the first time i meet lydia was in the elma house complex, i turned up on time, dressed in black jeans and a purple tee shirt with a matching purple velvet jacket and a black peaked navel hat.
there was a button on the jacket that said, 'make love not war' in large letters underneath it said, 'ask for details.'
lydia wore some sort of green power suit and i immediately felt a detach from her, the green was a shade of vile and her professionalism felt artificial and made me nervous but as we wandered around the house i began to warm to her, she certainly knew her stuff. 
examining the rooms i could not help but be surprised at the quality of the facility, no expense was spared on furniture, carpets and décor, it was a very nice environment for a sex offender. i wandered through the corridors peering into rooms and looking out the various windows, feeling the energy of the place. lydia gave a brief explanation for each room, ending with 'i'll explain all that in the training.' i didn't feel to inquisitive to know everything at once, i guess i wanted to just absorb whatever i could in an ambient way, the cerebral stuff would come later.
as it happened we ended up full circle in lydia's office and i knew she was expecting me to ask questions but my mind was blank and my thoughts were being sucked into a void, if i asked a question it would be abstract and lydia would finally see that i was not quite the person she thought i was, instead i was thinking about that frisbee on the beach and surfing in the crystal clear avalon waters, i could see marnee's smile as her hair flicked the surf away like a shampoo commercial, and i could almost smell her skin, these images were soothing, anything but coherent words, anything but fucked up kids, murderers and sex offenders, i did not want to think about the near future, working in this place would mean responsibility and i had perfected my avoidance technique so well in the last year. here i was. lost the girl in a future that was unfolding faster than i could think about it and i felt somewhat helpless, maybe i should just tell lydia i'm not her man and she should continue looking. it was a moment of insecurity but it passed as she sat at her desk under a mountain of files and books and a telephone that never stopped ringing i felt this wave of obligation to be honest, i wanted to be honourable, after all she had requested i be part of her a team, so i sat there telling her my employment history as she photocopied my references and resume. 
she was young, in her mid twenties, she had a precise manner, attentive to details, meticulously she read my stuff, scrutinising each line, i leaned back and stared out the window at the trees in the sunlight, eventually i closed my eyes and fond myself in a deep meditation, my breathing followed a technique i had been practising called four by four, when i completed four cycles i opened my eyes only to find lydia looking at me and then my references with complete bewilderment.