and lydia, surrounded by paper work, reports and files, in an office reflecting the chaos of circumstance on the phone to various juvenile justice officers and case managers from DOCS, the phone never stopped ringing, it was a tidal wave of referrals and enquires. even at weekends the endless demands on her time, all wanting to know when they could place their children in her unit. 
most were state wards, some lived with their families, some were in juvenile correction facilities but they all shared one thing in common, these kids were the worst offenders in the state and the agencies that had them couldn't wait for lydia's program to start operating because these children had no sympathy, not from their families, not from the various government departments involved with their lives, not from their peers, not from their victims. these children had committed the most insidious of crimes, a crime that everyone wanted swept under the carpet and no one could bear responsibility for. i warned you this is a dark story, and i said it would enter the darkest of places so if you feel like just opting out do so now because dear reader, i have no wish to ruin your day, i just have to write my story therefore i request if you don't want to know, avert your reading to something palatable and warm and fluffy, don't continue, exit now.
it's a decade after these events and i find myself practising a subtle detachment from well practiced exercise and discipline, my anger is spent and all that remains is a quiet introspection as i review the sequences and the strange path my life seemed to take at this time but i am aware enough to know that this will ruin your day and take you to a dark place by proxy, it's not my intent, that would just be a side effect. my intention is just to tell the tale.
so linda faced with the same demands, phone call after phone call, had acquired a polished professional response to answering the enquiry of when the program would be opening and what the referral process was.
'we have had the staff for about 12 months, a really good team, the best and most qualified experienced individuals in the whole state, they are really committed and ready to come aboard but we have to find the right property, then we have to make structural adjustments, environmental conditions are extremely important in a therapeutic program like this as well as location. i'll send you the referral forms but we are currently filled however it's better to get an application in sooner than later.'
it had taken two and a half years of very hard work, in another two days the response would be different and attempting to hide her joy lydia would reply,'yes we have a premises, in redfern, the builders think it may be ready in two months, i'm going to start the second round of the interview process now all the clients have been selected.'
the phone rang again, 'where's paul, jesus paul your never here when i need you!' she said aloud, but there was no one to hear, she picked up the phone. 'lydia valentino, how can i help you?'
it was him, the priest, the one who ran the whole network of agencies and services, he said, 'lydia, i don't want the redfern site to be used by you, that's going to be an outreach centre.'
'no, you can't do that, i need to get the program running asap, it's been two years,'
'two years of research and preparation well spend lydia.'
she fell silent, uncertain why he was like this, so compulsive and often contrary, she would work so hard towards something, he would offer support and be encouragement but at the last moment something would always come up and the plan would change, he was constantly sabotaging everything, but she knew her place and he was the man behind everything, well loved and respected, the priest had devoted his life to working with children, he was such a good man, he must have his reasons. so she let out an exhausted breath, 'look, i need to get the program running, everything is ready to go, i just need a building.'
'i have one, just not the crows next one. this one is in north sydney, it's called elma house, it's been donated to us. that's why i'm calling, i'd like you to come and see it, are you free?'
she smiled. jesus christ, she thinks, it's a fucking miracle as she searches for her car keys amongst the mess upon her desk.
the building needed some minor changes but it was perfect, a little to close to the school but i guess she was not in a position to be to critical, she was happy, for the first time in years everything felt as if it was coming together. the priest had cancelled so she wandered around the grounds, peeking into the windows, making mental notes and planning the next move, getting her team, after all they had been waiting nearly two years. she thought of paul, he had travelled with her to america on a research visit, he had assisted write the manual and filter out the applicants assessments, he should be there with her. where the hell was he. 
on her way back to her office her mobile rang, it was the priest again, 'lydia, there's been a complication.'
'what now?'
'i've been talking with the board of the elma trust and they have stated that they do not want the home to house boys, only teenage girls.'
'jesus, isn't that a little discriminatory? can't you sweet talk them.'
'no i tried believe me, they insisted. anyway i don't care what they want, it's not as though we have to tell them.'
'i'm just on my way back from the unit, it's really nice but it's going to be difficult to hide from them, maybe we should just wait. what do you want me to do?'
'well it's too late to do anything, i've already approved the candidates with the agencies.'
'you what?'
'the first clients will be arriving in one month.'
'but that's my role, i need to conduct more interviews and i also need to contact the staff team.'
'well it's done, i'm not wasting any more time and money lydia.'
she hung up. she knew better to be angry but her fury was building, he had no right to do that, there were processes involved. there was a structured plan in place, besides she was not even sure if the team would all be available, it had been over a year since she had spoken to any of them.
in her office the phone was ringing, she waited for it to stop, looking in her diary she began contacting her staff. most were still available and keen to begin, the school teacher had pulled out, there were two others that were now committed to new positions and one was no longer in the country but she had a small team from the originals, fining a teacher wouldn't be to difficult and that left two other vacancies to fill, not such a problem. she could talk to the priest he had contacts everywhere.
the phone rang, it was paul.
'where the hell have you been paul?'
paul was the program manager and appeared totally committed to the project but he been missing in action for the last two months.
'i'm sorry, he needed me over in cabramatta running the basket ball outreach program, there was nothing i could do you know what he's like.'
'jesus phil, i've been on my own, you never even answered my calls.'
'he told me not to speak with you lydia, come on, you know what he's like, he said he needed me here. i wish i didn't have to be, i heard we have a building, that's good news.'
'yeah it's a good building but i don't feel right about it paul, you should be here, i really need some help with this. you know he's rung up all the agencies and told them to send the kids. he fucking has no right to do that phil.'
'it's his baby, you know how he is. i've worked with him for eight years, you don't argue with him.'
'it's not right.'
'tell me about it. anyways at least we are going to start, it's been a long time coming.'
'your still the manager paul, i need you here.'
'i will be, i'll talk with him. promise.'
lydia hung up, she held her head in her hands and closed her eyes. at least she had brian, and climbing, her two loves. good old dependable brian had done nothing but support and encourage her, never complained about her long hours and overseas research trips, she could always could on him at the end of the day. roll on the weekend, they were going climbing again, the fresh air, the freedom, the rope that connected her to brian was symbolic, she smiled. the phone rang.

four of us, all living our lives independently of one another, four extremely different individuals, following our individual paths. there's plenty of debate about the idea we have free will and are in control of our own destiny but sometimes you find yourself wondering if there are other forces at work, destiny calling you with some strange magnetic resonance, some part of the brain corresponding with intuition makes you act a certain way, be in the right place at the right time, or the wrong place in my case, maybe. everything in alignment and you quite reasonably think it's a choice. what draws people to one another is sometimes not random, arbitrary or chaos but something akin to a pattern we can't really perceive or comprehend but the pull is so strong its hard to avoid, difficult to resist and impossible to ignore. what is fate?

fate is the inevitable.