the sea gives but sometimes takes, it can curl itself around a passerby, an innocent fisherman on the rocks, a woman, a man a child. it can come from nowhere, rise like a mighty hand and swipe you from existence. to read the sea you must know it, have it within your soul, for the sea can be a mysterious environment to decipher, many layers in contradiction. 
the sea commands respect, and respect is attention  ones senses must be in tune with the moon, and the ocean will know, it has unfathomable wisdom.

everything's fucked, will be the title of a novel i have yet to write. although i am in good spirits after val and olga hash cookie and me went out for an indian. i saw my friend iggy in the city, we wander around drinking coffee and talking about politics, global conflicts, control methods and girls. i have good friends, few but all exceptional. 

can't put a square peg in a round hole. you can push it, shove it, force it, ask nice, but it's not going to fit. that's an analogy for what i want to do. not fit, i'm the contrarian, never followed the herd, never will.
anyway suddenly i am popular amongst the girls, i don't wanna be, i hate that fuax attention, people wanna wine and dine me, people wanna call me up, wanna know what i think about this or that, wanna know what i eat for breakfast and all that jazz. not sure why people find me interesting, i'm just not them i guess. 
anyways, what do i think? you can read it here like everyone else.
gay marriage? what the fuck has it got to do with me. a girl wants to marry their girlfriend, hey i'm happy for you. not my business.
bill shorten? an absolute opportunist, a disgraceful leader with no integrity whatsoever.
malcolm turnbill? same as above only worse.
the greens? dumb people with no fucking idea. worse than the above.
books? publishing is gone the way of music, over populated with crap, politically correct nonsense, the great writers would never get published today. only women who write about their year of living as an ethic minority will get a book deal, only people who work at the abc get to write a book and have it promoted, it's a racket. only people with an immigration story, only manufactured social engineering projects get a book deal.
music? bowie, lou reed, are dead. there are a few good bands still around but they are a minority, the industry pumps out mediocracy and people love what they are conditioned to love. 
relationships? i don't really know what to say about these things, i don't connect with anyone anymore. sure i have sex and enjoy a healthy sexual life but when i say relationships i think i mean something intimate and i really think that means opening up and revealing yourself, and when that happens people don't like what they see. i mean i'm a heavy soul and byron bay, hippy shit won't work on me, feel good hash tags, causes and movements are just random white noise to me. so there's no fluffy bits hanging around my identity, nothing really superficial to enjoy. so i guess it takes a special kind of person to relate to me.
family? i miss them but the whole concept is alien. sightly disappointing i guess, i mean that inclusively. i disappoint them as much as they me. so that's that.
life? it's brilliant when i am in nature and surfing, appreciating stars etc but the moment i have to deal with the illusions i get depressed. banks, tax, politics  religions are all depressingly present and pointless to the value of our lives. 
writing? is like eating. i have to do it else there is no meaning to anything.
heroes? i loved bowie for the same reason i love all my heroes and heroines. because they do not follow the herd, they always challenge and defy expectation and they teach me something.
spirituality? it's a supermarket out there, find your method towards  connection with the universe and stick with it. the process is the finding. once you find it, let it go, connect in occasionally and keep it healthy.
ex wife? i found myself telling someone the story this morning, it's sad and should be a film. no one would believe the events that led to my divorce. none of my family even know what happened, they all think i had an affair. the truth is much stranger.
the future? it's going to be like the past. light and dark yet necessary. 
isreal? the most intelligent country i have lived in. you have no fucking idea unless you have been there. 
australia? the dumbest country i know. a nation of lambs being led to the abattoir by people they love and celebrate.
the UN? i hate and loathe them.
islam? i'm no friend of it.
chirst? i dig his groove, a master kabbalist.
buddha?  same as christ but much smarter.
the uk? paying the price as the empire comes returns to colonise it. 
best book i ever read? 1984 baby but it's nothing without animal farm, they are connected by the invisible thread.
the future? it's exactly as lenord cohen wrote, bloody.
tv? i like the walking dead best. 

swanning around in my sarong, getting domestics done, yeah i have housework to do, laundry, washing, cleaning, scrubbing, vacuuming, paying bills, phone calls, on my one single day off this week, it's almost unbearably hot, almost. there's a constant buzzing of cicadas, no wind, just that stillness you get in intense bush fire weather. soon i will leave for the beach, late afternoon when the sun is not so dangerous, at the moment everything can get burnt to a crisp. fortunately i watered the plants a few days ago, i also did some bush fire preparation and cleared out the dry leaves, made a perimeter around mission control and cleared away all the dead foliage  these are the practical necessities of suburban life in australia. gotta look after the land for the land to look after you.

we must progress forwards into time, moment by moment. each step transports me someplace new, i was there and now i am here. 
old captain mission was cool, new captain mission is hot, he has longer hair, less teeth, he has adjustable perspectives, flexibility of dream yoga. he's a mass of anomalies, a stranger loop. no one sticks to him, they try, but they fall behind. no one really likes him because he's unlike them, not a follower or leader not a sheep not a wolf but a deep oceanic mystery. 
i have a girlfriend whom texts and calls me non stop, it's gotten banal, she just informs me of stupid vapid things, 'i had a cup of tea, i saw a dog, i am having cake, serial killer lore, hollywood gossip, i know a famous person,' it's driving me nuts to the point where i just reply in stupid pointless messages, 'one of my legs is shorter than the other, my head is stuck in railings,' it's drivel but it's consuming my time, in the end we will fall out and she will hate me to. 
time is shorter than it was before, it's somewhat more of a asset than money. time or cash? so every time my phone rings i feel precious minites slipping away.

grinderman

my pond man arrived with some special imported koi food for my fish, it's high grade stuff from japan, i have five big fish, they have expensive tastes. 
we clean out the pond water and debris from the trees, the mud at the bottom of the pool has blocked up the pump so we give that a big clean. the fish are happy, they swim around like atoms. they have no knowledge of outside the pond, no understanding of the vast eco system they inhabit, the palms are a mystery to them, the fronds, maidenhair ferns, finger ferns and strange australian flowers that have bloomed in the last few weeks. the birds that come sit near the pond overhead, the frangipani, the stream that carries water into the pond via waterfall. all these things do not figure in the mind of my fish as they swim around, or wait under the bridge in the shade. all they think about is feeding and dreaming. they play a part in something beyond them, and they have no idea what it could be, i wonder what they dream.

when your number is up, it's up. such is my nonchalant attitude to it all, the bad news is in, all hope is lost, and yet...
the great adventure begins, the transition into a new dimension awaits, the unknown is my friend as we have known one another a long time now so there is not much to fear, it's just letting go, there's nothing else to say. words fall into black holes, lines bend along with light, curved space turns me on, the void baby, it's such a beautiful peace. all things die, all things are born again. 

may the force be with you. 

maybe they can save me, maybe i can save myself. maybe baby. but what's to save, a bag of bones, a data bank of memories that are spilling over, warm blood and cold breath, so many low points but the highlights were amazing. 
the church, bowie, seeing the world before it became the globe, making music, writing, the surf, the stars, the vine. the force was with me. always.

being something of a reclusive anti social creature these days i had been jonesing for a church fix for the last few months, i know they were in the usa and eventually would have to return to sydney for a show and but the days just dragged and my need was growing, maybe going to manifest in some awful self destructive implosion  from a sun to a dark star. i stopped smoking weed for so long it felt weird, my health deteriorated, my mojo bled out from my hole riddled aura. 
i had been working long hours and time was distorting around me, one moment i was a baby crying out for a nipple, the next i was a dirty old man crying out for a nipple, what is with this sudden breast fixation i wondered. i'll leave that to the sexy freudian psychotherapists. anyway i was just saying to a friend the other day, i feel like i'm ready to cash in my cards, after all i seen it all, not much in the world inspires me anymore, my best friend dead, bowie gone, my current friend is in hospital, joy is on the decline, nothing interests me, maybe i am just depressed? whatever the malaise, i knew i needed to see the church, only they can fix me.
so when it came for the show i had to race back to the coast after work, shower change, catch train to city, see the band then return to the coast and wake up three hours later for another long day at work where i found myself having to return to the street the venue was on as i dropped a client off at her sisters in marickville, just around the corner from the factory. so it was a congested weekend.
anyways, i was very grateful that sharon and nina had saved me a barrel on which to lean, and nina blessed me with some golden aura which offerred some respite from the awful pain in my leg and the pins and needles shooting through my left hand. 
anyway's the band came on with jeffery caine who proceeded to add a layer of tone that just shifted gears in a very cool new direction, i gotta say he was excellent. 
as far as church gigs go, it was up there, the sound at the factory is never consistent and there's awful moments where it goes all out of phase but this never depletes from the performance. during those bits i watch and then when the sound comes back i listen. 
so coming onstage and playing aura is always an impressive beginning, and the songs have new textures and parts, new arrangements, that make them sound new and dynamic again. i loved the show but i have to say i wish they would just drop milky way and metropolis, the two crowd pleasers. maybe i'm just being selfish but i think it's time to put those songs to rest from live sets. 
as far as set lists go, it was an almost perfect inclusion of songs that all seemed to fit together, day 5 was transformed and transcended  possibly an all time church highlight for me, but block, constant in opel, tantalised all incredibly reworked to give them a vitality that saturated everyone present. brilliant. however, it was the new songs which impressed me more, the handful they played were executed with such immense power and conviction by steve at the front and this incredible band i was filled up with whatever missing ingredient i needed, my fix was in, it was mainlined into my blood and hit my brain at the speed of life. steves hit a new level in his presence as a stage man, he's up there with the greats, embodying the songs with conviction, love and respect, his base playing and vocals are masterful and the many tangents the band jams along make the whole evening worthwhile. 
so thank you. happy xmas to the church. 

instructions to agents

travel light

pack a book, camera and bikini

buy ticket to large island in southern hemisphere

never look back.

instructions for agents

sleep is where we meet,

exchange information

dream stuff is never snorted but inhaled

instructions for agents

look at the stars often

orgasm with them in mind 

it's all just an experience

until it isn't.

the last few months, since my return from the uk i decided to detox from weed, a big mistake. 
my body started to deteriorate, pains in my knees, my leg unable to support me, throbbing pain in the calf which i have borne in my usual stoic way. working hours pushing me over the brink, physical health, mental heath and spiritual health all falling rapidly, until i smoked a spliff and within seconds healed. i must keep smoking, keep on smoking smoke the sky away.

i have not written for weeks, maybe months, nothing. my story lays unfinished untold, and it must be borne. i'm thinking of doing something very strange with it, but it may fail. whatever, it's going to take time.

the terrible fact is i have to register my business, this involves various hours filling forms, making calls, searching online and dealing with australian bureaucracy. it kills any passion for business dead. it's a nightmare against creativity and enthusiasm  a system designed to crush anything it may not like. apparently my name is used by someone else, fuck them i think, no one should own words. 
anyway, i sort things out and move onwards, i buy a filing cabinet for the office, mission control has far to many piles of paper randomly scattered through it's rooms, so i bring a sense of order to my chaos. it has to be done. 
now the website needs making.

the waves spat me out and i walked up the shore to where she lay, by the time i arrived i was almost dry. she looked up at me as i blocked the sun, 'how was the water?'
'come find out,' i whisper and reach out for her hand.
i can see the excuses flutter through her mind, the tourist anxieties, sharks, jellyfish, sting rays, currents. 
'i'll be with you, won't let anything happen at all. in fact we won't go out of your depth.'
she has no choice but to trust me.
the sand is hot, she hops down and the first sensation of the ocean washing over her feet is relief. i guide her in, but she's smiling and filled with confidence. knee deep she laughs and i suggest she throws herself right in and gets wet. 
i lead by example and she follows. 
a powerful flood of chemicals race through her brain, the pure rush, the joy of the oceans embrace. we hold hands and i lead her further out, demonstrating how to take on a larger wave. you just dip under, never let it meet you head on at face level, just dive under and shoot out, the water will do the work for you. she tries it and comes out the other side. it's still shallow, waist hight. we repeat this three times and she finds she's further out, the water is up to her shoulders.
'this is our zone, don't need to go any further out.'
she smiles, and splashes me. we hover out there waiting, i see the wave in the distance, part of a set. i explain the system. she follows me. we dip under, surface, dip under, surface, dip under and surface, then turn and face the beach. 'follow my lead, just arms out feet out, ride the wave until you feel you should stop.kick off with your feet, ready, steady, go.'
whatever it is, chemical, phycological, physical, the surf will fix it.

love to all witches and wizards, you do the great work, and i respect that greatly.

i'm writing a novel, it's almost finished then i have to work on its narrative style. i think it's groovy, i think you will like it. i hope it will be finished in a month or two.

oh oh, there's panic in the world, theres panic in london, panic in the streets of islington, panic in the stanmore vicinity, panic in the notting hillbilly, panic in terrible terrigal, panic in the oceans and the seas, there's panic in the borough of hackney, panic in the roads of old avalon, panic in the air and panic in my hair. fucking panic everywhere.

investigations into my new idea prove worthwhile, however one must navigate the trenches of ridiculous australian red tape, and like all prison systems they want their slice of the pie. so i do the work and pay a strata of unimaginative vultures for the service of what appears to be some sort of racket. 
that's the thing about australia that most people don't know. i love it because it has a natural beauty that is unsurpassed. it's a frontier, a land mass on the edge of the world where everything is unique. what i loathe about it is the people who rule over us are corrupt, the systems they run corrupt and the average australians appear to worship this due to some convict prison romance.

i concluded a long time ago, the australian system has not changed since settlement, there are the convicts and the jailers and they all live together indistinguishable from one another. it's an open prison with the illusion of being democratic and free but the reality is your tax file number is your chain, and the government is your ball.
an example of this is the NBN which was dreamt up by an incompetent prime minister and his public service. we were told australia would have the most significant infrastructure ever, the national broadband network which would wire up every house to fibre optic cable thus opening the future up for everyone to join the new economy. business would boom, innovation could flow to the four corners of the globe, and australia would join the information superhighway in the super fast lane.
the result 10 years later is a white elephant. 
both parties are responsible, equally, labour and the liberal party. labour for having very poor organisational skills and blowing the budget. the liberals for just cost cutting, and generally taking the vision and turning it into some sort of no frills dinosaur. oh, and blowing the budget. in fact the current PM is really responsible as it was he that made all the terrible mistakes that now leave us with a $56 billion white elephant net that is already out of date and running so inefficiently half it's customers have complained to the ombudsman.
(i am one)
now apply this to every single idea the govt. has promoted.
the french submarines, $50 billion, spent to win one disgraceful minion his election. a useless outdated model that runs on diesel and cannot be delivered until fifty years from now. when all experts will tell you, by then every submarine will be a drone operated from a base on land and unmanned.
then there's the NDIS national disability insurance scheme, costing the tax payer  $21 billion. let me just say, this cost will double next year as i've been working with it and it's a major failure. 
now, you ask why do these ideas get supported by the people?
the answer is people here are easily seduced. they always have been, ask john friedrich who stole $296 million from the govt. 
a country of crooks ruled by the corrupt someone said to me, now i think that's a bit harsh but i see the point she is making and it's hard to disagree completely. the smart australians are the ones that leave.
our goverments are so bad, when they are not screwing the public they are knifing each other in the back. 
i personally cannot understand how the public tolerate this kind of governance. in europe they would be rioting, a guillotine erected outside their window as a reminder of whom they serve. but here it's a tv crew and some dumb abc journalists who all agree and enable this kind of rule. 
i'm a big believer in closing the abc down, public money wasted upon a dept. of propaganda. it's backed every hare brained idea they come up with and can't critically analyse at all. in fact the abc are probably the worst media machine for information i have ever seen, there is no balance at all. a fake institution if ever there was, pushing it's agendas at every opportunity it can.  

good to take the early train into the hive, meet my friends imi and iggy, have amazing northern chinese food, noodles made fresh and fast, eggplant in some sweet sour chilli type sauce. i like places with no frills, no posters, shiny menus, smiling waitresses, table clothes or paintings on the walls, this is bare and simple. it's cheap and excellent. 
we walk along into the japanese book shop where i pick up 'blood year' by david kilcullen which details the massive failure of obama and the rise of isis. i'm particularly interested in his comments about isis now, they lost the battle for land but the west is where the war will be fought and it ain't over baby. in fact it's only just beginning. kilcullen wrote an essay for the quarterly from which this book is built around and i'm looking forwards to getting my teeth into it.

however on the train i read a short story by laird barron, the forest and wow, that guy is amazing. i'm going to have to finish 'occultation' before starting blood year.

iggy gives me some constructive feedback on my new work, he's dead right, as usual. switched on guy. we part ways, imi and iggy go looking for a suit and i slip away back to mission control. 

those words that leak like snakes from lips that can't stay closed. there's so much hurt in everyone you touch and you just make it worse. your influence traverses distance and time, it rots the very sparks of life, enabled by a good man who married the wrong wife.

my existence would be snuffed like cosmic dust, a life of happenstance, the gods of words and irony bellow up above, for that's theres nothing unconditional in a rotten mothers love.

the toxic emotions are corrupted, they are cynical and mean, for once where there was beauty now it is unseen. in a narcissistic streak that lasted many years, let it be known now, all you brought were tears. age will not wear you down or erode your bitter taste, all the fucking time you had to love you just always chose to hate. 

https://youtu.be/JhS4iHOiags

please buy the new live cd from shriekback : it's brilliant!

expect only beauty, the rest is unpredictable, yes clever wordplay and beautiful soundscapes but here lies a new sound, less rock more roll, the roll of waves, the surf is here, in the sound, it's pouring through the headphones, i only see it now it exists within me. i had no evidence to show what direction the church would move in, they are on their own trajectory, always have been a band that does not follow fashion but follows the flow. 
the flow takes them to this pivotal piece of music, where the intricacies of coral reefs lay spawning under full moons, and the octopus of sounds weaves through cites made of beauty and playgrounds for the seahorses. there's something very innocent that catches the light, but there's also the depths, the places only experience could take you, it's light music with some heavy soul. hey, if you want a title like man, woman, life death infinity then you got a have some weight. i was stumped first listen,it was thing of beauty, a magnificent journey but it was unlike anything i had heard from the church previous. that's what i love, it takes a brave band to do that. 
my fave songs, fog and dark waltz.