i had to think fast, despite the slow time thinking fast was like walking through treacle, a thick sluggish synaptic spark leaping across to a neuron at a fraction of the speed it usually takes, but let's face it conditions were different now. everything was different now.
i pulled out my moon powered zap gun, it had not been drawn in over one year and the charge was depleted but still potent enough to get me out of any trouble. well not quite but it would offer some illumination in the slow creeping darkness that was descending.
yeah yeah, it's my mental landscape, confused, burnt out, wounded and disappointed with the whole fucking year. a year of drama, chaos and loss. a year where my self-esteem and self-respect were shattered in one act of despicable nastiness and cruelty.
'pull yourself together, lighten up, change the story, get over it.'
yeah easy for you to say i thought, the words echoed through my head like a bell ringing out at midnight.
i wade forwards through the murk, my feet seem leaden, my heart beat a rhythmic thump, the engine that keeps me going. i just don't trust my brain and the mind is deceptive in this state. only my zap gun will set me free and its charge is lower than i would have liked. yet it has never failed me.
oh, i never told you that story, how i acquired the zap gun, it will have to be written in the afterlife.
a woman in tee-shirt smiles at me as i drift passed her wake, what's with all these smiling people, am i on some strange tv show no one informed me about. she's nice, soft and feminine and i want to ask her if that smile was for me but i'm afraid of her reaction. it's just me, alone, i'll figure it all out one day but right now i need to take affirmative action.
i find a quiet spot somewhere, the waves look magnificent and i watch the energy dance. majestic. a beautiful sight, a wonderful thing to behold. i sigh, it's strange to hear such a sound escape my lips, depression has a certain beauty, a certain pathos. it also makes me very sick. very calmly i bring the gun to my chest and pull the trigger. 
lunar rays saturate my heart, and everything changes.