lsd for breakfast and i'm wandering around mission control looking like a cosmic snowman on holiday, naked except for my scarf and sunglasses, looking at carious piles of papre work and pages from projects, i stop to look at a few books piled up shrine like, a band called love and money from scotland, i stick one cd on and start to merge into the fractal process, time seems to blend into the walls and for a moment reality sees the true nature of me.
its a tim leary moment, now i am driving my high preformance proton, meshed into its chasis, every movement is an extension of my thoughts, this is what the future will be like, its beautiful, part human, part technology, harmoniously entwined in a symbiotic relationship, our flesh enchanced, data is blood, the quanta has shifted, evolution strikes again.
$!000 poorer but i am the future and the future is now sisters.

its been remarkably strange, these last few days, i feel i have crossed a huge abyss in my age and growth and i feel a have outgrown my independence and life as a single individual organism, it's time to mix and match, mesh and merge, no man is an island, but i will be a archipelego, my son has disappeared into the ebb and flow and i am left pondering these final days. I have been a magickian now for so many years but it is time to find my whore of babylon and work with that current. this is a huge step in my magickal development. many women have come, attraction draws them in and knowledge repels them but meredith, she is ....the whore of babylon, my muse.

it's monday and im still driving around in XEY the red heap, awaiting a verdict on my Proton, i tells ya i was driving home last night in the rain and i could feel the rain dripping on my head, such is the sophisticated driving machine i have been lent, oh well i should not complain, at least i can move around.
last night i enjoyed a wonderful evening at evan and pos, really amazing food and such lovely people.
my thoughts have been focused around meredith, pondering my relationship with her and if we can get through the distance and time, at the moment it dosn't present to be a problem but who knows.
picked up a few neil young cds, arc, rust never sleeps and weld, three live doubles. all excellent. check out his website its pretty intresting.
spent a lazy morning drinking coffee with steve and linda, contemplating the universe, particularly the influence of the planets upon human beings. are we really influenced by rocks in space, i don't know, i can't see how we can't be given that nature is hardwired into the moon cycles etc. ever seen coral spawn in a full moon, its awesome. women all bleed by the moon, tides all moon power. so i guess there must be some sort of influence at work.

-"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

just finished reading 'getafix' a fantastic fast paced roller coaster ride through india berlin denmark and israel, ians writing is hyper descriptive,able to manifest all sorts of imagry in between the story, yeah i love the way this guy writes, it's a gonzo journalism technique with unsavoury charachters you can relate to becuase they are doing the same thing as you or i would do under the circumstances, these people inhabit the world, they make the world, they are the world.

here i am driving home in a car that has just been serviced, when all of a sudden it starts making a terrible noise, like its a deisil truck, i drive it straight to my man, dan, who says its undrivable. I hope he can fix it up soon, else i'm kinda stuck. this is the thing about mechanics they operate on a level so far removed from my reality i have no idea what they do when i entrust them with my car. its a strange relationship, basically we are powerless in our ignorance.


i see lloyd cole is coming to town next month, i'm looking forwards to seeing him, at the basement. Lat time i saw him he was making a commotion.

these pics are of the eagle nebula somewhere above or below ya, beautiful hey? i often wonder if they represent parts of my head, synapes, information in fracal form, resourses and potentials, as above so below, i like the idea of having a space in my head where an eagle nebula can exist.
i just finished reading 'marqis' by ian lloyd neubauer and its fantastic, well worth getting hold off, i love his style and story. Strangely one day while wandering through glebe markets i cam across him and we had a short chat and i told him how much i enjoyed his books, i picked up Getafix, which i am reading now.

back from adalaide, short break to catch up with meredith, flew the jetstar, not bad at all, very pleasant flight, service was good and punctual. well adailade was pretty diverse, good mix of people wandering around grooving to womad festiva. ironically i attended the first ever womad festival in bath, corodinated by peter gabriel himself. womadalaide is however slghtly different, lot bigger now, 3 days, more respected and certainly high on the culture scale. anyway meredith and i dropped some e's and wandered around the festival like atmosphere, we visited various coffee shops and spent a day shopping in the main part of the city but for the most of my time i was indoors generally amazed at how my body and mind were adjusting to being away from work. i was beginning to unwind.
one of my fave shows on tv is boston legal a show meredith introduced me to, she had picked up season 2 so we watched a fair amount of episodes, smoked a few joints and drank white russians. it's not something i would normally do but i was on holiday, kicking back.
as far as meredith goes, she's kinda freaking me out being so prefect.

went to see the cd launch of El Momento Siguiente at the basement, took an old friend simone, we positioned ourselves in the perfect spot, heard the sizziling soundcheck and waited for my brother to turn up which he didn't. Caught up with Lattitia and Julia and we all witnessed an amazing show, yes the band were brilliant. An amazing version of Kate Bush's Hounds of Love, absolutly brilliant. I can't even begin to describe how. It was a great little crowd in there tonight, nice venue despite a few sound diffculties, i finally got the blurred crusade on cd plus three new t shirts. Steve mentioned they may be off to Budapest for a while.

went to debrief with the lovely larrissa who has suggested starting an ayahusca cult with me and a few select others, these would be sessions self conducted, both of us would be responsible for a small group of up to 6 people, maybe growing in time. it's the realization of a wish i have had for many months, the universe has granted me a great opurtunity.

Okay lets see where we are, i did the Ayahuscia ceromony again, this time drank three brews, the potency was a lot less intense than last time, i think there were a few novices in the group, Darpan was there to lead us through with his music and songs. No real visions but some intresting revelations,
I listened to the plant guide me through my programming and my ideology, and eventually i came to my feelings about israel. i realised that one one level the jews have only one way to deal with the issue. They need to leave. They need to relinquish everything, homes and land and once more go out into the wilderness. It came to me that the jews have one ideal / belief / that remains consistant with them, its the idea of God. In the old testament one of the strories that always made me question God was the story of Abraham and Issac, i was always thinking, what kind of God puts some one through a test of faith like that. Then i realised that now in contempory isreal the jewish people are being tested about their faith. Sure we can head down the path to armigedion but we can also save the planet by leaving everything and moving else where.Israel is a state of mind, we had it 2000 years ago, we lost it, over and over, but we survived, We need to give the land to the arabs, we need to say, here is the land, you are prepared to destroy life for, we value life more than land, have it, see if possessing it makes you any less at peace with yourself.
It was a startling idea, i know that its highly unlikely, i mean would you give up your home, or would you fight. I still don't know what the answer is, but i was left shaken by the idea.
Another revelation is the current war i am having with the lady below me, who is some what selfish and inconsiderate, she has made things quite difficult for me, and i have not responded well, in fact i have really been quite vicious. So i want to rectify this some how, maybe i'll invite her kids over for breakfast. Ice cream.
Another isssue that came up was meredith, my partner in adalaide, she's kinda perfect and as i thought about her i was filled with a nice warm squishy feeling. (Above the waist)
Then there were people in my life that i wanted to acknowledge.
Finally i was overwhelmed with a need to see pansy. I don't think i ever felt closer to him than last night.
Later afterwards at about 4.30am i spoke to a guy called pedro, a really nice man from bondi, i needed the human connection and was glad to have shared it with him. He was telling me about his girlfreind and how in love they were, he spoke about his work as a councillor and we swapped stories working with homelessness and drug addiction experiences. In the conversation i mentioned an obscure book by wade davis which he had actully read.
Amazing.