thunder gods arrive with fierce fanfare, the trumpet blows from a distance as the weather patterns shift and rain finally falls. i awake at 0500 dawn filters through mission control, it's darker than it should be, as black grey clouds block the sun. outside i see the tropical garden celebrate the rain, big palms leaves and fronds dancing in joy, the grass whispers, green shoots sprouting up from the earth. 
the thunder rumbles, it's long and wobbly like an upset stomach, thankfully no lightening yet. my flame red tree looks amazing in contrast to the shades of deep green that surround it.
in the distance i see the river run, mysterious and dark, like some fairy tale where the woods deepen. two huge gum trees pained upon the landscape.
i hear frogs, crickets and see the birds activity as they search for food. life returns from the scorched earth, life always finds a way. 
the temperature has dropped considerably, it's much more bearable. my bamboo is growing as i watch it.  

John Cale - Full Performance (Live on KEXP)

sydney is basking in the hottest day ever, it's actually impossible to bask as it's so hot it just feels horrible, like everything is slowly melting. i was awake at 0600 and already the cicadas were making a cacophony outside. every minite the temperature just increased by a degree until it stuck at 48 degrees.
it was very unpleasant.
i drove into the city and most kitchens were shut, the streets where empty although there were lots of cars on the freeway, air conditioning is king. cinemas were packed, supermarkets and shopping malls spilling over with people just needed to keep it cool. 
it's now 2230 and it's still stinking hot.
i suck down ice cubes in my sarong, while i smoke a big spliff and contemplate sleeping in this sticky atmosphere. in the distance, thunder.

reality, a field of probability waves superimposed, where cause and effect and time are not fixed. in subatomic realms one cannot measure the particle and measure the wave, one precludes knowledge of the other. in choosing to observe one the observer defines it, conciousness therefore plays a key role in observation. this is the collapse of wave probability function. what is the nature that links conciousness to quantum events?
the uncertainty principle implies an existence of a method to transfer information from the observers conciousness to the quantum realm.
the paradox of non locality (entanglement) implies two possibilities, one being photons can travel faster than light or they somehow remain connected as parts of an indivisible system. the first works well with relativity, the second suggests interconnectedness. thus information that causes change can be exchanged regardless of distance.
most physicists would say this cannot happen at macroscopic levels, yet magickians would say this occurs because off a side effect of our conciousness not inevitably an occult process, it can be hacked.
quantum magickal theory implies we can select a reality through transmission of information, alternatively we can pluck information through selecting a reality.
it is easy to speculate upon the significance of hacking in computer terminology, and thus bridge a gap between technology and magick. 
i no longer use magick as magick uses me, i just have to be open to it happening and never judge it's circumstances or intelligence. often what seems to be bad luck, becomes good fortune, application of value fucks with the program. that's very human, and likeable as an intrinsic quality, i mean we all are programmed to judge. facebook is a classic example of judgement. 
the problem is it's also a fixed point in time and space where consciousness is trapped, it get's stuck in the feedback loop attracting more and more similar positions that validate itself. the non judgemental approach is resistance free, it allows consciousness to flow and things happen. 'it's neither good or bad, it just is' is an effective formula to free the mind from entanglement. of course some times getting entangled is just what the dr. ordered.

'andromeda looks beautiful today.' 
i was fiddling with my zap gun, adjusting some valves and circuits and for a moment i peered out the tiny window and saw the galaxy. the words just slipped out my dumb mouth. they floated around me like bubbles and popped over my head. although it was a naturally understandable comment it felt wrong, no one else would ever hear those words, they were meant to be heard and this vision of andromeda was meant to be shared. it was truly magnificent.
i put the zap gun down and left it there, flux circuits exposed, made my way through the hive section and took the corridor to where the ice cubes were. i knew the rules but fuck it, rules don't count in space. space does strange things to you when you been floating through it for long periods. let's face it i been alone a long time, captain of a strange ship, pirate and now peace envoy, caretaker of precious cargo,  the two princesses. 
one from gliese 581b the other from 581c. both in ice cubes, well it was slightly more sophisticated than ice but a combination of suspended animation and tachyon fields kept them on ice for the seventeen year journey. these beauties were being married off to some strange alien lobsters so the galaxy would remain in a state of peace. it was a strange diplomacy, old fashioned really but effective. 
fuck it!
i would be shot for this but life is short. well it is for me outside an ice cube for the girls it would be 17 years longer, but 17 years of deep freeze can make the mind alter and who is to say they may never quite be the same psychologically. i'm doing it for their sanity as well as my own, i reasoned.
i opened the panel and typed in the commands.
fifteen minites later i was pouring hot coffee into two cups and kicking myself at my stupidity. the peace of a galactic federation was at stake, i'd just sabotaged the only hope there was.
i smoked a joint and watched the girls gain full awareness as they sipped their drinks. 
'so we are not there yet?'
i shook my head.
'and you woke us prematurely to show us the view?'
'yes, but seeing as though you are up now why not stay up and stretch your legs, eat some real food, watch some movies, have a bath, enjoy freedom and then in a few years i'll put you under again.'
'it sounds like a holiday,' 581b says.
'yeah that's exactly what it will be.'
'we may as well enjoy some little time before we have to marry those creatures.'
'exactly.' i say it with such relief the girls absolve me of my guilt.
i lead them past the hive and back to the main room where i activate the dome, and just like a petal the metallic structure opens up letting in an array of splendour.
the girls are breathless, it's awesome. we are all dressed in our skin two suits, mine black, theirs a rich purple. i watch them twirl under the scene, around and around, almost dancing, spellbound.
it really is something. the dome offered 180 degree vision and it was filled with the frenzy of phycadelic colour shifts, from softer pastels to fluorescent starbursts of primary's and then slap bang in the centre lay the most incredible looking blue sun.
'it's so beautiful,' 581b whispered.
her hand reached out and found 581c's. fingers clutched.
it was indeed beautiful.
i sat down on the lounge and let the girls enjoy their moment, they pointed out parts of the vista to one another and giggled.
in a few hours we would navigate past andromeda and the view behind us, i'd have to think of a way to hack diagnostics and make the edit to their ice cube continuity status. it should be a piece of cake, a simple use of taychon looped energy would do the trick. that would manipulate the information and put it in the loop therefore it would continually be in transmission, never reaching the monitors of my employers until i was cashed up and gone. i fiddled around on a console and made the hack. now no one back there would know i prematurely awoke the princesses we could all relax. 
so two princesses, a renegade peace envoy, what fun we would have. and we did. it turned a boring voyage into a memorable one. 
years later we were waking up from a deep sleep after a night of debauchery when i realised something was wrong. 
g851b lay wrapped in a silk sheet and her pale flesh rose up and down gently, her lips had a slight tremor every time she exhaled and her eyes fluttered in rem sleep. i wondered what she was dreaming off as guilt flooded my mind. tomorrow morning i would have to put them both under. they are not going to want to go willingly, why would they. all fate had in store was slavery to the lobsters, god knows what terrors that incorporated. i'd have one last session of pleasure and play, and then slip them a sed in a drink, that way things should be easier all round. 
i put my arms around g851b and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. as i lay there it occurred to me g851c was absent. 
i slipped on some shorts and followed a trail of light to the recreational room. g851c was leaning into a modified nourishment outlet and with a long spoon tasting various flavoured ice creams. 
every now and then a sigh of pleasure would escape her lips. i watched from the corridor as i worked out what was going on. in between our fun time and while i slept the girls had taken turns to sneak away into the simulators and stuff their faces on cakes and ice creams, they were gorging out on the good stuff and then sneaking back to relieve the other.
while it was perfectly understandable it did present a problem, each of them had packed on a few pounds, and the weight displacement would effect the calculations when they returned to ice. there would be no way i could hide the discrepancy. i was fucked but at least we had seen andromeda at it's most beautiful.       
      

new years day according to a calendar people have followed, not me, i have no attachments to it or the idea of it, it's a tool, it's a guideline for order, a method for control. it served a purpose once but these days it's pointless and meaningless. 
abstractions have played a large part in life, they are my dark matter, dive in and swim around, you learn a little about what's real and what is not. one mans reality is another mans illusion, we are all stars right?
i watched a three part movie series on the life of carlos the jackal, star of 70's terrorism and idealistic youth to stupid to know the future was a cage or a bullet waiting for them. it's depressing to see how complicit europe was in terrorism, as long as it was not upon their soil, and yet ironically europe hates this about america.
nothing much has changed, the old guard just have younger faces, i guess that's the elite that hates trump now, they hate anything that  takes their power from them. most of them don't even know why they hate him, they just do it because its fashion and they are sheep. the guy is an idiot and the situation is bizarre but it's nowhere near as evil as a clinton administration would be. 

so, i've begun a little review of my book, it needs work, it's complex and i tend to repeat things within the narrative, it really requires an editor. fortunately i may have found one in speedsexy, an agent who seems to like what i write. i am grateful, it gives me someone to write for. perhaps agent speedsexy one day will be my agent, in a literary way, wouldn't that be great. 

my local new years celebration at terrible beach resulted in a ship exploding, fireworks went up in a huge blast and the beach was evacuated. i was asleep in bed, i usually enter the dream state each new years, so missed out on the display and celebration.
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/fireworks-display-goes-awry-after-barge-catches-fire-off-terrigal-beach-20171231-h0buk8.html

the sea gives but sometimes takes, it can curl itself around a passerby, an innocent fisherman on the rocks, a woman, a man a child. it can come from nowhere, rise like a mighty hand and swipe you from existence. to read the sea you must know it, have it within your soul, for the sea can be a mysterious environment to decipher, many layers in contradiction. 
the sea commands respect, and respect is attention  ones senses must be in tune with the moon, and the ocean will know, it has unfathomable wisdom.

everything's fucked, will be the title of a novel i have yet to write. although i am in good spirits after val and olga hash cookie and me went out for an indian. i saw my friend iggy in the city, we wander around drinking coffee and talking about politics, global conflicts, control methods and girls. i have good friends, few but all exceptional. 

can't put a square peg in a round hole. you can push it, shove it, force it, ask nice, but it's not going to fit. that's an analogy for what i want to do. not fit, i'm the contrarian, never followed the herd, never will.
anyway suddenly i am popular amongst the girls, i don't wanna be, i hate that fuax attention, people wanna wine and dine me, people wanna call me up, wanna know what i think about this or that, wanna know what i eat for breakfast and all that jazz. not sure why people find me interesting, i'm just not them i guess. 
anyways, what do i think? you can read it here like everyone else.
gay marriage? what the fuck has it got to do with me. a girl wants to marry their girlfriend, hey i'm happy for you. not my business.
bill shorten? an absolute opportunist, a disgraceful leader with no integrity whatsoever.
malcolm turnbill? same as above only worse.
the greens? dumb people with no fucking idea. worse than the above.
books? publishing is gone the way of music, over populated with crap, politically correct nonsense, the great writers would never get published today. only women who write about their year of living as an ethic minority will get a book deal, only people who work at the abc get to write a book and have it promoted, it's a racket. only people with an immigration story, only manufactured social engineering projects get a book deal.
music? bowie, lou reed, are dead. there are a few good bands still around but they are a minority, the industry pumps out mediocracy and people love what they are conditioned to love. 
relationships? i don't really know what to say about these things, i don't connect with anyone anymore. sure i have sex and enjoy a healthy sexual life but when i say relationships i think i mean something intimate and i really think that means opening up and revealing yourself, and when that happens people don't like what they see. i mean i'm a heavy soul and byron bay, hippy shit won't work on me, feel good hash tags, causes and movements are just random white noise to me. so there's no fluffy bits hanging around my identity, nothing really superficial to enjoy. so i guess it takes a special kind of person to relate to me.
family? i miss them but the whole concept is alien. sightly disappointing i guess, i mean that inclusively. i disappoint them as much as they me. so that's that.
life? it's brilliant when i am in nature and surfing, appreciating stars etc but the moment i have to deal with the illusions i get depressed. banks, tax, politics  religions are all depressingly present and pointless to the value of our lives. 
writing? is like eating. i have to do it else there is no meaning to anything.
heroes? i loved bowie for the same reason i love all my heroes and heroines. because they do not follow the herd, they always challenge and defy expectation and they teach me something.
spirituality? it's a supermarket out there, find your method towards  connection with the universe and stick with it. the process is the finding. once you find it, let it go, connect in occasionally and keep it healthy.
ex wife? i found myself telling someone the story this morning, it's sad and should be a film. no one would believe the events that led to my divorce. none of my family even know what happened, they all think i had an affair. the truth is much stranger.
the future? it's going to be like the past. light and dark yet necessary. 
isreal? the most intelligent country i have lived in. you have no fucking idea unless you have been there. 
australia? the dumbest country i know. a nation of lambs being led to the abattoir by people they love and celebrate.
the UN? i hate and loathe them.
islam? i'm no friend of it.
chirst? i dig his groove, a master kabbalist.
buddha?  same as christ but much smarter.
the uk? paying the price as the empire comes returns to colonise it. 
best book i ever read? 1984 baby but it's nothing without animal farm, they are connected by the invisible thread.
the future? it's exactly as lenord cohen wrote, bloody.
tv? i like the walking dead best. 

swanning around in my sarong, getting domestics done, yeah i have housework to do, laundry, washing, cleaning, scrubbing, vacuuming, paying bills, phone calls, on my one single day off this week, it's almost unbearably hot, almost. there's a constant buzzing of cicadas, no wind, just that stillness you get in intense bush fire weather. soon i will leave for the beach, late afternoon when the sun is not so dangerous, at the moment everything can get burnt to a crisp. fortunately i watered the plants a few days ago, i also did some bush fire preparation and cleared out the dry leaves, made a perimeter around mission control and cleared away all the dead foliage  these are the practical necessities of suburban life in australia. gotta look after the land for the land to look after you.

we must progress forwards into time, moment by moment. each step transports me someplace new, i was there and now i am here. 
old captain mission was cool, new captain mission is hot, he has longer hair, less teeth, he has adjustable perspectives, flexibility of dream yoga. he's a mass of anomalies, a stranger loop. no one sticks to him, they try, but they fall behind. no one really likes him because he's unlike them, not a follower or leader not a sheep not a wolf but a deep oceanic mystery. 
i have a girlfriend whom texts and calls me non stop, it's gotten banal, she just informs me of stupid vapid things, 'i had a cup of tea, i saw a dog, i am having cake, serial killer lore, hollywood gossip, i know a famous person,' it's driving me nuts to the point where i just reply in stupid pointless messages, 'one of my legs is shorter than the other, my head is stuck in railings,' it's drivel but it's consuming my time, in the end we will fall out and she will hate me to. 
time is shorter than it was before, it's somewhat more of a asset than money. time or cash? so every time my phone rings i feel precious minites slipping away.

grinderman

my pond man arrived with some special imported koi food for my fish, it's high grade stuff from japan, i have five big fish, they have expensive tastes. 
we clean out the pond water and debris from the trees, the mud at the bottom of the pool has blocked up the pump so we give that a big clean. the fish are happy, they swim around like atoms. they have no knowledge of outside the pond, no understanding of the vast eco system they inhabit, the palms are a mystery to them, the fronds, maidenhair ferns, finger ferns and strange australian flowers that have bloomed in the last few weeks. the birds that come sit near the pond overhead, the frangipani, the stream that carries water into the pond via waterfall. all these things do not figure in the mind of my fish as they swim around, or wait under the bridge in the shade. all they think about is feeding and dreaming. they play a part in something beyond them, and they have no idea what it could be, i wonder what they dream.

when your number is up, it's up. such is my nonchalant attitude to it all, the bad news is in, all hope is lost, and yet...
the great adventure begins, the transition into a new dimension awaits, the unknown is my friend as we have known one another a long time now so there is not much to fear, it's just letting go, there's nothing else to say. words fall into black holes, lines bend along with light, curved space turns me on, the void baby, it's such a beautiful peace. all things die, all things are born again. 

may the force be with you. 

maybe they can save me, maybe i can save myself. maybe baby. but what's to save, a bag of bones, a data bank of memories that are spilling over, warm blood and cold breath, so many low points but the highlights were amazing. 
the church, bowie, seeing the world before it became the globe, making music, writing, the surf, the stars, the vine. the force was with me. always.

being something of a reclusive anti social creature these days i had been jonesing for a church fix for the last few months, i know they were in the usa and eventually would have to return to sydney for a show and but the days just dragged and my need was growing, maybe going to manifest in some awful self destructive implosion  from a sun to a dark star. i stopped smoking weed for so long it felt weird, my health deteriorated, my mojo bled out from my hole riddled aura. 
i had been working long hours and time was distorting around me, one moment i was a baby crying out for a nipple, the next i was a dirty old man crying out for a nipple, what is with this sudden breast fixation i wondered. i'll leave that to the sexy freudian psychotherapists. anyway i was just saying to a friend the other day, i feel like i'm ready to cash in my cards, after all i seen it all, not much in the world inspires me anymore, my best friend dead, bowie gone, my current friend is in hospital, joy is on the decline, nothing interests me, maybe i am just depressed? whatever the malaise, i knew i needed to see the church, only they can fix me.
so when it came for the show i had to race back to the coast after work, shower change, catch train to city, see the band then return to the coast and wake up three hours later for another long day at work where i found myself having to return to the street the venue was on as i dropped a client off at her sisters in marickville, just around the corner from the factory. so it was a congested weekend.
anyways, i was very grateful that sharon and nina had saved me a barrel on which to lean, and nina blessed me with some golden aura which offerred some respite from the awful pain in my leg and the pins and needles shooting through my left hand. 
anyway's the band came on with jeffery caine who proceeded to add a layer of tone that just shifted gears in a very cool new direction, i gotta say he was excellent. 
as far as church gigs go, it was up there, the sound at the factory is never consistent and there's awful moments where it goes all out of phase but this never depletes from the performance. during those bits i watch and then when the sound comes back i listen. 
so coming onstage and playing aura is always an impressive beginning, and the songs have new textures and parts, new arrangements, that make them sound new and dynamic again. i loved the show but i have to say i wish they would just drop milky way and metropolis, the two crowd pleasers. maybe i'm just being selfish but i think it's time to put those songs to rest from live sets. 
as far as set lists go, it was an almost perfect inclusion of songs that all seemed to fit together, day 5 was transformed and transcended  possibly an all time church highlight for me, but block, constant in opel, tantalised all incredibly reworked to give them a vitality that saturated everyone present. brilliant. however, it was the new songs which impressed me more, the handful they played were executed with such immense power and conviction by steve at the front and this incredible band i was filled up with whatever missing ingredient i needed, my fix was in, it was mainlined into my blood and hit my brain at the speed of life. steves hit a new level in his presence as a stage man, he's up there with the greats, embodying the songs with conviction, love and respect, his base playing and vocals are masterful and the many tangents the band jams along make the whole evening worthwhile. 
so thank you. happy xmas to the church. 

instructions to agents

travel light

pack a book, camera and bikini

buy ticket to large island in southern hemisphere

never look back.

instructions for agents

sleep is where we meet,

exchange information

dream stuff is never snorted but inhaled

instructions for agents

look at the stars often

orgasm with them in mind 

it's all just an experience

until it isn't.

the last few months, since my return from the uk i decided to detox from weed, a big mistake. 
my body started to deteriorate, pains in my knees, my leg unable to support me, throbbing pain in the calf which i have borne in my usual stoic way. working hours pushing me over the brink, physical health, mental heath and spiritual health all falling rapidly, until i smoked a spliff and within seconds healed. i must keep smoking, keep on smoking smoke the sky away.

i have not written for weeks, maybe months, nothing. my story lays unfinished untold, and it must be borne. i'm thinking of doing something very strange with it, but it may fail. whatever, it's going to take time.

the terrible fact is i have to register my business, this involves various hours filling forms, making calls, searching online and dealing with australian bureaucracy. it kills any passion for business dead. it's a nightmare against creativity and enthusiasm  a system designed to crush anything it may not like. apparently my name is used by someone else, fuck them i think, no one should own words. 
anyway, i sort things out and move onwards, i buy a filing cabinet for the office, mission control has far to many piles of paper randomly scattered through it's rooms, so i bring a sense of order to my chaos. it has to be done. 
now the website needs making.

the waves spat me out and i walked up the shore to where she lay, by the time i arrived i was almost dry. she looked up at me as i blocked the sun, 'how was the water?'
'come find out,' i whisper and reach out for her hand.
i can see the excuses flutter through her mind, the tourist anxieties, sharks, jellyfish, sting rays, currents. 
'i'll be with you, won't let anything happen at all. in fact we won't go out of your depth.'
she has no choice but to trust me.
the sand is hot, she hops down and the first sensation of the ocean washing over her feet is relief. i guide her in, but she's smiling and filled with confidence. knee deep she laughs and i suggest she throws herself right in and gets wet. 
i lead by example and she follows. 
a powerful flood of chemicals race through her brain, the pure rush, the joy of the oceans embrace. we hold hands and i lead her further out, demonstrating how to take on a larger wave. you just dip under, never let it meet you head on at face level, just dive under and shoot out, the water will do the work for you. she tries it and comes out the other side. it's still shallow, waist hight. we repeat this three times and she finds she's further out, the water is up to her shoulders.
'this is our zone, don't need to go any further out.'
she smiles, and splashes me. we hover out there waiting, i see the wave in the distance, part of a set. i explain the system. she follows me. we dip under, surface, dip under, surface, dip under and surface, then turn and face the beach. 'follow my lead, just arms out feet out, ride the wave until you feel you should stop.kick off with your feet, ready, steady, go.'
whatever it is, chemical, phycological, physical, the surf will fix it.

love to all witches and wizards, you do the great work, and i respect that greatly.

i'm writing a novel, it's almost finished then i have to work on its narrative style. i think it's groovy, i think you will like it. i hope it will be finished in a month or two.