okay i ate some weird asian food, some sort of jelly like seaweed, it tasted of the deep, it could have been anything, it may be radioactive, it could be a creature suspended in some kind of ectoplasm, maybe even just a cake of obscure plankton, i have no idea but whatever it was has laid me low.
often when i am in an asian supermarket i see products in asian packaging, i have no idea what they are, the wording is korean or vietnamese or it could be tibetan or even from somewhere like exotic butan, it's a wild guess every time. as for the product, a total mystery and sometimes the taste is alien, it's unknown territory an adventure. i know it seems ridiculous really but i like putting myself through these experiences, they are usually harmless.
i tend to go for the weird seaweed stuff, dried or wet, it's all good as i feel my body absorbing the nutrients, defining the taste and flavour into some kind of category, but just this once i have bitten into something that has reacted very badly, something my system cannot define or assimilate.
the package was translucent with black writing and a picture of what looks like a toadstool or mushroom, there are small little people with big heads pointing at it as they dance beneath it's head. it feels soft and cold as i handle the package and when i opened it i was uncertain wether it should be cooked or eaten raw, it kind of oozed out onto the plate, and then it expanded into a white jelly type shape that took up the whole area of the plate, it did look like a super mushroom, very large covered in some sort of viscous slime.
i attempted to smell it but nothing registered, and i turned it around suspiciously, looking for any signs of a face, again nothing, it seemed reasonable to assume the blob was a sea vegetable of sorts.
i couldn't eat it with my hands, it had swollen now and was the size of a watermelon. i'm not sure how they squeezed it into the tube, which was about the same size as a pack of 20 cigarettes.
grabbing a knife and fork i sliced a piece off, the slicing felt easy, like cutting through the inside of a watermelon, only a strange black ink started to leak out. on closer inspection it was blue, a deep cobalt blue.
dipping the flesh into the liquid i brought the slice up to my lips, there was a moment of anxiety, i don't know why i didn't stop then, i should have trusted my instinct but instead i slipped the piece in and suddenly the most strange effect occurred. i found my mouth warming, my lips burning and my tongue began to swell up. This all happened fast, 10-15 seconds, i found myself swooning, the colours seemed to explode, mission control began to expand, i immediately thought of alice entering wonderland, shrinking or was it rapid growth, jesus i could feel my body heating up and then i must have passed out.
the weight of my body was unfamiliar, as though gravity had shifted, my eyes couldn't function correctly, blurred shapes loomed and then receded. my skin felt so wet, i was drenched in sweat i realised.
i attempted standing but i was already standing, or floating, i was floating, my body still lay upon the floor, i could see it there, laying still on my kitchen floor, only it was no longer my kitchen floor it was the ocean floor, a sea bed.
i seemed to hover for a while, and then some shapes flashed by, small shadows, slithering in my peripheral vision. but there was the tentacle, it came out from nowhere, unfurling itself, a huge immense thing from the darkness, it swept past me and i could feel the swirl from it's force, i could see the saucer like suckers, the size of dinner plates. there was a lot of turbulence and i could feel the terror creeping through my skin, bile rose from my guts, i was shaking and then suddenly i was laying upon the floor gazing up at the kitchen ceiling.
i calmed myself and wandered into the kitchen. it felt strange to use my legs, i looked at the jelly type thing on the plate, god knows what it is. i wrapped it in plastic and was about to throw it in the bin, but instead i stuck it in the freezer.
you never know when something like this may come in handy.