on what should be the happiest day of my life i am deeply saddened by circumstance and my failures, feeling rejected and neglected, feeling so alone. everything now slips away, it all just goes from me, i didn't really ever stand a chance against such irrational hostility and circumstance. i believed, i gave it all but all i received was some weird form of anti-love.
all i got was the opposite of what he got, the inverse. i can't ever understand why, only that it felt like being crucified and i have been defeated. defeat is inside my soul, it is inside my spirit and now it is despair.