it's a shame sams boy didn't work out for her, she was kinda happy about it all coming together but it didn't, so here we are again, back in the loop, although the last few days have been nuts with autistic central, and the strange machinations of the
govt. dept that runs it. Inefficiency is the name of the game, the middle management is the fat of the system, it needs desperate shedding. these fat cats sitting in their offices creating new ways to record old information that no one ever looks at, they get paid millions to determine how a persons life can be qualified on a graph that gets filed away once it's written, it's so frustrating to have to jump through the hoops and over the hurdles of a bureaucracy that sometimes i wish sometimes i had just stuck it out and suffered for my art when i was in a band, but my fucked up sense of responsibility thought i'd do the right thing and stick with the girl, oh well i'm just feeling kinda washed out because i have been stuck at work for 16 hours and my clients are all going nuts on me, screaming in high pitched yelps, getting aggressive, restless, raiding my patience, my normal self control feels non existent and i'm loosing my sense of humor. see how they mirror me, or is it the otherway around, i guess it's that old mystic magickian thing, at the end of the day, it don't matter, my information is getting scrambled, i'm really missing the surf.
loosing my sense of humor is possibly the worst thing that can happen to me, i don't care about loosing much but that is my secret weapon, it's my defense against stupidity, ignorance, vanity, cynicism, and bad tv. sometime's it's all i have ever had and it's saved my skin. yeah i mean it, i have laughed my way out of death. even batman can't do that. my sense of humor is also used against myself, when i remember to use it.
some one said the other day, people have a front and a back, the front being the bit they present to the world, the happy face, the face they want you to see. i did an exercise once, made a mask, my mask, and then i made a mask of what lies beyond the mask, and then beyond that until i came to the final mask, it hangs in my kitchen, sometimes when i need clarity i put it on. it's a beautiful looking thing, all black with a jewel where the pineal is, possibly identical or not much different to your mask if you look deep enough, i guess one could go deeper but that's where i stopped.
strangely enough one of the first books i ever read and certainly a huge influence upon my life was 'The Jewel in the Skull' by the incredible micheal moorcock who once played in hawkwind. his fictions are a series of fantasy type books all inter- related, some almost believable and others set in worlds that even stretched my imagination, the central charater is always the same incarnation of jerry Cornelius, the eternal champion who was a pawn of the gods of order and the gods of chaos, always sent to restore the balance, however the good lords of order where not always good and the agents of chaos were not always bad, it was all about equilibrium. if you wanna read one of these books read the dancers at the end of time, it's fucking brilliant, way ahead of it's time, it's funny and original and easy to read on a bus.