when i snapped back into the moment marnee's lips were moving but it took a few seconds for the words to register, i knew i must have caught the tail end of something important by the expectant expression on her face.
'...so very beautiful' was all i heard, then she started up again, 'i'm leaving tomorrow, the new zealand herald want me at their auckland office for the feature story, i'm sorry i just didn't want to tell you, i know it was wrong, i just kept putting it off.'
i was caught between that moment, not sure weather to laugh of cry, the ground gave way and i could feel a strange surging sensation as blood raced around my body and somewhere i remembered to exhale as a series of options filtered through my brain leaving only one. 
time had taught me some simple lessons that i default to when i need and here was the one response i could offer. thirty five years had taught me how to move slowly, think fast and use my intuition, right action, right direction, yet i was conflicted by irrational anger somewhere in my guts, not at marnee but at this random universe that had taken her from me almost as rapidly as she had come to me.
'how long will you be away?' i found my voice failing.
'indefinitely, i don't think i will be back in sydney, london's calling and there's a whole heap of opportunities open in eastern europe.'
so i stood there, a swirling mass of contradictions, telling her i loved her and that i was very happy she had found her place in the world again, that i was lucky to have spent a few months with her and that things would be fine.
the clouds were overhead now, the temperature had dropped and people were leaving the beach. 
she held me tight and i kissed her on the cheek, 'are you crying?'
'rain sweetheart, we should get home.'