Wednesday, June 05, 2019

word spreads fast amongst the people i connect with, everyone knows what's going down often before i even get a chance to speak. i don't know, maybe i'm just slow on the uptake these days, nervous to commit to anything as nothing seems interested to engage on a level that means anything. just have to plod forwards on my own, in my own way and own time. i cart myself off to see my glamorous agent who has organised everything for me, she knows exactly what i like, my accomodation needs are eccentric and precise. she knows my time tables, situation and resources. she's a smart cookie and i like chatting with her about places, faces, surf. in fact in my dull ordinary days i look forwards to seeing her light up when i walk in.
so it's done, my movements are locked in, loaded and i now have to position myself in a very tight schedule for a few days. easy, but blah, i'm so unmotivated to do anything other than enter a deep state of sleep for a thousand years on ms. missions chest.
it's the strangest feeling described only by the movie 2001 space odyssey where the monkey bone spins through space and time and suddenly it's a space habitat rotating to create its own gravity. the worlds most perfect edit. that's what my head on her chest and hearing her heartbeat feels like. go figure?
and last night she shares with me her passion for 1984 and animal farm, how incredible. my two fave books are hers. 
it's mind blowing!
i watch the amazing surf break down at terrible, the swell is magnificent and there are hoards of hardcore surfers riding them, all decked out in full wetsuits. mmm, i'm tempted but i'm also very exhausted and in these conditions a man must know his limits. 
i grab a coffee and some supplies. 
i consider the doctor as i've been bleeding badly from my nose but dismiss the whole thing. whatever it is i don't really need to know about it only know it will pass like everything else in the last few months, the physical pain is so much better than the emotional, it's almost a relief.
on return i do some cleaning, heavy domestic situation and play bellydance loud. then i consider throwing stuff in a suitcase but blah, i'm renowned for packing at the last second and travelling very light. 
seems like i can just lay down for a while and listen to the birds outside. i'm going to miss them.


Anonymous said...

My heart skips a beat
I miss you...


captain mission said...