basking in dawns sunlight, upon the blue throne with monique, discussing the animal attraction as we watch women pass by, we wander of road and onto the rock where she takes me to a sacred place far from the crowds. it's amazing, vast rock structures reveal the geology of time, the water eating away at the earth, the strange fractal patterns and weblike indedentions. we push further south, past the basking seal, past the fishermens blues, past the turquoise ocean. it's all so magnificent, exhilerating. there we decide to go to see ranga, the mystical sri lankan alternative healer in mosman. he's a charachter. most people i know have seen him and told tales of recovery and success. we make the call and speak to a lovely lady with an personality that ooozes friendly vibes. as we have to pay a deposit i suggest i will pay using my card when i get home, monique only uses cash.
on return home i ring the surgury and the lady asks me a question, 'did you live in avalon once upon a time?'

it turns out it's an old freind iola, a really amazing lady who was quite unique and always stood out from the crowd. we chat about our lives for a while, and then she asks where i live now, she's in the blue mountains. when i tell her the coast she is amazed as she's thinking of moving up. well look me up if your in the hood, i say. we swap numbers and make a commitment to catch up. 

that's how it works, sometimes. that's the way i like it to work, chance, synchranicity and equal measures fate sometimes guide you where you need to be, i'm done fighting things that fight me. resistance is futile. i'm stronger than ever now.

the next few days i get a bit battered and beaten at work, but i take it on the chin, roll with it, it's an awful week, no time off and just one day rolling into the other with a huge work function on thursday where they will patronise us and treat us like 5 year olds. it's demoralizing but at the end of the day we are all prostitutes. 

i'm listening to a bit of leonard cohen, nick cave, some dylan, i read a huge warhammer book which is so much better than you would think, man the black library are amazing but they need to increase their print run, their books are very hard to find. i particularly like the omnibus editions, and currently the eisenhorne one is fucking mind blowing. yeah dumb cover but you know what they say about judging a book. 

eisenhorn is an imperial inquisitor, he's like a dectective with authority from high and he's on the case and chase of an occult terrorist cult. it's super fast paced, unpredictable and ingenius writing by dan abnett. 

 

later i check the appointment for ranga and it's not for another week, once again time displacement, and in that moment i understand how the shadow of this weird affliction has effected me over my life. i don't and will never use it as an excuse, it certainly will never define me, but it's part of a rich tapestry of my identity.