a grey area, the holding pattern, always carry a book, good advice at an early age, came from somewhere i can't recall, maybe a book. 

against my better judgement i drive into avalon, it's a strange morning, overcast, cloudy, grey, frenetic energy leaking through onto our skins, the day when fridges melt, wife's have affairs with men they hate,  children fall from skateboards, people drown in freak currents, aliens pass by, voodoo spirits walk through us, the dead rise like a b grade zombie flick. i potter about in a super market, it confuses the hell out of me, i'm not in my comfort zone here, it's awful, just insane, there's no point putting prices on anything, i prefer outdoor markets, there's to much small print in super markets, people move in weird patterns, the lights all wrong, the colour is unnatural and there's something very wrong about hearing 'love my way' coming out of tin can speakers above your head.

i buy a new toothbrush. i buy pan a big lump of meat and i get a bottle of coconut drink. and then i try to get the hell out of denver but when i get to the car it has a flat battery, i call road side assistance, it takes them 4 hours to arrive but in the meantime i encounter an old friend and we have tea. eky is leaving town, he downloads his theory of black magickians who manipulate the world. it's convincing but i think these are theories that don't necessarily ring true for me, black, white, yellow, every magickal act is a product of the magickians will and without love is unsustainable, it backfires or fails, it leaves the practitioner weak and vulnerable with the illusion of power . 
eky's opposed to magick, in theory and practise, says you don't know what forces you invoke and who controls whom. i explain that it's essential to approach magick from a mystical perspective, with ego dissolved because ego attracts parasitic beings who strike deals with the weak hosts. he's not convinced. i understand that. 
we discuss psychedelics and plant medicines something we both enjoy. he tells me he is heading north, packing it all in and going to stay out from the matrix. it's true a lot of my friends are getting out, 2012 looms nearer and some people are attuned to the shift. 
me i don't wanna go anywhere, i have no fear of the future, i'm loved by the universe. we say goodbye, a hug. i like this guy, he's very aware of the constructed reality, the fabrication of maya and how to escape by not investing in it emotionally. non attachment baby, even your own thinking. with open heart charkra those roadside assistance people turn up and i am happy to see them, i hand over hundreds of dollars and drive away, home, the sun breaks through at dusk. i give pan his treat, pull down the blinds on yesterday, look windward wayward son.