well i have a flu of some kind, a strange virus has infected me, i am hot and cold, i sweat a lot and my skin feels clammy, i dream strange vivid colours and shapes dance into my mind from backgrounds indefinable. some people downstairs make a loud noise, children scream, my phone rings and i awake having a conversation with my son, we arrange to have lunch. we chat over fruit and energy drinks about books, i am explaining why House of Leaves is one of the best novels ever written.
Later we wander into a shop where he chats to the counter girl, he introduces me as 'my dad.' It's very intresting to hear, not something i hear a lot, most people assume he is my younger brother, she flashes me a smile.
I deliver a book to a friend, i promised i would.
'You're a man of your word.' he says.
'Yes.' i reply.
Later i delve into some music and pull out a strange track called Panic in the World, by Be Bop Delux, super cool band.
Time passes by and i am drifing into a tranquil melencoly state, my cousin eagle sends me an e mail from hiafa, he said its bad. lots of damage, he says, that for him its like waking up, he has enemies who want to destroy him. He never really felt that before, always blocking it out or just thinking they were lone suicide bombers but now he knows that his enemies are legion, and his enemy is my enemy. It's funny i never really thought like that either, untll this conflict where the shape of the forces that dwell amongst human civilization reared themselves and showed their true colours. I lost friends who think israel had no need to strike back, they claim over reaction. they claim that israel has no right to exist and they claim that the arabs have a just cause. these people don't talk to me anymore. i also have friends who have become closer to me due to getting a new found perspective upon the events. the pro israeli lobby gets very little exposure here in australia, it is often seen as republican american, which makes me laugh. i recall speaking to the editor of the Sydney Morning Herald and she was telling me that isreal and the jews were all republican supporters. yeah such is the ignorance of people. when i wrote to media watch about the fake pictures from qana they responded by running a peice on another faked photo by a reuters photographer who consequently got the sack but did not mention qana, nor did they respond to my many letters demanding they correct their initial reports. mmm, oh well thats the nature of war i guess.
other stuff happening, mmm, lets see a few days ago i recieved a call from emilie, she's demanding to know why i don't want to see her anymore, she says her life is a mess and she wants to marry me. five mins later she rings again, screaming hysterically, she has cut her wrists and needs to see me, i arrange to meet her reluctantly. on the way she calls to cancel.I tell her to sort her life out then call me, not becuase i am unkind or don't feel anything but becuase i know my limits and my boundries. suicide girls don't do anything for me.

i been very busy as you know paying of debts, working hard and organising my pictures, i am quite excited about the idea of an exhibition, its only a matter of time now.