strange fear confronts me, mortality and all that jazz, i get a result that shocked me and i feel rebellious about the whole thing, give me my death i scream silently because life has just disappointed me. 
weird space. 
then i get a call from my friend who offers me perspective and to hold my hand during the procedure. 
well i guess i don't feel so alone now. but do i want to submit to a medical model? 
no, i can't, this is about more than medicine, this is transformation and i must go it alone because that is the way it is now. alone.
i was always a loner, love just reinforces this. 
the day falls to its knees, the hours and minutes and seconds all march onwards and i become content at the situation being a metaphysical one rather than a physical one. my body has a history of pyschosomatic transformations, this is just another at my atomic structure seems to know what it is doing before me.