in 1990 i lost my mind. it was with the keys, on my kitchen table, however i had lost my kitchen table living in that house with you, after my divorce, i was there for about a week, like a ghost, i was haunted and yet a ghost in my own home haunting myself. you and i sat in that empty shell as i burnt all the wooden tables, chairs, wooden kitchen implements and basically the whole interior of what was left of my home. i burnt it all to keep warm with you, and then as i chucked the last fucking chopping board into that big fire place i knew i would have to leave. 

the next night i was living in glebe with nothing save a few cds, a mattress and clothes and that black hole in my chest. took me four years to heal that wound. anyways i lost my keys and it felt like i lost everything, jake it felt awful and i was hurt bad but only blame myself. it was awful for me as well to have to deal with the child support agency but they were easy compared to your mum, who was just angry. and she had every right to be, i fucked up and made a mistake, but it wasn't a big mistake, it wasn't a mistake, it was just my inability to communicate because i was so in shock by everything. really in shock, i was stunned at your mums reaction and anger. i always am when i see any women get angry, it's something that don't fit into my scheme of reality, women generally being so much better than men but to be honest they are just so full of anger and it's because of men, i get that now, so i have tried to be a better man, i try hard everyday, and still i fail occasionally. it's okay to fail man, it's really okay to make stupid mistakes, as long as you don't obsess about them or get to attached to them, don't place to much on their significance either, just process it in a way that works, and let it go. letting something go is the process actually. it's good to let everything go including the attachment to be right. mental constructs are things we get attached to as well and they can entrap you just as much.

so sometimes you gotta let things go, sometimes you gotta fight to keep them, but its a discernment you pick up. anyway loose your keys, loose your mind, loose your house, loose your wooden table, loose your mind a little more, loose your boy friend or girl friend but don't loose your heart. 

that's all.