Thursday, February 07, 2008

I had another ayahuscia session last night, it was quite spontanious and so i was kinda unprepared although i managed to fast for 12 hours before hand, i did not meditate or have any pressing issues apart from my somewhat 'melencholy mood' and my heartbreak over Mer so i basically just asked for healing.
It was hosted by my friend La, a very modern sha-wo-man, and possibly the most powerful one i have met in australia, she invited me and about 5 of her friends for the session, that lasted from about 7pm monday till midday tuesday. i usually leave the group early to pursue my own activities so at about 6am i was walking along the beach in the rain with Pan.
The session was quite amazing, i've never emersed myself in the experience so much, and i died. The fear of letting go was absolutly intense, usually i jump into these experiences but this time i was clinging on, resisting. I felt and visioned myself as an old warrior, my chest moved up and down with my last few breathes, it was quite beautiful but also very terrifing. I lay upon my back listening to owls hearalding the dawn and although it had been raining all night there was a moments reprive, it was an ancient moment and in that stillness i surrenderred and died.
It was quite beautiful, kinda how i imagine robin hood dying in the forest although it had a more tribal, american indian element than english.
Anyways so much stuff came up for me, i really have felt so depressed as if i have lived my life and now i am weary from it, i have done my biologiocal duties and i think i was feeling redundent.
Anyways it was amazing, the ceremony was led by a really young guy called Li who was ancient soul wise, at one point (the throwing up bit) i was retching out into a bucket while he held it for me patting my back.
I said, 'Thanks brother, the healings gone deep for me.'
He said, 'No. Thank you. You are healing me.'
How fucking cool is that.

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