something has changed and i'm not certain if it's me or the environment  the last month has been unbearably hot, no usually i bear it well, but for some reason it's knocked me back this december/ january.
i usually embrace summer but for the first time ever i'm just feeling like a languid washed up poet in an opium den. energy is low, bursts of wild thoughts, very little movement as i mostly lay upon a futon under a fan. incense burns, my brand is 'black magic' which i really enjoy and resonate with. not because i'm a black magickian but because the scent it spreads around my home is perfrect and conducive to my thoughts. mostly erotic fantasies and travels through new dimensions. 
sensual warm ones, the real scent of women, musk, cinnamon, traces of cloves and nutmeg but something else, heavy and human, sweat and sex.
the days slide into nights without any worlds between them, time travels much slower here, as though the very space it moves through is molasses. breathing requires additional effort, everything is slow, sound slows down, words and movement. 
memories fall between the  forgotten and lost. there's no innocent in this realm, we are all guilty of something but can't recall what it is we seek escape from. only a certain applied application in focused precision thought reveals it's ourselves. only to have that fundamental key is to unlock the pleasure of our indulgences. 
if we are lucky, in the evenings a slight breeze through mission control, you can hear it in the trees from afar, getting louder as it draws nearer, a wonderful short lived moment of fresh light air.
but the arms of the women, the sensational realm of pleasure in in deep. it flows through our hedonistic bones and blood, it clouds everything with it's beautiful painkilling afflictions. it's where we can loose ourselves for as long as we need. it's our safe spot, sometimes.  

wow, finally one day off to consolidate the things i need to do, where does time go? same place as space i guess. 
i'm actually exhausted, suffering from burn out, in need of a long break from the grind but these luxuries are unattainable at present and i don't wanna complain to much, after all i am lucky in many ways. 
so, i met with my web man this morning. i was late, fast asleep, snoozing in dreamland way back in west berlin when my phone woke me with it's strange new ringtone. i made the cafe in minites, and was having in depth discussion with my main man taruk about possible ideas. very satisfactory and i hope we can get cracking with this project. i have two years in which to get it running and lucrative so the sooner i start the better.
what else, can i say. rain and sun have burnt my beautiful garden, turning all the lush vegetation brown and uselessly dead. i have to regenerate everything, cut back and hack away the debris. it's a big job and requires a certain physicality which is missing at the moment. 
to be honest i need to have a few more hours sleep, a siesta maybe? 

went to see 'shape of water' 
how disappointing, like crimson peak in many ways, that guy just is stick in his fable and it's really not that good a story. it could have been so much better if he had been braver, darker and trusted his audience with some intelligence. i would have made a completely different story, much more subversive, taboo and provocative. i understand the experimental aspects he included but they lacked imagination and where utterly foolish in my opinion.

the other thing is, i have been unfortunately watching this show on tv each night. it coincides with my evenings at work where i have to chill out and wait for the next person, so i switch on the tv and see this idiot hosting his show. he's tom ballard and he has the worst tv show i have ever seen. it's apparently a news program yet it's dumbed down, predictable and utter garbage. how does he get this tv show on the national broadcaster? well he hates trump, anything conservative, liberal or libertarian. he's a propagandist more than a comedian. utterly disgraceful, in fact i loathe this guy so much if i saw him i would have to punch him on the nose. honestly, he needs it.

i'm fucking nuts, breaking my back at work with my stupid work ethic while everyone else is leaving early, doing nothing or making me do their work. i work in a great place, with great clients but jesus, some of the staff are nuts. one is a solicitor, and he constantly argues with everyone, avoids doing anything productive and leaves his work for me to do.example. i had an appointment with a client and he asks me if i can take another clients paperwork in to my appointment as the dr. forgot to sign it when they were there last week. i say, no, make another appointment and i will gladly take it. 
he says, i am wrong and that it will take three seconds to sign the page completely misunderstanding my point. which is, people with disabilities should have some dignity, they should have the same assess to their doctors that we all have, and not share appointments. 
in the end after a massive argument i make an appointment for his client and annex it to mine, then my client does not get charged for  his clients paperwork. jesus, i end up having to do his work as he didn't do it correctly and is blaming the dr. for forgetting  i'm running around with a handful of files and a client in a wheelchair who has a seizure in the waiting room. it's nuts.
i gotta get back to being a writer. my story is sinking into the abyss, it needs attention and next week i have time that i will devote to it's new incarnation. 
i may start writing it up on here for people to read, it's going to be quite complex and long but i think you may enjoy parts of it. 

thunder gods arrive with fierce fanfare, the trumpet blows from a distance as the weather patterns shift and rain finally falls. i awake at 0500 dawn filters through mission control, it's darker than it should be, as black grey clouds block the sun. outside i see the tropical garden celebrate the rain, big palms leaves and fronds dancing in joy, the grass whispers, green shoots sprouting up from the earth. 
the thunder rumbles, it's long and wobbly like an upset stomach, thankfully no lightening yet. my flame red tree looks amazing in contrast to the shades of deep green that surround it.
in the distance i see the river run, mysterious and dark, like some fairy tale where the woods deepen. two huge gum trees pained upon the landscape.
i hear frogs, crickets and see the birds activity as they search for food. life returns from the scorched earth, life always finds a way. 
the temperature has dropped considerably, it's much more bearable. my bamboo is growing as i watch it.  

John Cale - Full Performance (Live on KEXP)

sydney is basking in the hottest day ever, it's actually impossible to bask as it's so hot it just feels horrible, like everything is slowly melting. i was awake at 0600 and already the cicadas were making a cacophony outside. every minite the temperature just increased by a degree until it stuck at 48 degrees.
it was very unpleasant.
i drove into the city and most kitchens were shut, the streets where empty although there were lots of cars on the freeway, air conditioning is king. cinemas were packed, supermarkets and shopping malls spilling over with people just needed to keep it cool. 
it's now 2230 and it's still stinking hot.
i suck down ice cubes in my sarong, while i smoke a big spliff and contemplate sleeping in this sticky atmosphere. in the distance, thunder.

reality, a field of probability waves superimposed, where cause and effect and time are not fixed. in subatomic realms one cannot measure the particle and measure the wave, one precludes knowledge of the other. in choosing to observe one the observer defines it, conciousness therefore plays a key role in observation. this is the collapse of wave probability function. what is the nature that links conciousness to quantum events?
the uncertainty principle implies an existence of a method to transfer information from the observers conciousness to the quantum realm.
the paradox of non locality (entanglement) implies two possibilities, one being photons can travel faster than light or they somehow remain connected as parts of an indivisible system. the first works well with relativity, the second suggests interconnectedness. thus information that causes change can be exchanged regardless of distance.
most physicists would say this cannot happen at macroscopic levels, yet magickians would say this occurs because off a side effect of our conciousness not inevitably an occult process, it can be hacked.
quantum magickal theory implies we can select a reality through transmission of information, alternatively we can pluck information through selecting a reality.
it is easy to speculate upon the significance of hacking in computer terminology, and thus bridge a gap between technology and magick. 
i no longer use magick as magick uses me, i just have to be open to it happening and never judge it's circumstances or intelligence. often what seems to be bad luck, becomes good fortune, application of value fucks with the program. that's very human, and likeable as an intrinsic quality, i mean we all are programmed to judge. facebook is a classic example of judgement. 
the problem is it's also a fixed point in time and space where consciousness is trapped, it get's stuck in the feedback loop attracting more and more similar positions that validate itself. the non judgemental approach is resistance free, it allows consciousness to flow and things happen. 'it's neither good or bad, it just is' is an effective formula to free the mind from entanglement. of course some times getting entangled is just what the dr. ordered.

'andromeda looks beautiful today.' 
i was fiddling with my zap gun, adjusting some valves and circuits and for a moment i peered out the tiny window and saw the galaxy. the words just slipped out my dumb mouth. they floated around me like bubbles and popped over my head. although it was a naturally understandable comment it felt wrong, no one else would ever hear those words, they were meant to be heard and this vision of andromeda was meant to be shared. it was truly magnificent.
i put the zap gun down and left it there, flux circuits exposed, made my way through the hive section and took the corridor to where the ice cubes were. i knew the rules but fuck it, rules don't count in space. space does strange things to you when you been floating through it for long periods. let's face it i been alone a long time, captain of a strange ship, pirate and now peace envoy, caretaker of precious cargo,  the two princesses. 
one from gliese 581b the other from 581c. both in ice cubes, well it was slightly more sophisticated than ice but a combination of suspended animation and tachyon fields kept them on ice for the seventeen year journey. these beauties were being married off to some strange alien lobsters so the galaxy would remain in a state of peace. it was a strange diplomacy, old fashioned really but effective. 
fuck it!
i would be shot for this but life is short. well it is for me outside an ice cube for the girls it would be 17 years longer, but 17 years of deep freeze can make the mind alter and who is to say they may never quite be the same psychologically. i'm doing it for their sanity as well as my own, i reasoned.
i opened the panel and typed in the commands.
fifteen minites later i was pouring hot coffee into two cups and kicking myself at my stupidity. the peace of a galactic federation was at stake, i'd just sabotaged the only hope there was.
i smoked a joint and watched the girls gain full awareness as they sipped their drinks. 
'so we are not there yet?'
i shook my head.
'and you woke us prematurely to show us the view?'
'yes, but seeing as though you are up now why not stay up and stretch your legs, eat some real food, watch some movies, have a bath, enjoy freedom and then in a few years i'll put you under again.'
'it sounds like a holiday,' 581b says.
'yeah that's exactly what it will be.'
'we may as well enjoy some little time before we have to marry those creatures.'
'exactly.' i say it with such relief the girls absolve me of my guilt.
i lead them past the hive and back to the main room where i activate the dome, and just like a petal the metallic structure opens up letting in an array of splendour.
the girls are breathless, it's awesome. we are all dressed in our skin two suits, mine black, theirs a rich purple. i watch them twirl under the scene, around and around, almost dancing, spellbound.
it really is something. the dome offered 180 degree vision and it was filled with the frenzy of phycadelic colour shifts, from softer pastels to fluorescent starbursts of primary's and then slap bang in the centre lay the most incredible looking blue sun.
'it's so beautiful,' 581b whispered.
her hand reached out and found 581c's. fingers clutched.
it was indeed beautiful.
i sat down on the lounge and let the girls enjoy their moment, they pointed out parts of the vista to one another and giggled.
in a few hours we would navigate past andromeda and the view behind us, i'd have to think of a way to hack diagnostics and make the edit to their ice cube continuity status. it should be a piece of cake, a simple use of taychon looped energy would do the trick. that would manipulate the information and put it in the loop therefore it would continually be in transmission, never reaching the monitors of my employers until i was cashed up and gone. i fiddled around on a console and made the hack. now no one back there would know i prematurely awoke the princesses we could all relax. 
so two princesses, a renegade peace envoy, what fun we would have. and we did. it turned a boring voyage into a memorable one. 
years later we were waking up from a deep sleep after a night of debauchery when i realised something was wrong. 
g851b lay wrapped in a silk sheet and her pale flesh rose up and down gently, her lips had a slight tremor every time she exhaled and her eyes fluttered in rem sleep. i wondered what she was dreaming off as guilt flooded my mind. tomorrow morning i would have to put them both under. they are not going to want to go willingly, why would they. all fate had in store was slavery to the lobsters, god knows what terrors that incorporated. i'd have one last session of pleasure and play, and then slip them a sed in a drink, that way things should be easier all round. 
i put my arms around g851b and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. as i lay there it occurred to me g851c was absent. 
i slipped on some shorts and followed a trail of light to the recreational room. g851c was leaning into a modified nourishment outlet and with a long spoon tasting various flavoured ice creams. 
every now and then a sigh of pleasure would escape her lips. i watched from the corridor as i worked out what was going on. in between our fun time and while i slept the girls had taken turns to sneak away into the simulators and stuff their faces on cakes and ice creams, they were gorging out on the good stuff and then sneaking back to relieve the other.
while it was perfectly understandable it did present a problem, each of them had packed on a few pounds, and the weight displacement would effect the calculations when they returned to ice. there would be no way i could hide the discrepancy. i was fucked but at least we had seen andromeda at it's most beautiful.       
      

new years day according to a calendar people have followed, not me, i have no attachments to it or the idea of it, it's a tool, it's a guideline for order, a method for control. it served a purpose once but these days it's pointless and meaningless. 
abstractions have played a large part in life, they are my dark matter, dive in and swim around, you learn a little about what's real and what is not. one mans reality is another mans illusion, we are all stars right?
i watched a three part movie series on the life of carlos the jackal, star of 70's terrorism and idealistic youth to stupid to know the future was a cage or a bullet waiting for them. it's depressing to see how complicit europe was in terrorism, as long as it was not upon their soil, and yet ironically europe hates this about america.
nothing much has changed, the old guard just have younger faces, i guess that's the elite that hates trump now, they hate anything that  takes their power from them. most of them don't even know why they hate him, they just do it because its fashion and they are sheep. the guy is an idiot and the situation is bizarre but it's nowhere near as evil as a clinton administration would be. 

so, i've begun a little review of my book, it needs work, it's complex and i tend to repeat things within the narrative, it really requires an editor. fortunately i may have found one in speedsexy, an agent who seems to like what i write. i am grateful, it gives me someone to write for. perhaps agent speedsexy one day will be my agent, in a literary way, wouldn't that be great. 

my local new years celebration at terrible beach resulted in a ship exploding, fireworks went up in a huge blast and the beach was evacuated. i was asleep in bed, i usually enter the dream state each new years, so missed out on the display and celebration.
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/fireworks-display-goes-awry-after-barge-catches-fire-off-terrigal-beach-20171231-h0buk8.html