the weekend was pleasing, i enjoyed making a new friend although later was surprised she didn't really connect with me in the way i thought she did. i always said i was hard to connect with. i'm so divisive, expectations are often met by disappointment, some people expect something from me and then get some facet of mine which is equally not me as much as it is, i always have to tell people i'm a multitude. i guess only the magickal mind can perceive the magickal mind.

however i was somewhat dejected as i thought this may have possibilities. however i am always quick to remount and ride the unicorn again.

finally i sleep through a night, i program my dreams now, they seem to morph into their own archetypes and my lucidity is mutable, like the rest of me. i'm pushing boundaries in dreamscapes, pushing into the life i want to create. i've come a long way. money is no longer an issue, the universe bestows in the strangest ways, however i need to be frugal, i need to consider the fact things are never as they appear. 

writing- i'm tweaking a few things, they are far from perfect but the over riding need is to get these things out. i have to push, push harder.

big day, up at 5am for a drive north in the rental car, it's a beautiful car to drive, these toyotas are very good. i notice my head hurts more today than yesterday, but i make to to the bay where i spend the morning. then a drive all the way to sydney, two hours on the freeway. 

at 11pm i drive home but have to pull over for a conversation with my boss, i walk in at 1am. shower and then at 3 wake up to a text from a friend. i spend a few hours texting, we fall asleep and and then it's now. 

things to do - do get coffee, sleep or at least lay down then back to work. my poor head is a bit confused. so much to do, so little time. 

reality - this morning i wake up with the sun, go down get a coffee before the traffic gets really bad. i pick up my almond latte and drive home in the new hybrid when suddenly on my right i see this white car travelling straight to me almost on top of my car. he crashes into my rear right side full whack and my car spins around, my head smashes against the side window. 
we pull over at the side of the road and swap details, he's just a kid, a p plater. nervous and shaken. i go easy on him as he fesses up to being responsible which is cool. 

my wheel is really badly damaged. so is my head. 

i spend hours on the phone dealing with insurance and drag myself to doctors while organising a hire car and phoning work to cancel shifts. i spilled my coffee in the crash. 

 

dream - the plane just falls out the sky after a minor explosion, i watch the white and red fuselage hit the ground, not far away from me. it's a loud noise, flames rising and black smoke, but just before it hit the ground the jet on the right wing tears itself away and twirls through the air towards me. 
i'm calculating if it will hit me, the mainframe of the aircraft has already hit the ground but the jet engine is moving at a different speed. i watch as i estimate it will hit about 200 yards away, which it does, and then unexpectedly bounces right over my head, over a high fence and crashes out of sight. 

i run towards the fuselage where the flames are dying out, the twisted metal exposing the rows of seats and dead bodies. some people are wandering around.

i know i can save lives. i race towards the wreckage, smoke and dust thick, black and heavy against the contrast of green grass and blue skies.

once in a previous incarnation when i sojourned the world as a sex god seeking out pleasure and pursuing hedonistic impulses i met my match in an amazing woman called shelly. 

shelly was a part punk, gothic mix of lesbian fetish and industrial culture, she was the high priestess of flesh and cerebral counter culture. a living orgasm machine who dripped sensuality like a snail leaves a slime trail, she turned the heads of all and parted crowds like a prophet parting the red sea. for some reason she attached herself to me. 

at the time i was aloof, wandering post divorce liminal world, numbed out on strange drugs and lost in a landscape of creatures of the night like a cynical vampyre. 

sydney was wild, a zoo without cages, we slipped from midnight clubs to exotic bars and slid from bed to bed, and in my madness i made the worst decision and split up with shelly to chase another girl. the wrong one. it's my fault but the ecstasy didn't help, the strange energy that connected me to one split me from the other. and it's a regret i had because when i told shelly she was beautiful. she took me out for dinner, bought me a beautiful piece of lapis jewelry and blessed me.

a week later i knew i had made a bad choice but shelly had gone, vanished into the night. she had given me a book, which i love called 'modern primitives' and fed my mind while she sated my need.

that was in 1996. 

yesterday we connected again. the universe just spat her out at my feet like it does.

not only is she stunning but she is the same gracious heart and sexual energy, much more powerful now. 

we exchanged a few stories, i was able to tell her how much i loved her but at the time was so emotionally fucked up i couldn't love her. it was only in the post years did i realise how much she meant to me. so i was finally able to tell her, and fill her in on my story.

she says she has some pics of us, and she remembers me fondly which is kinda nice as i probably wasn't really nice at that time.

i hope we can catch up for dinner soon, i really want to.

it's funny how life works out, it was a chance encounter, a strange random event and yet i knew it would happen. it was like i was expecting it.  

the covid year has been hard for people but on a personal note for me it has been a year of thriving growth and success. sure there's luck and chance involved in this but i accept my blessing and just want to be grateful for what has occurred. 

a few mornings ago at 0530 i shut my front door behind me and walked towards my car where i saw in the darkness a long thick black thing which i figured may have been a branch that had made its way under my car and was sticking out about 2 meters. it was no branch. it was a snake, possibly about 3 meters long, as i watched it. i had an appointment i could not be late for so using my capacity to embrace all living creatures except bush turkeys and moths, i negotiated my way inside the passengers door and clambered into the drivers seat. as i reversed the snake made it's getaway somewhere into my front garden, which is an oasis of tropical plants and wildlife.

there it has remained for a few days, in the garden of eden.

new car, very sexy sophisticated machine. more akin to a space ship than a car, it's silent therefore when i play music it's like being immersed in the sound. the car has technology that makes it drive itself, it steers itself to safety while i override the zone and keep control. it's magnificent if you like that sort of thing, plus being hybrid it is cheap to run and easy to charge.

the vibe at mission control is changing now, the bathroom is fantastic, the balcony is unreal as is my new furniture and space. once the garage is converted i will be living in the perfect environment.