precision timed, complex intoxication, ghost moon, evolution paradox. i switched off the phones, unplugged the screen, the shrieking ravens and crows ate my oats as i stood on the balcony. ones called prometheus, the other called esmerelda i think they are married or living in some sort of committed avian relationship, they hang around sometimes pecking on my door as i drag myself out from my rooms, they have a message for me it seems.
'we come to bring you back in capt.'
'back in, what do you mean?'
'you been undercover too long, the crow says.'
i'm looking at these big black birds, they are fucking talking, in english. they hop around me, one flys up onto the barrier around the balcony, 'yeah mission, your missions over, we gotta pull you out.'
i feel like i need a drink but i don't drink, there's a cold mug of coffee in my hand, how did that get there, i can't remember.
'my mission? what was my mission?'
'you better sit down, we can explain.'
i find myself sitting in my hammock while each bird sits either side of me.
'you had a mission, hack the universe, find out what it wants. you had to infiltrate, get deep undercover and work your way into it. gain it's confidence. you were our best operative, we invested in you, and sent you in but that was a long time ago, many many years. you file your reports daily, we been receiving your transmissions. in fact our system analysts have been collating them, verifying the information, you have completed the mission much better than we ever hoped but it's time to come back in now.'
'back in, where?'
the birds looked at me, 'back in for a debrief. then get back to work, we have another mission that you may be interested in, something slightly different.'
'i don't really know what you're talking about, and since when do birds talk? i must admit feeling slightly lost these last few months, as if i have fallen into some strange grey murky depth, i can't remember much about anything really, the whole of my life is just a blur. i don't even know who i am anymore. but i like that, it feels like i'm close to knowing who i am and more importantly whom i am not. but its left me feeling isolated and alone, and distant from everything and everyone. i've lost all my friends, i can't hold on to people anymore...'
'you've developed what we call the deep fix.'
'the deep fix, ha, that's a joke right?'
the ravens eye seemed to dilate as he looked at me, 'it's the name we give to when the universe has made you. you blew your cover but you're to far in deep to get out alone, so we have to bring you out.'
i breathed out, took a sip of the cold coffee, 'that's the deep fix?'
'yeah, it's a bit more than that but essentially we need to pull the plug on this mission, despite the dangers it was a success, we have what we required. there's other missions waiting for you now.'
'so i hacked the universe, i get that, but what does it mean?'
'it means the missions over, we understand the nature of this universe, we have your reports.'
'who are you anyway, who do i work for?'
'well let's just say it's best for the integrity of the missions you don't need to know.'
'everything suddenly became far to complex, the closer i got the more complex it became until i finally got to the source code and it felt like something just had to give, there's a lot of traps and pitfalls, it's been really tricky but i was driven though. the mission had to be completed i knew that, i couldn't just abandon it. i guess that's why everyone  who's searching for answers usually stop at love and don't continue, it's very comfortable. i mean most people would just think after love it stops but my pursuits mean i've driven friends away. it's not like i have many.'
'yes fall out, everything will be okay and lets face it that little experience was pretty special for you but everything changes, you know that?'
'yeah, yeah, i know, how long is the debrief period?'
'well mission, you've done it a few times so i should imagine this time won't take to long, then when you are ready we will give you a new mission.'
'i'm tired of it all, can't i retire to a nice place with girls and coconut drinks and some of those onion baji's.'
'it would be indiscreet to say?'
'the future looks so uncertain,'
'2012 is a cosmic point in human evolution, it will come at a cost but it would be indiscreet to say more about these events.'
i nodded my head, it appears the conversation had come to it's conclusion, but the big raven esmerelda added, 'we will be in touch' as she stretched her wings and followed prometheus into the dawn.
i wandered back inside mission control and looked at the reflection in the mirror. i had been in to deep, undercover, filing my reports, focused on the mission, now it was time to come back in.