choices are limited, i could have flown straight to london but i would have arrived a mess, drooling and dribbling like a jet lagged clown in a sarong balancing suitcases through the rush hour commuter chaos, instead i thought five days in bali would alleviate my stress and the anxiety i have accumulated in my physical form.
it worked to a point. i took myself out of the balanese tourist areas and into the more remote areas, in the jungle, tiny beaches, remote villages and no connectivity with anything remotely civilized, nothing much to do except watch the sun rise and set, get massaged and eat papaya.
my balinese experience was amazing, scooting around on moped, surfing in warm water and generally finding myself loosen up again, as balanese hands released the knots and tensions trapped within my flesh, using hot rock technique, bamboo and lots of oils, certain pressure points setting free traumas and negative experiences. it was very much like returning to my original self. i can recommend to all people seeking some sort of healing, bali is cheap, it is effective, it is real and it is a memory to treasure. i fully understand why bowie asked for his ashes to be scattered there, i would want that to, bali culture is easy to love, rich with friendly islander hinduism, the locals are beautiful and friendly. it's a simple place but deeply traditional, deeply joyous. 
yes indonesia presence is there, casting a shadow upon everything but that's all the more reason to visit and support the natives.
when i did return to town connectivity ruined my bliss.


sadness.

i move to malaysia, eat a hot laska and jump on-board a aircraft bound for london. i catch the train and alight at my parents. i feel okay, still relaxed and healthy, my body feels vital and motivated. the next day i set off to meet jake in the city but get misdirected and end up having to walk for hours (thanks google maps) when eventually i see jake i am exhausted.
we eat dinner out at a turkish place, there's some kerfuffle over pizza and pide, the waiter has an attitude problem, something i notice here more and more is the way people like to stick their nose in other peoples business and have their say. it's quite unsettling, people making assumptions, telling you what they think about something you are doing, or saying. an example is at the supermarket i buy a pair of pants and after paying ask if i can have a plastic bag. i'm surprised when they say i'd have to pay for it, and the woman in the queue says, 'you ought to know that you pay for bags.'
'well lady, i don't live in the uk so forgive me if i don't know that'.


the next day i notice my legs are infected with some sort of strange red colouring upon the skins surface, it's not itchy or scratching but it is bizarre. a criss crossing of strange shapes bright blood red have formed like giraffe patterns all over my lower legs. everyone tells me i need to go to hospital. 
the intake officer quarantines me.
the doctor repeatedly asks if i am on drugs, he asks me the question over and over again, he asks me if i drink and won't believe me when i say i don't.
i get in a huge fight with my mother who seems to side with the doctor.
the upshot is i am on antibiotics and some other medication.  the doctor had no idea what was wrong but suggested the antibiotics to fill his quota so he can have a free holiday paid for by the pharmaceutical company. he also says my blood pressure is high, mmm, i think, yours would be if you had a stupid doctor repeatedly asking if you were a drug addict. i felt like telling him there was only one dealer of drugs in this room and it was not me. 
so i'm in recovery mode, trying to relax, resting my legs, and reading my book.