality and type of story telling i seem to enjoy and then along came, steve's new book.

it's a novella, and it's a companion piece to the album although can be read independently.
i guess the book kinda pieces the album together in a way that gives it a linear structure and assessable coherency as a concept album. 
i guess the first thing that hooked me was the style, it's written as a fast paced kinetic adventure / mystery but you can hear steve's voice reading it. you can follow his flow, pick up on the nuances and humour, the way characters reflect reality, the pace, the timing and the little deviations he makes. it's a rock and roll novel, sex, drugs and gigs, interpersonal relationships, and writers block. 

a famous respected but fading rock star eros zeta addicted to a drug that is getting him nowhere creatively, a relationship that just reenforces the drug habit and a lack of inspiration, eros hears about the strange device known as the hypnogogue that offers to pull great art from artists while they dream, a device that is part spiritual, part machine, part organic, part technological, part extra dimensional, possibly alien or maybe a mixture of all. 
this is the science fiction element which resonates with me, i love sci fi and it's very rare to find a novel that can capture science fiction well and in an authentic way, true to what the ethos of science fiction is and should be.
this managed to do that. it took two days to read but at a slow loving pace, i really soaked up the atmospheres and the descriptions. it's not convoluted or high brow, just a great story, well written with a poetic layer that steve excels at in all his art.
book of the year by a mile! 

genuinely, i have not read anything this year as good.

my only criticism is it should have been longer, i didn't want it to end.

as i strive for peace and love it's very difficult not to be at war with my shadow side, a cynical, part angry, part disappointed, part fatalistic jaded man who cannot understand the way the zombies have taken over the world. i always said, aim for the head. 

anyway here i am if you want me zombie horde but i will go down fighting you all until i can't and then i will transition to a new level of existence where i will be free of you all. the zombie hordes of ignorance, fear and hate. those whose ideology has taken over their brain parts and now seeks others to consume. ideologies of extreme hate, irrational and inverted. they are everywhere. 

a few thousand years ago a jewish guy was born, he was an odd ball who didn't fit in. he didn't like the way people put materialism before spirit, he didn't like memes that infected the zombies of his age, he didn't like exploitation and he went of to learn from the holy druids for a few years, he studied kabbalah (as evidenced within the lords prayer) he then returned to his people to lead them towards love. as usual the authorities determined he should be executed. but you can't kill a good idea and love is a pretty dam perfect one. 

love your enemies.

a statement that is possibly the most powerful i've ever heard. off course it don't mean you can't kill them, it means much more than that. 

so in this terrible year of suffering, (arn't they all) on this xmas season, i love my enemy. the islama- fascists, the weird jew haters and hypocritical left wingers and the so called greens who all aligned themselves with the extreme right wing fascists, the real ones. i hope your turkey of ideology gets well roasted until it's burnt to a crisp and you choke on it. and while you choke, i will watch with love.

merry xmas 

i seem to be going through a stranglers revival, i really liked that band and now i can't stop listening to them. they were probably the most interesting punk band in the sense that they did change their direction many times, and challenge their audience to the point of loosing them and then gaining a new one. they were loud, brash, sexist, menacing, un-apologetically following their own star until hugh cornwall discovered heroin and wrote 'golden brown' a song that was top of the pops globally. 
with a record label expecting a follow up hit they released a 14 minite waltz sung in french. that was the stranglers, sticking it to the man all the way. they imploded due to internal friction and regrouped without hugh. sad but they still pushed forwards and made some great songs. 
to see them live was a joy, everyone wearing black and sneering, part goth part punk, a strange hybrid that worked for me.

possibly the most obtuse stranglers album is, 'the men in black'  but i personally really liked the two albums 'feline' and 'la folie.' the strange energy of these two albums, slow and strangely electronic, not pop songs or rock, something different.

the band had a keyboard player called dave greenfield, he was amazing and accomplished, slightly autistic. it would not be unusual to hear him playing harpsichord, mellatron, hammond or baby grand. they guy was a wizard on the keyboard. one of my fave songs is the kick ass cover of 'walk on by' which has the delivery of a man who is really feeling it. not love in it's classic post romance incarnation but love as an angry bitter energy. 

it really is a great song, dionne warwick's version pales into insignificance after this version. i am pretty sure i still have the single somewhere.

'just go for a stroll in the trees...' 

and then cue dave greenfield banging away and that power bass from old jj. it's so rare a cover outclasses the original. but listen good.

i guess the stranglers are quintessentially a london band but jj was a frenchman, and he plays base unlike anyone else, always pumping along relentlessly. brilliant.

dave and the drummer jet black are dead now but the band still carries onward, not quite the same but still interesting. ever changing yet keeping that distinctive sound.

as far as lyrics, go check out 'genetix' from the album the raven or 'no more heroes anymore.'

a band singing about genetic modification and gene splicing in one song and leon trotsky, sancho panza in another. 

not my fave band but a worthy band, 'the stranglers.'

 

its weird watching some show where they are explaining the pop band 'wham' has a number one hit in the uk with that irritating song, 'last christmas.'
i knew those guys and girls from wham, it's so weird that they ever made it so big, but george was pretty ambitious and driven. i must admit i loathe their music. 

while they were on the ascent i was playing lou reed and bowie covers in a band called the blue meanines with a bunch of south london misfits. we were no pop stars, we were the opposite, sort of arrogant, ugly, unruly, not a club band but a garage one. we did have one musician who played guitar and guided us through our follies. i am still very good friends with tez. and we had one talented  musician who played keyboards. he's gone on to do amazing things. the rest were more pirate than players. martin von donaldson looked like ziggy but played like keef, mano our intrepid spanish base player who liked the jazz cigarettes. tez was like a sage, he had experience and wisdom, we all looked up to him, even me with my weird outta whack singing, and cavorting. there was no way were were pop star material like those wham boys, but we had a certain mystique and appeal to the more avant garde, a soul and depth. no songs about xmas and broken hearts, just crack baby crack i just want your sex, we were all sneer and spite.

anyways, my memories of wham are fading, i was good friends with both of them especially shirley whom went on to marry martin kemp from that god awful spandu ballet, but when i knew her she was a punk.

yeah, last christmas i gave you my heart.

yesterday threatened rain all day, today delivers as mission control battens down the hatches,  and prepares for deluge. i manage to put some indoor plants outside for a soaking, not all but some, i can rotate tomorrow. it's grey and the constant sound of rainfall drives me nuts like a slow torture. my garden however is in ecstacy as the ferns and flowering bromeliads, the wilting tiger grass and towering black bamboo all dance with the joy only rainfall can bring. it's glorious to watch from inside.

and inside i watch a few episodes of 'the expanse' and strangely discover there are two series which i didn't even know existed. it's becoming a very interesting story, an amalgamation of the book series,  and i am really enjoying the styling and production values. the whole thing works well as there is a nice attention to detail plus a creative effect which lays just over the surface, like to strange hybrid languages factions converse in,  the three dimensional characters and the black humour. everyone is awkward and no one really seems to know what they are doing. it's good.

well the specialist didn't have good news for me, and it looks like i may have to return to hospital for some more weird procedures and experimentation early next year. this came as a blow to me, i was kinda hoping i could put it all behind me, and move forwards. i can't really move anywhere now.

still time pushes on, events pivot, the background changes colour but the foreground is the same. conclusions become beginnings, it's always the way, a never ending story because it is one big long story of cycles and loops. i am indeed a strange loop. but i move ever forwards. the knight of nights.

in the mid east the same old situation, the west getting everything inverted as it tells isreal to stop the war, ceasefire now! all that sounds good in theory but they are telling the wrong side, if they want to stop the war they should tell hamas to release hostages, they should ask why hamas broke the last ceasefire or let israel finish what it must do. there's agendas at play, only those with x ray vision can see it. it's been like that for many many decades but on it goes.

i wake up super early, go through my morning rituals. i even manage to do some gardening at 6am. it's very overcast, grey and heavy skies threaten storms. i batten down the hatches,  make sure my supplies are stocked before deluge falls. it's weirdly humid, sweat beads form as soon as i emerge from the shower. a dog barks, everything feels very ominous as if the sun is about to flare.

good news is i can start 'eros zeta' today. yay!

i'm about to see the specialist, maybe i can make a full recovery like last time, it's not impossible. in the meantime my love life is beginning to look interesting. i feel ready so i guess the cosmos is sending me some applicants. 
my best friend died having sex with a brazilian stripper just as they were going to go out for dinner, it always seemed like the best way to go. the weather has been humid and bright, i've been waking up at dawn and catching waves, despite average surf one wave in every hundred makes it worthwhile. i ride that baby in zen style, the solar system imploding in my brain. everything happening all at once, it's incredible. then there's the house, i throw myself into some hardcore domestics. jakob helps clear two rooms, i still have about 300 books to sell, next market day. i've decided to cut price down to $5 each. come on, these are quality life changing novels, you will thank me for them later.
i've had to slow down at work, i can't do everything so i'm delegating. it's good, i gotta remember i'm an old man not a teenager.  a slimmer one too. all that hospital food and i dropped dramatically. i just couldn't eat that junk. 
must admit during this period where half the population of earth wants to kill me and mine i am enjoying watching 'the expanse' again. it's a great series if you like science fiction with a political twist. i also love watching the un ambassador to isreal give his speeches to the assembly, he's so good. it's about time someone told those bastards how useless they are.
i've been reading a fair amount as well but nothing spectacular, i'm about to read 'eros zeta and the hypnogogue.' 
i'll post a review soon. 

i'm doing laundry today, heaps off it. it's taking over the whole day spilling into my down time but it feels good getting it done. there's rain on the way so i hope it all drys out by dusk.

the difference between me and you is simple. when a bunch of people behead and murder babies, children, mothers and fathers, people dancing at a 'peace' rave, which the attackers video and then kidnap rape and torture women, kids and grannies leaving a trail of butchery behind for their followers to rejoice in, i don't go out on the streets and celebrate. i don't wave a flag or shout out to my god, what a great day it is, or how happy i am. 
yeah i am jewish by birth, i have very little interest in the religion but having been and lived in israel many times over the years i know what an exceptional country it really is, why amazing people choose to live there, no matter what their religion, or ethnicity. i worked with many palestinians who love isreal because they are free to be who they want to be without the threat of being thrown of a rooftop or dragged bound and chain by a motorbike because of their sexuality or desire to be free from authoritarian control. despite the lies there is no apathid for any israeli citizen.

i picked olives in an orchard with palestinians who loved isreal, loved their lives and laughed with me in the sun as brothers. many isrealis are married to palestinians, but you would never read that in the guardian or the abc.

jewish isreali children are not indoctrinated from birth to hate their enemy, quite the opposite.
the biggest mistake most people make is to equate the issue of thinking israel is separate from judaism. it is not. the israelis are not murdered because they are israelis, they are murdered because they are jews. 

it's very obvious to any astute political thinker, it's nothing to do with land.
evidence of this is global as attacks upon jews before the state of isreal and the way it has been minimized after the state of isreal was declared. murders and attacks occur everywhere in europe towards jews. it's just not reported. just like the pakistani grooming gangs are not reported or the rape culture in sweden was never reported. it's often covered up, it's usually dismissed for a number of reasons. first being the amount of islamic immigration into western democracies that most politicians have to supplicate. 

they vote and people want their vote. 

politicians don't have principles anymore, there are no great leaders, just dependents. dependent upon the vote.

another reason is the amount of pure hatred, jealously and resentment most people have towards jews. left and right side of politics, they hate jews and these days it's unfashionable to attack a minority so they attack israel which ironically is a minority.  a single secular jewish state in an ocean of muslim ones. 

and for all you anti- white colonial haters out there isreal is not 'white.' 

commentary like thinking it's comprised of europians is just dumb, and very obviously ignorant.

i am a good example of that. jews are multi ethnic, including asian and african.

so, a peace rave huh, i mean that's liberation!

citizens from all over the planet, dancing for peace. and you dance on the streets because you see it as a 'celebration' they were gunned down, beheaded brutally raped and kidnapped.

you don't want to believe it, its a conspiracy, where's the proof you scream. and after having the proof you still won't believe it because your sickness is deranged and pathological.

i've been in isreal at war, when isreal defends itself its citizens are very solemn and, all, yes all, feel tragically for the people in gaza. i know this because i have seen it and felt it myself so for me it is real. i respect the sanctity the jews have for life itself despite what the media and harvard promotes. the media is a self perpetuating hate machine, it needs conflict, chaos and war. it needs division, just like our masters. and both gaza and isreal are puppets manipulated by a deep deeper state that really pulls the strings of everyone, especially now as conflict, war, fear is exactly what distracts us from the criminal activities of our own governments. the ones that support isreal at the same time they fund iran. the ones that promote peace are the ones that make war. 
unlike you. i do stand with isreal, neither because i am perceived as jewish but because i understand antisemitism and those that perpetrate it.
thousands of pro hamas people were firing flares at an opera house that was  lit up in blue and white light, in a token-like gesture.  no 'star of david' in sight because that would just be to much. the police allowed these supporters to yell, 'gas the jews.'

and there were thousands of them. in fact the police arrested, the only arrest, a jewish man who was there with his flag to pay his respect to the dead.

while these people have a right to march and support their side, what they were doing was celebrating a death cult, with a police escort, while a single man with an israel flag was arrested for showing his solidarity with israel's dead. in subsequent marches jews were told to stay away, remove all emblems of identification as jews as this is to much of a provocation. this don't effect me at all but it is disgusting and the way everyone is complicit in their silence is equally disgusting. 

sure you can hate us, i know you do. i feel it everyday and have done since i was a child at skool, i've seen it from friends, ex girlfriends and an ex wife, people i meet through my life, intelligent lovely people suddenly show their pathology without understanding i may be of jewish decent. they just spill the beans, it pours out eventually. it don't scare or intimidate me, i'm very used to it. most jews, even the ones that don't support israel know deep down they will be someones target down the line, they just are far to frightened to admit it thus they mostly are the left wing appeasers. they are the optimists who stayed in germany at the rise of the nazis thinking, it will get better while pessimists left. 

i don't blame them, i used to think like them until i witnessed what occurred in europe with salmon rushdie and the many incidents where terrorists killed jews by hijacking aircraft or massacring an isreali olympic team here or there while the rest of the world was indifferent. 

anyone recall the arab oil embargo.

salmon rusdie!

you all know the story but what you may not know is what occurred in its wake. 

a committee called the islamic council was formed, it was an advisory body that would screen / filter everything published and promoted in the uk and europe that pertained to islam or muslims. it would approve or disapprove every publication from newspaper article to novel to tv series. and the threat of violence was always there, so weak governments capitulated. thus for decades the narrative was one sided. you never heard about what was really going down in isreal. many reporters were on the payroll, fabricating news and media because lets face it england and europe have always had an issue with jews and its establishment have always embraced the pan arab world. go even deeper and the british establishment was sympathetic towards hitler and would have appeased him if not for the working class english of which i am proudly one.

ironically all this does is give isreal a reason to exist.

people often say to me, why don't isreal offer land back. 

they did, they gave gaza back, ariel sharon (oft decribed by his haters as a war pig) used the army to drag their own people from their homes, they didn't have to do this but isreal wanted peace. it gave back land for peace and it never got it. in fact the land they gave back was fertile, had infrastructure and abundance. i saw the greenhouses stretching across the horizon. the first thing it's new occupants did was destroy everything and start firing missiles.  it's never been about isreal, it is always about jews. it's always been about jews and i'm sick of hearing people wank on about how anti zionism is not anti jew, of course it is you nutters. it's a brand new terminology, but it's most undeniably anti jew.

recently many jews have joined their left wing colleagues in support of the destruction of isreal, and it reminds me of the catholic church during the inquisition, you either convert of die. you either agree with us and join in the vilification of israel or you are a target. 

these useless idiots have no concept of socialist marxist and fascist history, for once isreal is done away with, they will be next. it's interesting to see through the lenses of history how the 'jews' are the canary in the coal mine when it comes to the decline of civilizations, they are the first to be persecuted, but after them it's usually their persecutors next in line. the lgbqt people will be next, then the christians, then the hindu, this has always been the goal of the islamic world. people may assume the koran is the single motivating force within islam, but they only have half the picture. the other half is the prophet mohammed whom is seen as the ideal man by his followers. if you really want to know what's going on, read about the life of mohammed. understand where it all comes from then you can understand where it is going.

i do stand with isreal because now is the time to take a side, and i choose life. that does not mean i feel nothing for the people of gaza, i do. they are victims of their own government and the lies that brainwashes them into killing jews. watch how the united nations funded schools in gaza and the west bank indoctrinate children to become martyrs for the cause, watch the tv shows that are designed like sesame street but promote the killing of jews. research 'pay for slay,' that's where your tax $ goes. the killing of jews, the eradication of israel. 

although i have little belief in judaism as a religion, there are parts i embrace just like all philosophies.

my issue is, i love isreal, what it became, how it evolved and what it stands for now. so i guess that puts me in the firing line and in the minority, but that's where i have always been, always.

so as much as it saddens me it re-enforces what i know. and also what jews now are beginning to see as reality.

i'm not safe anywhere except israel. that is not an exaggeration,  that is fact.

the more you lie about the truth the further away i move from you, and the idiots who fall for that occupation, apartheid nonsense only prove their overwhelming ignorance.  

for the last 30 years the un has waged a war upon isreal, as have it's aid agencies including amnesty which does the same with many countries especially in south america.  it used to be the extreme right but now it's the left and all those who have been influenced by academia, media and the reliance upon the majority, the majority of islamic immigration, voting blocks, civil obedience etc. 

the fear authorities have for the virus of islamism is outstanding, so much that it willing sacrifices it's minority jewish population for appeasement. that's the trade off, which is why i must choose a side on which to stand up with.

the attack upon the victims of october 7th who were visiting melbourne weeks after and the way hamas sympathisers got away with humiliating the families whom lost loved ones was disgraceful and embarrassing. along with 'gas the jews' outside the opera house, and the signature of australian journalists saying they need to view hamas on equal terms as isreal is just globally shameful. it's been noticed and it's already effecting tourism and trade internationally in australia as more and more decent people see australia for being a weak unprincipled country. 

in light of what is happening to the hostages, rapes, tortures and abuse of women and children and now even men the world still cannot condemn hamas. it is holocaust denial in real time. it's racism,  it's a fucking disgrace and you should be ashamed of what you do not do, what you do not speak out against and what you use as moral equivalency.  no one on either side deserves that sort of death. and those that demand proportionality will never get it from jews, because they do not rape, murder, burn, then send the video to victims families and celebrate the deaths of innocents. 

for many years the jews had no home, no army and no way to defend themselves and now they do. half the planet hate that.

i said a few years ago, there is a spiritual battle manifesting in this plane of existence, be prepared, choose a side because you cannot just observe without effecting the result. and here we are, harvard and ivy league professors, administrators all think it's okay to call for genocide of jews and their defence is abysmal, in fact i am embarrassed for them. did you see them before congress?

every weekend there are thousands of protesters demanding a ceasefire, knowing fully well a ceasefire gives hamas respite, gives them a chance to attack isreal again as they have promised. this is the logic of morons. the people inside gaza are just as much victims as isreal, they just don't know this yet because of the mass brainwashing they get as kids and the fear hamas instill in the gazan population. what amazes me, yet is another brutal fact is how europe and america support hamas. 

while i don't want to i can honestly say europes treatment of jews and isreal only proves it still is a nazi regime, although it is good to see geert win the dutch elections, and just like islam embraced hitler, the legacy of the holocaust is paid and funded by europe who loathe isreal's success, sovereignty and survival, it was never in their plan when they gave jews a state. from day one,  europe really though the arab nations would destroy isreal and they can wipe their hands of the jewish problem. the jews and isreal have always been the canary. the litmus test, the gauge by which people will be judged. that's why it has a destiny. that's what holds the country, the people together. and that in reflection is true about the jews, they do collectively, more than ever feel like they have a destiny.

in isreal the left wing were murdered by the people they supported, the people they helped and advocated for. not just murdered, let's be honest, they were butchered and university professors and students support the people who put babies in ovens in front of their parents, who rape dead women and men, who mutilate and torture children and take them hostage.

yeah that's the difference between me and you. 

i won't be celebrating the death of my enemy. 

in wars like this i am drawn to the gita, the incredible wisdom krishna imparts upon arjuna as arjuna doubts the righteousness of his battle with his uncle the night before the war. 

krisha says, 'they are already dead.'

it took me a long time to work out what that meant. now i know, but it gives me no pleasure. 

to be honest all i think about lately is how i wish i could be in tel aviv, on a rooftop with a bunch of weird misfits smoking weed, watching iron dome as we chat about philosophy or politics, or watch a band in mikes bar. anyone who has never been to tel aviv is missing out. the most progressive city i have ever seen, the wildest and most intelligent, a mix between berlin and tokyo but with a middle eastern twinge. a seething mass of multiculturalism, harmony and beauty all disguised as chaos. jerusalem is similar but jerusalem has a history, a serious past where ancient architecture meets the modern where an old ruin has been transformed into something projecting past and future in co existence. it's also filled with ugly trinkets and wares, the market sellers have not changed since the time of jesus and that's one thing even i don't like, they never learnt. however that's a small part of a big wide city, a city that is multi dimensional, it goes in all directions like a chaos sphere.

but my heart is somewhere in the golan, with my cousin, the tantric goddess. we smoke weed, take mescal, read the tarot cards of the local arabs, we drink black coffee and drive into the most amazing landscape i have ever seen along a perfect road that parallels the lake upon which jesus walked. 

i know the gaza strip, i been there, it's not an open air jail. it's far from a concentration camp. it certainty is nowhere as wonderful as it should be thanks to corrupt govts, but it's got beautiful beaches, hotels and resorts. it is densely populated for sure but part of the islamic fascist doctrine is to overwhelm with numbers, it's been very successful for them.  

yeah, i will stand up and be proud of isreal with all it's faults for being one of the most interesting countries on earth.

on the same day as the attack, at the same moment the peace festival was assaulted by hang gliding maniacs i was rushed to hospital for a month. 

for the last few years i looked in to sound frequency therapy, which is very effective and now available in small reasonably priced units from a company called 'spooky.' the units basically operate with a computer and a set of known frequencies to match a list of issues, ranging from broken bones and covid, to parasites.  all you need is a  frequency and to allow the field generator to act. the company supply every frequency you need, and the community of users often push the boundaries into uncharted waters. however now there's a new therapy which is photo-bio-modulation, where light is used. i'm looking into this as it ties in with the light eater people who subsist upon light alone. now this is an extreme practice but i know how they do it, and why it works. the issue is being committed enough to stop eating food the way we have been conditioned to, although light people do eat occasionally, they just eat very close to the source and always a small amount.

as far as healing goes we already know various frequencies of light, infra red for example is very good for cell repair, cardio vascular repair, enhancing the immune system and inflammation in short bursts. it's currently being looked at to cure cancer. 

same goes with ultra violet, therefore one can extrapolate that other light frequencies assist with other conditions. 

that's why sunlight is essential, i'm doubtful weather the supplement of vitamin d has the same kind of quality as sunlight. health is very much dependant on environment. get some sun, early morning or late evening is the best for longer exposure.

it's night time, big yellow moon hurling across the highway as i drive straight into it.

homewards bound, listening to some church, at the moment in playing 'fall in love with me,' from 'narcosis and more' which happens to be a solo album from steve. 

like all the great songwriters it's a novel within a song. 

everyones been there i think, the main character is not likeable but very relatable. i wonder if he is singing about himself or someone else, that's the thing about him, he's very honest. it's quite remarkable really. anyways the song is on loop, actually i forgot how amazing the whole album is: 

it's perfect for driving along the highway at midnight as you head towards the moon.

i may even stop and pick up a hitchhiker just so i can play them this music.  

it's funny, a friend of mine from years ago cancelled me. he always argued with me as i was not on his team, a guardian reading bbbc loving socialist. therefore i question all the agendas they push, including the covid vax. he now has some sort of blood disorder and decided to post some very nasty stuff about me and my family because he is clinging to his beliefs and his need to be right. 

a sad figure, and a sad ending to what could have been an interesting friendship but i guess when you are narrow minded and filled with hate and fear and loathing, this is how you respond. 

so here is my own response:
simon- my son thinks for himself, i gave him that freedom. freedom from religion, politics and media. what i did give him was humility, compassion and idea of a spiritual relationship with the universe. he's not half jewish anymore than i am fully jewish or half a follower of zoroastrism. i am me and he is what he is. only people like you seem to need to give us these labels. i am sorry about your illness, i did warn you and sent you evidence but you chose to cling to what you believe. 

i know you were upset as i couldn't take up your very kind offer and spend an evening with you but i was there to bury my father and look after my mum. i literally didn't have time, i didn't even see my best friends in brighton. occasionally i went out with my brothers friends who took me for dinner, and occasionally i went out with my son. but the period was pretty much me helping my mum. so either forgive me and stop your dumb attacks upon my family and go away gracefully or have the balls to speak with me directly. 

maybe i can even help you.

about one year ago i concluded that the nazi's actually run the world now. i based this upon my intuition as well as my critical analysis of current affairs. it was reading 'the empire on which the black sun never set' that confirmed my suspicions. the book details the bits most history books omit. looking at the birth of eugenics in the uk and the inevitable support the nazi's had from the british establishment as well as the american. even churchill was pro nazi up until he understood the english people were dead against it and decided to seize the popular moment of mostly working class people.

after the war most of the nazi's were redistributed amongst the allies, often into exulted govt. bodies like nasa, nato and the who. the sympathisers were also within government and the upper classes. and now their children are.

everything happening in the world of global politics today reflects this truth, the rise of socialism, cultural marxism, the climate core, the vilification of russia, the need to control media and the narrative, the projection (calling their enemies nazis) the demonisation of israel, the seizing of assets against dissenters, the use of pharmaceuticals upon the citizens against their will and the union of corporations, technology and governments. 

and yesterday the canadian govt under the idiot trudeau (who always calls his opponents fascists) gave a standing ovation to a nazi.

the west is supporting a war against russia, a nation that stopped the nazis with no small sacrifice in russian lives and we are told we must support ukraine. our tax in it's billions is transferred to a nazi regime within ukraine, one that was placed there by vicoria nuland after she and the cia overthrew the elected government and placed zelenski there.

and here we are. once could say the second world war never really ended.

boxing this morning i pull some sort of nerve in my shoulder, ouch! it hurts.and all day i feel it a sharp knife like stab in one specific point between my neck and shoulder blade. if i lift my head up it sends a shock wave down my back. i hunt around at work for some painkillers but to no avail, at home i have some natural stuff i will take but that means the ordeal of some weird signals shooting through my upper body. this old skin suit requires some relief. 

later while flipping through you tube videos i notice a selection of new church stuff from a new album. it's amazing and wow, it sounds great. i'm hooked in and fortunately this is a great distraction from my pain.

in the middle of this provocative book with it's compelling evidence claiming there is somethings NASA is hiding from us.

basically they have identified various structures upon the moons surface, some date back thousands of years and others are recent. i'm no expert but yeah, the images do look like they validate the claim. there are some other fascinating points and observations made my various astronauts including a story about neil armstrong's family being threatened not to reveal the truth of what he saw on his moon walk. 

they even talk about the infamous flag wave on the moon walk film.

this claim is far more believable than the conspiracy theory of fake moon landings. 

before they left they shot a fake piece of film in case they needed to insert it during the live broadcast. unfortunately the film makers didn't realise there is no atmosphere upon the moon, therefore the flag cannot wave.

and then there's a moment where neil's transmission goes dead for a few seconds, and that film is inserted. 

what was going on during that break in live transmission was neil had just seen a few ufo's on the moon plus structures that were not natural.

i have no idea if this is fact or fiction but the book makes a strong case.

and strangely uri geller mentioned that he had seen the bodies of aliens when he met wernher von braun who headed nasa at one point. werner had shown him himself and although it would have been a strange meeting, a nazi and a jewish spoon bender the whole story is re-enforced by wernhers final words as he was dying, 'aliens will be the last card.'

so what are they getting at. at the moment theres a huge resurgence in ufo and alien stories in the media. given most people acknowledge the fact the global govt. is happy to poison a third of the global population with forced experimental genetic medication, stupid proxy unjust wars, insane laws and economics that directly hurt and destroy life, the threat of the weather it stands to reason the enemy is getting bigger and bigger.  maybe the next threat will be aliens. whereas i see the enemy is actually human.

despite being a nazi bastard, this is what his daughter said he had shared with her before he died.

The enemy at first he said, the enemy against whom we're going to build a space based weapons system . . considered the enemy ... then terrorists would be identified and that was soon to follow. . . then we were going to identify third world crazies, we now call them nations of concern. . against asteroids we're going to build space based weapons. First the Russians are going to be the next enemy then asteroids. And the funniest one of all, was against what he called aliens, extraterrestrials, that would be the final card. And over, and over, and over during the four years that I knew him and was giving his speeches for him, he would bring up that last card. 'And remember Carol, the last card is the alien card. We're going to have to build space based weapons against aliens,' and all of it, he said, is a lie.

it's all narrative now, everything. aliens, war, covid, trump vs the uni-party. is russell brand abusive, is jo biden on the chinese payroll, is captain mission an alien. earlier in my blog i wrote reality is broken. 
i think it started a while back but when trump started to call out the media that's when i took notice, and he was correct. 'fake media' was the clarion call like gabriel's horn, soon the dead will rise. 
yeah people, you have to admit nothing is true now, it's all lies, misinformation, smoke and mirrors. which is why left and right no longer applies. the best optic to use is on a scale of freedom. the liberated or the enslaved. and brother sister, we are all enslaved by incremental degree. it's a prison planet now. even the galactic federation know. 
be it debt, inflation or tax, new green deals, cancel culture, energy directed weapons, net zero, death by social media, the algorithm ghetto is here and it's coming for you me and anyone with a free mind.

me i just want to surf, write my books and smoke my weed. i don't even want to travel anymore. 

what's next.

well just like stingray.

anything could happen in the next five seconds. 

i love my job, working with clients and my boss is great but to be honest i am frustrated by the moronic idiots i work with. yesterday i was told not to use the word lazy as it was offensive. i responded by saying, 'don't ever tell me what words i can use and what words i can't because i find that offensive.'

i'm so over the lazy attitude of co workers, their inability to pull themselves away from mobile phones and netflix. most of the time i'm diplomatic but at the moment anything could happen.

 i've been thinking about my father, how he loved the cowboys whereas i was always into the indians. we both loved clint eastwood but for different reasons, he because of his cowboy movies and i must admit i liked them to, he always showed great respect to the indians. 

i was thinking about dad today, how often when i become animated about the political world and feel a need to chat with someone who was just as shocked and amazed by all the things that were going on,  he was number one on my list. instead of analysing it we would just confess our disbelief and bafflement. for example, the persecution of trump. we could not understand how so many people hated him without knowing why, and i often equated it to the two minites of hate (emmanuel goldstein) in 1984. it was just bizarre how they went after him, never gave him a chance at all. fabricated news, lied, misrepresented him in most media, downplayed his achievements and  made the clintons, obama and the rest of them out to be the good guys. very few people understood obama's agenda, fewer understood how dangerous and corrupt the clintons were. it was never about left wing right wing for dad and me, it was about a sense of righteousness. but i guess you have to go beyond the bbc and the guardian to know that.

that's something i loved about my dad. he had principles. they were kinda somewhat misdirected in my humble opinion but he had them and he stuck to them. i have my own, a code i guess. it's simple and always true and i trust it. 

spending time alone this weekend, listening to a lot of bob dylan. i gotta say dylan is a sort of singularity, no one sings or writes like him. all his songs have such depth, they are funny, tragic and poetic and dylan uses language just like a writer. i also really like his delivery, very few singers understand this aspect of singing. sinatra was the master but dylan has it too. recently he reinterpreted his old songs for a cd called shadow kingdom, a live rendition of very early songs. 'forever young' is a highlight but they all sound amazing. his voice is so rich, with experience and knowledge and wisdom. it really is something. his harp playing is pretty impressive as well.

the cdc has finally admitted that the non vaccinated are less at risk from covid variants than those that are.

what does that say about the science you trusted and the way you humiliated and degraded those people that questioned the forced mandates and that stupid 'safe and effective' mantra from your fave politicians, pop stars and hollywood celebs.

i was called everything from a right wing fascist to a racist to a selfish k$5t for having my own opinion about my own health. i investigated the jabs by listening to the people who were banned from speaking, de platformed or were demonised.

the death rate since the jabs has increased by 30%, people are dropping dead who are healthy. and now a few more people are questioning the jab which is good to see.

this jab was never about health. i knew that else they would have not banned the safe and cheap cure. they never would have locked us down and sealed us in out homes. what they would have done if they were looking after our interests was provide us with access to cheap healthy vegetables and fruit, allowed us to breathe fresh air, stopped us covering our faces in pointless masks that can't stop a virus and actually stop our intake of oxygen if worn for long periods.

nope this was never about health, it was about control. it was about culling the population and most of the public complied and enforced theses bastards agendas.
me, i say fuck you. no one will ever tell me what to think, what to believe, who to trust and what trend to follow. left wing right wing, you idiots are all nuts if you think that's a 'real thing.'

the rulers of the world are the military (which helped design the vaccines) , pharma industrial complex, the wef, the un and the who.
the next move is war.
anyone who knows anything about history knows this is the cul de sac our western governments have led us to.  

the new church album is imminent. here's a little track which is totally incredible and out of the blue. listen!

the death card equates the finality of something and the beginning of another. it is not necessary a negative card, in fact there are no negative cards only negative perspectives. a. the principle the humanization principle of death is an endless series of transformations into a new life, the dance of death: . b. skeletons and scythes during the middle ages death was identified with saturn and skeletons because it was only regarded as a destroyer, and thus, is the archenemy of mankind. the soul is immortal, but it is connected to life as our body, and that is exactly the form that death destroys. life and death, before and even now, are not considered to be parallel but are seen as victims of each other. however, because the scythe is in the hands of the dead hanging on the threads of life itself, we realize that it is the cycle of death and rebirth. on another level, the scythe is a crescent moon, corresponding to hecate – a Greek god of death, miracles, and magic. c. hemet (crown of Osiris) saturn as a reaper reflects our fear of death. however, we should not equate it with actual death. the helmet on the head of the skeleton is the crown named atef of osiris, an egyptian god of the afterlife. he, the husband of isis, became a victim of his brother’s lie, seth. seth tore him into fourteen pieces (there are many sources that claim to have twenty-seven pieces). however, the god anubis collected all the pieces, and isis awakened her beloved husband to a new life. from this beginning, osiris became the master of the domain of death in the west and was the guardian of the water of life. may osiris someday give me the water fresh. we see the same thing in legal traditions. the preacher tells of the journey into the world below, where they face demons within them who literally tear their flesh from the bones. after symbolic death is always a rebirth, and following the cutting of flesh is a miraculous advance to enter a new body.

crisp morning, slow warm kick start as the heat begins to rise. basking in the sunshine at dawn as the world passes me by. my mind is still and clear, i have a lot to do today, but that's okay i must create a space for things to fall into. i have managed to get everything i want, nothing is out of reach anymore, mentally, physically and emotionally. spiritually i have ascended the requirements of need. the universe not only loves me, it holds me. the water is cold, something like shock but not quite, a slight mental aclimatisation. you would be surprised how many bodies are in the water, no wetsuits as winter comes to an end. no waves but it feels bright and clear, as every cell awakens to extra visionary spectrums. later warming my body in the sun i read 'marigold' well past the halfway point as things reach a climax. on return to mission control i have to juggle around a few finacial streams, buy a few suppiles, do some low maintence prep. i'm convinced that bill gates is an evil man now, there is nothing redeeming about him or his associates, every act he makes betrays his inhumanity. i hear he now wants to cut down trees and bury them, and along with his polluting the skies with mirrors and lazers i figure his ambitions are basically designed to kill as many people as possible, not to mention his deathly vaccines. however the war is spiritual and must be faught on a spiritual level as well in the dynamic realm. i gaze out towards my garden, the jungle encrouching inwards upon me, and i come to the conclusion it is time to hack back, as it inches closer towards the house. i have to cull the tiger grass and some of the branches above me, take some cuttings from the insane rubber plant and strip back the bannana trees. then there's the front garden, i contemplate some hardcore landscaping, replanting some of the huge frens and stripping back the foilage on the maple plant that spreads its way across everything.

ha! i arrive home late last night only to find my pond empty, there is still a leak and i have located it somewhere in the stream. fortuantly my hardy fish survived existing in a small pool of accumulated water left after the pump evacuated all water that it could manage. i turn off the pump and refil the pond again, call my pool man who will visit in the week. the day saw me heading into the city with some work people, i picked up an interesting book on NASA i'm looking forwards to reading. currently i am halfway through 'maringold' a sort of eco lovecraftian dectective story about a city based around toronto where corperate greed and post capitalism exploits all the residents one way or the other, the technology of the future becomes gothic, the charachters fated to an inexplicable encounter with the strange fungal intelligence that lays underneath their city, slowley rising and becoming known, commnicating and manifestting upon the surface as some kind of recognisable form. our two female investigators under the employee of the sinister govt dept and part private company start their investigation into the labyryth of sinkholes and subterranean infrastructure that lays beneath the city as the most powerful invididuals plot their neferious plans. the book takes the main theme and divides it against tennents inhabiting the marigold by siute number, each tennent being integral to the story although none exactly likable charachters as their tragectories converge. it's a good story, well written and paced and has some great observations about the decline of the west.

after a long abscense i reconnect with my pond man, who has arrived just in time to save my fish. a few months ago i noticed a loss of water and by a process of deduction concluded something was amiss in the stream. i had to turn the pump off to avoid loosing water which meant my fish would be in a still pond with very little flow except for rainfall. as it's been a very warm and sunny winter this what far from ideal yet unexpectedly the fish have survived much longer than i thought but have now reached a precarious stage. most of the area is now inaccessable by me, and overgrown. at the back of my mind i was thinking this may be it for the whole enterprise, i could just fill up the hole, plant some nice flowers and buy some beehives. that's when pond man shows up. we rework some electrical stuff from my bedroom to the outside area where we afix a new outdoor power source. then a general tidy up from all the massive ferns that have overgrown the front garden, hanging over the pond, their wild tendrils extending outwards and everywhere, blocking access over the small bridge. we actually have to pull out a number of them, really enormous one and then a reconstruction of the stream, and restarting the pump. all labourious, and all complex work but everything seems to fall into place and we manage to complete the task. happy fish. happy me. all i need is an outdoor setting where i can sit in the sun, weed and read. mission control has transformed itself totally inside and out, looking much more spacious and uncluttered in the main areas. there's still a lot of work to do but i hope to have everything finished by xmas. my next big job is cleaning windows, that should brighten it up a bit for all my indoor plant life. everything seems to be coming along reasonably well, there's a big dip in my fanances but i don't think it will last long, perhaps saturday will see everything rectify itself as i have incoming from an unexpected source. i don't want to do anything extravegent, move or buy property, in fact i just want to continue doing whatever i am doing which is training, working, reading. there is always at the back of my mind the horror of mandates.

finished reading the apparition phase, which held me captive for a few days and nights. the story revolves around a young man and his sister who i guess are very young old skool goths, showing an early interest in the occult and general spookyness. they play a trick upon a skoolmate and unleash as strange series of events that quickly propel the young man into investigations in an old house that may or may not host a ghost. is the ghost a manifestation of emotional energy, is it genuine? the story was great, set in the late 70's i related to a few iconic observations. it's well written, and takes a few twists but the conclusion is unusal and slightly disappointing. none the less there's a unsettling feeling as you turn that last page which is what a good ghost story should offer its reader.

my training is coming along well, loosing more fat as i do my excersises and this morning at dawn i was on the beach playing beach vollyball. it was somewhat choatic as most of the players had not played and i had never played since i lived in the usa 35 years ago. i always loved beach vollyball as it was casual, playful and i happened to be really good at it. now i am a bit rusty but after about 40 mins of shambolic playing we all began to find our way and the last 30 ministes had some amazing volleys. it was a glorious winters day, the sun glowing pinky red over the ocean and although the sand was cold the water was warm. lot's of laughter, lots of excersise, lots of joy. back home i needed to do laundry and gardening, there has been no time for anything except work the last few months but today i made the most of it. the lower parts of mission control are slowly taking shape. it's looking pretty good now. the kitchen needs work as does the upper part of the house but steady as she goes. i've finished reading jim carey's memories and misinformation, very good in parts although like jim carey dosn't know when to moderate itself. i must admit i loved some of it, the writing was exquisite and his story was excellently put together but the ending became tedious.

yawn. time to update you on some political stuff, if you know me well you will know there are a few things about me that will assist you understand my take upon most of human kinds endeavours into politics. here's some core tenants of mine: all ideologies are false constructs but some are better than others, the measurement on value is determined by the amount of freedom the ideology allows the individual, there must be a moral code humanity follows but it also must be in harmony with freedom of the individual. the state has no place in our personal lives. currently it must be acknowledges western governments are far more fascist than democratic. the pharma / military / industrial complex runs the world at the moment, they are the united nations, world health organization and they all act as an octopus with tentacles in almost all levels of the institutions including law and education. the current western world is easily defined under mussolini’s version of fascism, that being corporations work in league with governments. okay here’s my current evaluation. the virus was created by the american military in china under gain of function which is basically bio warfare. it was leaked to undermine the American election thus granting biden the presidency, trump was the threat to the deep state. biden is being run by obama and it will be michelle who is thrust into the nominations when biden steps down for health reasons. obviously, an idiot like kamila harris cannot be president, the dem’s know this. also the war in ukraine is becuase russia does not want american bioweapons on it's border. if you listen to putins speeches he is an articulate intelligent man, far more intelligent than any leader in the west. i don't like him, he's was a thug and is ex kgb but in this conflict he is correct. the war in ukraine is being fed by the usa and london who want war. a small nuke war would suit their ambitions as then they can scrap the debt- ridden economies which they have plunged us into and replace it with central digital banking. this means they can program the currency and adopt a public credit system like the one used in china. and oh yes, that vaccine you took will kill about a third of the people that took it. the whole point of them ties in with the new governmental model of transhumanism. the survivors will own nothing and be happy, like a good little serf. i have been writing about this for over two decades, attempting to inform people how dangerous these things are for people who love ‘independent thinking.’ i’ve been called racist, fascist, paranoid, conspiracy theorist but the facts are i have been correct. this war is what i call ‘spiritual war’ where the forces of power and control are pitted against the forces of freedom. anything else is a white noise. the signal is clear. if you disbelieve me, unplug from mainstream media. clear and clean your mind. war is coming. war is here. your masters have made us hate one another, citizen of this country hates citizen of that. russians are banned from preforming, russians are the villans becuase media says so, president joe tells you what to think becuase you invested in his team, just like you invested in 'the science.' left against right, children against parent, man against woman. while we fight our neighbours they take more and more from us, more money, more time, more health, more freedom, more blood. wake up! it's the zombie apocolypse.

midnight sydney autralia, driving home along the wakehurst parkway i'd play this loud with the windows down, drinking in the summer night, smoking a refer heading home. feeling good, the new world opening out just in the penumbra of my headlights. anything could happen, anything could happen. and it did.

gone to the mystery, vale robbie roberston. my life changed so much after hearing this album, like a great alighment coming into being. it was the mystery awakening me to who i am. the pieces were still a puzzle but they were forming a picture. i loved the whole album, i played it until it was exhuasted and i was certain. on the outro, 'we don't sing those sings no more' i felt a longing, a calling that i could not answer for several years but it was there deep within. here's the whole album for those that care:

well i would have loved to have been wrong but it is now obvious to pretty much everyone the vaccinations are very dangerous and don't work at all against covid. it's amazing how many people attacked me for my stance, how people vilified me and treated me as if i were some sort of anti human selfish prick who didn't care about anyone else because i was dead against the shot. most people had no idea i was jabbed up, thanks to mandates, but that didn't stop them acting more like fascists pushing propaganda that would have made goebbles proud. it was never about health, it was all about control and fear and almost the whole planet fell for it. i can't help but feel 'angry' towards, the medical model, the political model the media and pharma industrial complex who are in fact the military industrial complex (it is not rocket science to find this stuff out, just don't watch tv or trust your stupid govt. use your mind and change it because if you can't, what's it for) all those stupid masks - did you really believe a fucking paper mask can stop a virus? really? forgive me for pointing out the obvious but it's like a fishing net used to catch a tadpole. was there really a virus? when rage against the machine said if you were unvaxed you were not allowed to attend their concerts without a vax passport did they realise they became the machine? did all the zombies who preached to me, 'follow the science, follow the science' not understand they were not following any science but the propaganda of the institutions. science invites questions, it never bans an opposing theory because if it did we would still think earth is the centre of the universe. if you have not cottoned on, if you have not understood your govt. left, right, green or fucking yellow don't fucking care about you then i guess you are already dead. lockdowns! vaccine passports! the leaking of matt hancocks texts prove what a fucking racket it was, all based upon fear and testing the population of earth, because now you can't stop what's coming. covid lockdowns and restrictions, wait till you feel the global warming lockdowns and restrictions, covid was just the test run and we failed.

last night i whizz over to avoca beach cinema and theatre to catch steve's solo show. yes i have seen it many times, many different places but avoca is a beautiful venue and has a great atmosphere plus steve always puts on an excellent preformance and then there's the songs. and as an extra bonus i usually laugh at his antics stories and anadotes which i'm sure he tones down for the public. all in all it's a great way to spend an evening and last night was no different. as he plays the singles from his early back catalouge i marvel at how he has transformed them into very lovely sounding tunes, just him singing and playing an acustic. which is not his main instrument, he is after all a bass player. yet ther's something very mezmerizing as these songs we know and love are all transformed into intimate re workings. the highlights for me are always the 'heyday' songs and of course, 'priest = aura' although yesterday to everyones delight he did a very beautiful version of 'milky way.' i was lucky as i sat in the front listening, laughing and loving the whole experience, very grateful to be alive, to be witnessing one of the few preformers that actually give me pleasure, and i respect. a lady next to me sat with her duaghter and told me she loved the church becuase of steve's writing and i agreed. those words were never just songs, they were poetic, literate and intelligent. i must confess i really wanted to see steve after the show but i was still feeling very toxic from my plastic expereince, 'plastique mission' and by the end of the evening my throat was aching and speech was difficult so i left prematurely. on the way out a woman had passed out in the mens bathroom, just as i attempted to walk through the door. old mission's first aid training kicks in, and i dash down to check breathing and put her into recovery. outside a few people introduce themselves, they have travelled all the way from paramatta and ask what band i am in. we chat a bit about music in the 80's and australian bands i heard when i lived in london, the only one i really was interested in was the church. i liked some hoodoo guru stuff and talk about the time i saw bowie with icehouse as his opening band. they start reminising about the models and inxs and i slip away from these friendly people, content i picked the right band. the only band that matters (sorry clash) the church.

unspeakable angels, they huant the inbetween, like etherial ghosts looking for form, like dispatched messages waiting to be recieved. they float the stratosphere and gaze down upon old pangea, a sea of boiling, a land mass frozen, no signs of life, no signs at all. it's another planet waiting to give birth, a perculating mass of fire and ice forming vapour trails that lead you nowhere. and in time it may come to pass after light, land and ocean forms, there came a kingdom where plant and animal roam, a tranquil garden just like old eden, before man is conceived came the first heathen. i looked downwards pleased, the strange fish and insect. i liked the bird song that sung, in and out right among and through the jungles, some were emerald and others blue, crimson and aureolin. such a feast to behold, a many splendored thing indeed. i lay upon my cloud and closed my eyes satified. i blessed all my work, with freedom and choice. and when i awoke, the biped was there, playing with fire, promethus yet again, had to steal the secret code. i begged him and her, i said be here now my lambs. but these monkeys were deceptive, agents of chaos and greed. oh how they stole from me, all that is true and all that came free, i watched so helplessly as they took more than they need. built cages around the free, and even around their own sleves. i watched in open eyed horror as the great deceivers waged war upon, themselves and me. all becuase they could not see, the division was a lie. all becuase the ego remained dominating like a false god as they rose to conquer everything except themselves.

captain mission sun day

 

bowie earls court 1978

my dad got me a ticket for this one, i forgot to mention it in my speech. it was probably one of the greatest things he ever did for me. i know that sounds weird but for me it meant everything. i was 16 years old. a north london punk on the cusp of leaving the uk. i can't remember who i saw the show with, how i got there or what happened, all i know is it was the best night of my life so far. 'station to station' stood out as being the magnificent live soundscape but it was 'beauty and the beast'  and 'blackout' that stole my heart. if i had means i would have seen the other shows but i was broke, and dad had pulled a rabbit out of a hat for me. i still don't know how he managed to get me a ticket but wherever you are dad, thank you.

my brother sent me an e mail a few weeks ago.
it stated that he was going through my fathers papers and had discovered something that may be off interest to me. i opened the attachment and started to read. it was written from my great grandmother, a woman i had only heard about and never met. 

my speech which i had made at the funeral was filled with stories describing my relationship with my dad, his bewilderment by me, the imagination he fed and the ideas that shaped me as a child. 

as i was reading the papers, my grandmothers words, i could feel her, falling in love with my grandfather as a young girl. marrying into his circus (although she describes it as a carnival. she describes the animals, the performers, giant wheels, merry go rounds, aeroplanes, singing and dancing girls, magicians and one man called jake lax who used to climb a giant staircase 160ft high, light himself on fire, jump into a pond which was also ablaze. thousands of people used to travel hundreds of miles just to watch him.

then she describes moving into a new house, which is filled with ghosts. she lists and goes into detail some of the experiences people had and how it resulted in the complete breakdown of many staff and family. her oldest children were petrified, and something my dad often spoke about was how the ghosts would drag the kids from their beds by their ankles. the kids would stop eating, shake, get terribly sick. 

as i read the stories, i connect several dots missing in my life. it's very interesting to have the past come back, it does happen a lot often filling in missing spaces.

sometimes i would tell people my history and they would not believe half the things that occurred, i guess the truth is stranger than fiction. certainly for me, which is why i seem to inhabit the strange so comfortably. 

yay! agent wilde out of hospital. back home with the cat and bird. concrete spine, heart of gold, agent wilde childe on parole. the sun is warming, the cellotape sky, holds everything together in the the ancient light. new dawn rising, a narrow escape old friend, my night angel lives again. lives again to listen in, don't touch that dial, we are tuning in. 

 

loving life at the moment, it's so easy to get bogged down in the murk of it all but at the end of the day life just pushes through. it's all in the light, my cryptic eye deciphers all codes and secret languages. years of gateway, intuitive compass and strange alien interventions have set me on the road. i have no idea if it's less traveled or what, it appears some individuals i encounter on my travels are also on a similar road but most are lost in it's labyrinth.

the dawn sun rises up over the winters waters, the crystal fractal of life imploding forwards through the face of time, always ahead of anything we call the now. it's neither cold or warm, for a split second of infinity, the day just expands. 

i've eaten the lotus baby, i have oppenheimer eyes, bohr's pineal gland, max planks left hemisphere and feynman's right. definitely a touch of einstein in the hair follicle. 

i loved that line in oppenheimer when he said what gives the allies the edge is the fact hitler saw quantum physics as jewish, therefore he would never invest in it and therefore antisemitism would win the war. 

by the way, oppenheimer is a magnificent film, a certain history pattern, meditation, a poetic documentary, thriller and love story that shows the implication of contradictory forces, chain reactions and cause and effect, throw in an uncertainty principle and wow! 

i do love nolan as a film maker, the guys a visionary. no one makes films like him. he's the kurbrick of my generation. one in a million.  

 

 

fuck plastic, i hate it. it's time for me to climb upon my wagon and shout out my protest at the whole debacle, let's get rid of the stuff. let's fucking just get it off this planet and send it into the heart of the sun. it's vile awful poison, polluting the planet and life. and let me just say to all the morons who bang on about carbon, plastic would have been a much better option to bang on about as a threat to life, greta, get real, when i think about it's prevalence in our lives it's everywhere. the endless stupid packaging that ends up everywhere, in the oceans. in the fucking oceans. i remember travelling through africa, it could have been tanzania when i gazed outside looking at the fields of trees, bare with no leaves, only a multitude of plastic bags hanging from branches where they had been caught. surreal salvador dali like disaster, and that was 20 years ago, god knows how bad it is now! it has to go. 

it's now my enemy.

and yeah, i know it's a bi product of oil but oil is biodegradable and borne from nature, plastic is forever alien. let's just do everyone a favour and fucking say goodbye to the plastic age.

what is plastic but symbolic of everything inauthentic anyways, plastic entertainment is consumed endlessly, plastic politics, plastic ideology, plastic imbues itself so much into the world we now can't tell the difference between man and woman. it's seeped into poison our brains, minds and therefore thinking. everyone walks around confused, misunderstanding the difference between what's real and what's fake. reality is broken because everything has become inverted, inauthenticity becomes the truth, the truth becomes a lie. it's been heading in this direction for a long time, i've been watching it happen in slow mo while everyone laughed at me. you can trace it back to, the age of plastic, that's where mankind took the wrong turn and stopped evolving. now we just mutate to the point we will begin to eat one another. 

 

one of my fave movies was 'dances with wolves' i'd kinda forgotten about it to be honest and one day last year while wandering through a sydney bookshop i found this hardback, which includes the sequel 'holy road' which i had never heard off. i picked it up and put it down in mission control. yesterday i picked it up and started to read it.

i've always had a very strong, almost supernatural affinity to the north american indians, my past lives, my heart and my natural shamanic disposition steers me to all things indian, the spirit inside me glows. 

although i have only just started, the book is gorgeous.  it's written in the poetic form of a western man, a solider who has seen death, war and civilisation as he ends up alone on the frontier. his first encounter with an native indian is electrifying, as is the indians perception of him. 

it's rare for me to enjoy writing like this, it happens once in a blue moon, i love this book and i have only just started. i've always been fascinated with people who let go of their advanced civilised culture with all it's technology, comforts, laws and regulations, religions and politics to embrace the new tribal life, the natural order of things. be it a south american jungle tribe, north american or alien (avatar being the obvious one) the concept is always interesting as the journey is one i relate to. 

in a way, when i arrived in australia i was thinking how wild and frontier like my little town was. obviously it changed rapidly but avalon was a very amazing place, with it's own untamed culture of poets, painters, writers and freaks. some rich and others poor but the beauty was you would never know. we would sail around the waterways, head into the bush, i would see wildlife, sharks, dolphins, whales and weird insects. i would meet wild people pursuing wilder dreams and aspirations. i encountered many strange spiritual pathways, healing modalities and philosophies, i had my first shamanic experience, my first direct encounter with the great spirit. 

obviously it was not the wild west, but the journey was strangely familiar and as i read this incredible book, i reminisce about the way i felt, being in awe of the new, the space, the vastness and discovering the ancient culture of the aboriginals through my friend francis firebrace, looking at the big night skies with agent stone. the whole period was frontier - like as i saw the big picture and my part within it.

the novel is like swimming in a rich ocean of nourishment, it's not particularly academic, transient, transgressive or beat but it's just a beautiful story well told and reading it puts me there.

 

in the ancient times of the mayans the kings sacrificed people endlessly, a factory of death to the gods. for good weather, climate that gave birth to good crop yields. a pestilence free season, more male births and security.

nothing really has changed has it? except the motive. modern blood rites are war, pharmaceuticals and the inhumane march of industry. we, the peasants paying tax to have ourselves with less, including less freedom, we are being fucked over. if it's not a stupid war it's a mandated jab that kills you or makes you sicker than the disease it should prevent. 

the enemy is not us, it aint them, it's the people we elect to represent us, and let's be honest we don't even really elect them. they are put there by the real people who rule the world, the corporations and power blocs, london, washington and the vatican, all pushing their goals upon us, slavery and death.