pushing the wind
stopping the tide
only fools and gods
attempt to try
yeah i'm a classic fool, always twirling and tumbling, stumbling and bumbling along my merry little life. not a care and all the care, it's just a dream sometimes and it hurts like life sometimes. sometimes when i think about the things i have lost i just feel the weight of my history like a fucking powerful gravity crushing my bones and sometimes i feel lighter than a bubble. catch me on a good day i'lll float away, and those that appreciate a good bubble will let me, those that don't will prod and poke, stick a finger in until i shatter into many fragments of nothingness, and your left with an idea.
jake and i go into town, the local one, a slight blue sky pokes through the grey clouds but not for long, the rain clouds appear on cue, we walk into the high street and look at all the people with their bad skin and broken hearts, the ripped up shredded dreams torn from their shell like bodies, the hopes sucked from their minds and replaced with a dangerous nillistic dread. you can see the hate rippling from their faces, anger is an energy, snippets of conversations,
'tell that fucken bitch ta get her ass dawon ere nah.'
'smacked im in his hed i did.'
'daft cunt ended up in nick with broken ribs innit.'
'i gave her a slap round the boat race, shut her up.'
yeah on it goes, the old people with their trolly's push their way through a war zone of drunken russian types, they grip their purses and look around with nerves frayed, the fear is so thick, it's like a soup you can eat.
we do meet a friendly guy in a bank, he's great, helps jake open up a bank account. he wears a badge that says his name, i can't pronounce it but underneath it says, 'i like star wars.' so as we leave i say, 'may the force be with you.'
this seems to make his day.
yeah i'm a fool and a renegade spreading a few smiles in type of hell.
we wander through some mall, looking for something to give us some spark, we wander into a book shop, but there's nothing in there really, just dead books, nothing new.
on the bus home the driver rips me off and i gaze out of the window thinking about the karmic implications, and as i jump of the bus i wave to the driver and yell, 'instant karma.'
he's to far gone to really register, i walk towards the family home, it's not joyous at all, it's a hollow, terrible thing, everyone shouting and screaming and panic reigns supreme, i phone an old pal, ian, he's very happy to hear from me, ironically he has lived in brisbane for the last 10 years and is teaching photography at the same university we both studied photography in.
'i've come full circle.' he says.
i laugh silently thinking my life is a freaking spiral, i'm uncertain if i'm going up or down, but i end up saying nothing of consequence. ian is excited, we decide to go for drinks tonight.