it has been many moons since i saw the high priestess although i always text at 11:11 just to let her know i think of her, but she very rarely responds, but this morning she asked to meet me for coffee which i do, and i hear her stories of men, dramas and her work and journey amongst the vine.
i'm tired, the day looms ahead, i need a new book to read, i need a hair cut and shave, i need to clean my teeth and close my eyes for a long time but there's no time. i find five dollars and go buy some toothpaste.
pan follows loyally, he attracts a lot of attention, far more than i ever do, he has many admirers and he soaks up love like a royal. his head tilts upwards and to the side slightly, he looks magnificent, finding a spot in the sunlight. i catch a glimpse of myself, run down, jaded and slouching towards babylon. some one wants to speak to me but i can't talk back, the words won't come, i have no small talk, just some murmur escapes my lips and i shuffle off, my head in the past, remembering that time, the one i have not told you about, the one when i was a normal member of society, a civilian, a social worker.
was that me?
did all that happen to me, i ask myself, it feels so distant and so extreme.
you always were an extreme kinda guy mission, it's true but that was as edgy as it gets,
what do you call an experience like that?
evil maybe.
i don't believe in evil, i remind myself, knowing i am denying experience.
i shake off the ghost. one day i'll tell you about that experience, one day soon but not yet.
the day seems to fade away, i need a book to read....