time flexes it's muscle and i find myself two weeks behind where i should be left to my own devices. the glitch lays with me, as things slide away through my grasp. i always prescribed the idea the more you cling the more pain, so i let go off all things, including my own attachment to my thoughts. 
it's often seen as an impossible standard i have set myself, which is why i disappoint everyone but i have no desire to hold onto anything until i discover what is real.
i know some truths, mostly i know lies and deceptions. i know people want me to fail, i know human nature. it's not good, because it's built upon lies and deception, but occasionally glimmers of beauty shine through. 

obviously i cannot go anywhere with the russian lady, i have a policy never to play with anyone i work with, it's always been disastrous in my past. especially when it ends and jealousies arise, plus i really don't need any drama. so, i have had a week off work, i smashed my foot and it hurt like hell so i took a few days off. hobbling around, it still hurts a bit but i am being productive, my pond has a new look and is almost respectable. the fish are very happy. 
the back garden is doing very well my exotic plant life is almost a jungle. 
i have my big bookcase arriving next week which will require preparation, and a lot of lifting but hopefully it should transform my living environment, where books literally are everywhere. 
i have been working on my novel, its been flowing but i have hit a strange spot where i am self conscious about the conversation and dialogue in one part. i'm uncertain how writers work with areas of dialogue they find don't quite gel with the flow. i guess i just have to write it again and attempt to get inside the minds of the two characters. also the punctuation gets in the way, i know you require it to read a novel but it really is a pain in the ass, far to many rules in grammar that i don't comprehend. i guess this is a bit challenging. however i am happy with my productivity this week, it's been pretty respectable.    

cute russian girl at work asks me out for lunch, it's a bombshell when she tells me she is married but she's very attractive and good company although she never lets me finish a conversation. it's okay, i have a lot of conversational topics and each one can be endless, so when someone asks me a question they need to understand i will answer it deeply. however she's just being polite, not really interested i think, bit bored with her life, i get that impression, she's smart and i have to stop staring at her breasts, i wonder if it's obvious. she's really lovely but dangerous my instinct says, i don't wanna end up in a compromising situation, the russian mafia chasing me down. 
she's talking about her journey to australia, it's strangely familiar. we eat at a very good restaurant  i'm not used to really posh places but this is excellent and i enjoy the quality of my salad. as i ramble onwards she asks me something which involves me telling her about my brain injury. she don't want to hear it, it makes her feel uncomfortable and she interrupts so the conversation comes to an end. 
later that evening she texts me, she wants to go out again, she said she enjoyed her afternoon with me. 
obviously i am happy. but i also feel a bit weird about this whole thing, maybe it's not for me. i don't want complex, it's to dramatic. i have a good situation now and don't want anything to change. it will change if i befriend this russian girl, although she has a perfect body, and she is smart. 
this whole thing was a surprise. i'm treading carefully. keeping a boundary up at all times, and keeping it platonic despite her nice curves. oh no! i'm a dead man.

on the fatebook i signed up to a few interesting esoteric groups, not because i figured i wanted to meet people or discuss anything but just as occasionally i may learn something but here's what i have learnt. a few years ago there was an idea called rule 34 which referred to the comments one reads on the net. it suggests that after a posting it only takes 34 comments before porn is posted. it's a reasonable idea, after all porn comprises off most of the internet. but there's a new rule i want to create, i call it 'rule 12' and it is based on any post that is constructed around these themes, political, spiritual, esoteric, economic, cultural or sometimes artistic. the rule 12 states that on almost any given topic some dumb commentator will post a comment alluding to some sort of conspiracy involving jews. 
i see it all the time, everywhere and usually leave the group after posting a response. i saw one this morning on a group ironically called 'closed minds never open doors' which was absolutely absurd. how can a group titled 'closed minds never open doors' come up with followers whom have such closed minds? 
it's pretty normal these days for everyone to hate jews, jeremy corbyn the nutcase loved by most of the dumbest people on earth is a raging anti jewish fascist, i knew this years ago when he celebrated with hamas and hezbollah the murder of jewish people, most people i know seemed to openly support him years later when he promised to take the uk back to the 70's. but people are insanely stupid. the internet is just a hologram of that fact. fatebook is filled with stupidity and moronic posts. people settle for the ignorant over the  wise, people are now so dumb they accept whatever feels good for them, whatever elevates their guilt, and often it's to blame someone else for it.
rule 12. watch out for it.   

what could be worse than a flesh eating bacteria, an insidious entropy if ever there was. i hear stories of such awful things, sometimes in cities, often in african villages or in far continents, on other planets, it does sound almost alien. 
but there is another sickness, the soul eating one, not caused by desease but society, culture and the lives we lead. the western sickness, despair, alienation, loneliness and fear. 

with the flesh eating illness the body is pumped full of morphine and antibiotics. doctors wear masks and gloves and keep you in isolation. occasionally the photograph hits the mainstream, or a news report and it's ugly and we close our eyes.

in modern cultures doctors are unaware of the soul eating illness and carriers inoculate themselves with consumption. we accumulate more, surround ourselves with stuff, fill our heads with junk and look desperate as we seek blame in some great constructed structure. often religion is the vaccination, some sort of spiritual connection with something. 

charlatans prey upon the weak, exploit the western sickness. they suck not blood but more of your soul. one should be very careful whom you let in close. their motivation is mostly unconscious  they know not what they do,only that they seek validation in your own undoing and misery, perhaps it makes you appear equal to them. 

only beauty can save us. only total dissolution of the self, of the selves of the boundaries that penetrate fear. death itself is the liberator although nobody wants to die, we should not fear it. 

the sickness of the soul feeds upon fear. we all are infected  only some acknowledge this and attempt to heal.

the witches say 'do no harm' and i like this idea in theory, but sometimes harm is necessary to counter a greater harm, we are not and never can be arbitrators of karma. only the universe can comprehend what acts are good and what acts are not. 

the zen masters say, 'do nothing' but even nothing is something. 

the christian says, 'choose love' but love only gets you so far.

the muslim says, 'surrender' but surrendering is fatalistic and therefore nihilistic and like all the above may have its place in short moments.

the jew says there is only 'one' dimension and within lay all the others.

the buddhist says, 'let go' but in the western sickness if you let go you fall into the abyss, for there are many steps before letting go a soul must aspire to. reincarnation has trajectory.

the atheist has such a closed mind they are far to late to save.

the agnostic is honest.

the magickian says nothing but knows all.

the western sickness occurs when dominant cultures and societies are fat, lazy and asleep at the wheel. they are over ripe with hubris and ego, masters of their worlds. ironically the western sickness strikes when the society is at it's healthiest.

to all ufo conspiracy fruitcakes  here's the truth. i'm going to give it to you straight. are you ready.
yes. ufo's are real. 
now what?
there is no point in holding a fucking conference, no point in telling everyone about it, no point in running around inventing stories about them. the point is we are living on earth and aliens have been amongst us for eons. there's nothing we can do, say or talk about until they reveal themselves so just keep calm. go about your business and contribute to humanity by doing something useful rather than having conferences about ufos and freaking out about them. 

i have a work colleague who seems obsessed with me, she writes hundreds of text messages and sends me photographs of dogs, food and  links to news that does not interest me, she phones me to inform me about insignificant trivial matters. 
i had a coffee today with almond milk
i saw a bat
i moved a piece of rock
i like cheese thats yellow.
bobs a bit weird.
mark needs to get more pants.
jenny says hi.
carolines nice.
it's endless, a stream of incoherent meaningless babble from a brain that desperately wants to be a writer or journalist or a film maker but only manages to talk rubbish most of the time. 
anyways she recently met a man who is some sort of ufo guru and she told me about him thinking i would like him, i don't. she told me not to tell him she had told me he was interested in ufo's. i didn't ever engage with the guy, he's not someone i want to get to know. however he approached me, knowing far to much about me, i asked how he knew this and was informed this girl had spoken to him. 
he was rude and intrusive, probing me about my book, and my music. i  felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing, being interrogated by ufo man left me feeling very bitter. i hate people who fucking think they know me, think they can just be my friend and have access to my ideas and personal information. it really pisses me off.
the girl is a twit. i have nothing in common with her other than i work with her, the ufo man is a twit as well, i wish she would get obsessed about him instead of me. 

the longer i spend in australia the more i realise how dumb the place actually i. it's so busy making fun of america it's lost any credibility as a serious player on the world stage. a country rich in resources that it sells to the highest bidder and buys back at an even higher price. a country where youth unemployment is so high the govt. won't mention it. a place where the population centres are now overcrowded and spilling onto the streets, under bridges and in caves. a place where every single institution is corrupt, functions at a low vibration and capacity and fulfils no duty whatsoever. a visionless place where the smart members of the population have moved overseas and left the bankers real estate agents lawyers and politicians to run the place into the ground. 
all the while, the australian public enjoy a selective cultural display that suits the agendas of the elites.
it's that time of the year again where the sydney literary festival is held and as i go to investigate what do i see, the usual suspects. abc journalists, sydney morning herald journalists and the politically correct wankers whom make no contribution to art other than sanctify what is safe and accessible for your consumption. 
not one inspirational intellect, not one alternative voice, not one. just like the film festival, the art festival and the food festival. the middle class champagne green socialist trendies in their non offensive tee shirts and non offensive haircuts and non offensive conversations have nothing to add except a social media hashtag expressing how much they care by virtue signalling.
no wonder i hardly ever go out anymore. where would i go to have my brain challenged and my mind expanded. where would i go to hear some thing different, a spark of genius and inspirational.
there is nothing here now, just the beach, the blue skies, the waves.