well its been raining fourty days and fourty nights, the rain has not stopped, i sit in mission control with pan and we watch heaven empty itself, i sit on the hammock reading my book and the wind blows wildly, the rain never ceases, i move inside for a cup of tea, i read a bit, i type sme words, i cast a spell, i yawn, i fade in and out of sleep, i am restless, if i had a drug i'd take it, i am empty, i am overflowing, i am void, i am incomplete and i really feel sad today, i m uncertain about everything and i have no disipline, no will, i am lost but i know where i am.
err paradoxically, i am happy to be alive, its been 45 years now and most were filled with more drama than i care to recall, i hope the next few years offer some reprive, some sense of conclusion to this random extreme i found my self in. I will retire to my temple and cast my spells. i will play with the fabrics of reality and unbend time, tuurning loss into gain, pain into healing, hate into love, i am drifting towards the sun.

daliesque, burlesque, some french words sprung into my head and then there's some sort of remenant memory from NYC, a girl called wendy slipping into my bed, ah no the scene blurs and its a bar in new jersy where after a tranquil day tubing i end up drunk in a bar with wendy the hot little teenage nympamaniac whith an insatiable thirst for sexual healing, we are so drunk all i can recall are her lips heading towards mine, her accent and those white tennis socks that look innocent but are deceptive, i am sinking into her breasts. cut, we are rolling around in a hotel bed, hot and covered in sweat, i know we both have to be somewhere important in the morning but my sense of responsibility is somewhat deficit.
america, 1984 was amazing, it was still the vast uncharted road trip, i loved it, the freedom, the spontinaty, the girls, the driving along the highways, the strange people we met, the skies, my rand mcually road map, the bars and grills, roadside dinners, the radio stations all playing springsteen, the country and western, the western country, the way we could sleep on picnic tables, the skunk, the desert, the mountains and the mid western plains, it was keruacs dream, and i followed him, and now its a nightmare.

america turned into russia, the cold war never really finished it just was on deep freeze, new enemy, old enemey its still the enemy, memes running blindly, human switched on to auto, the was always something out there, a threat a fear but driving along the hiway for three days, stopping in the desert and streching my legs, smelling the dry air the arid furnace of nevada, the endless horizen , there was a freedom that can't be won.

lsd for breakfast and i'm wandering around mission control looking like a cosmic snowman on holiday, naked except for my scarf and sunglasses, looking at carious piles of papre work and pages from projects, i stop to look at a few books piled up shrine like, a band called love and money from scotland, i stick one cd on and start to merge into the fractal process, time seems to blend into the walls and for a moment reality sees the true nature of me.
its a tim leary moment, now i am driving my high preformance proton, meshed into its chasis, every movement is an extension of my thoughts, this is what the future will be like, its beautiful, part human, part technology, harmoniously entwined in a symbiotic relationship, our flesh enchanced, data is blood, the quanta has shifted, evolution strikes again.
$!000 poorer but i am the future and the future is now sisters.

its been remarkably strange, these last few days, i feel i have crossed a huge abyss in my age and growth and i feel a have outgrown my independence and life as a single individual organism, it's time to mix and match, mesh and merge, no man is an island, but i will be a archipelego, my son has disappeared into the ebb and flow and i am left pondering these final days. I have been a magickian now for so many years but it is time to find my whore of babylon and work with that current. this is a huge step in my magickal development. many women have come, attraction draws them in and knowledge repels them but meredith, she is ....the whore of babylon, my muse.

it's monday and im still driving around in XEY the red heap, awaiting a verdict on my Proton, i tells ya i was driving home last night in the rain and i could feel the rain dripping on my head, such is the sophisticated driving machine i have been lent, oh well i should not complain, at least i can move around.
last night i enjoyed a wonderful evening at evan and pos, really amazing food and such lovely people.
my thoughts have been focused around meredith, pondering my relationship with her and if we can get through the distance and time, at the moment it dosn't present to be a problem but who knows.
picked up a few neil young cds, arc, rust never sleeps and weld, three live doubles. all excellent. check out his website its pretty intresting.
spent a lazy morning drinking coffee with steve and linda, contemplating the universe, particularly the influence of the planets upon human beings. are we really influenced by rocks in space, i don't know, i can't see how we can't be given that nature is hardwired into the moon cycles etc. ever seen coral spawn in a full moon, its awesome. women all bleed by the moon, tides all moon power. so i guess there must be some sort of influence at work.

-"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

just finished reading 'getafix' a fantastic fast paced roller coaster ride through india berlin denmark and israel, ians writing is hyper descriptive,able to manifest all sorts of imagry in between the story, yeah i love the way this guy writes, it's a gonzo journalism technique with unsavoury charachters you can relate to becuase they are doing the same thing as you or i would do under the circumstances, these people inhabit the world, they make the world, they are the world.

here i am driving home in a car that has just been serviced, when all of a sudden it starts making a terrible noise, like its a deisil truck, i drive it straight to my man, dan, who says its undrivable. I hope he can fix it up soon, else i'm kinda stuck. this is the thing about mechanics they operate on a level so far removed from my reality i have no idea what they do when i entrust them with my car. its a strange relationship, basically we are powerless in our ignorance.


i see lloyd cole is coming to town next month, i'm looking forwards to seeing him, at the basement. Lat time i saw him he was making a commotion.

these pics are of the eagle nebula somewhere above or below ya, beautiful hey? i often wonder if they represent parts of my head, synapes, information in fracal form, resourses and potentials, as above so below, i like the idea of having a space in my head where an eagle nebula can exist.
i just finished reading 'marqis' by ian lloyd neubauer and its fantastic, well worth getting hold off, i love his style and story. Strangely one day while wandering through glebe markets i cam across him and we had a short chat and i told him how much i enjoyed his books, i picked up Getafix, which i am reading now.

back from adalaide, short break to catch up with meredith, flew the jetstar, not bad at all, very pleasant flight, service was good and punctual. well adailade was pretty diverse, good mix of people wandering around grooving to womad festiva. ironically i attended the first ever womad festival in bath, corodinated by peter gabriel himself. womadalaide is however slghtly different, lot bigger now, 3 days, more respected and certainly high on the culture scale. anyway meredith and i dropped some e's and wandered around the festival like atmosphere, we visited various coffee shops and spent a day shopping in the main part of the city but for the most of my time i was indoors generally amazed at how my body and mind were adjusting to being away from work. i was beginning to unwind.
one of my fave shows on tv is boston legal a show meredith introduced me to, she had picked up season 2 so we watched a fair amount of episodes, smoked a few joints and drank white russians. it's not something i would normally do but i was on holiday, kicking back.
as far as meredith goes, she's kinda freaking me out being so prefect.

went to see the cd launch of El Momento Siguiente at the basement, took an old friend simone, we positioned ourselves in the perfect spot, heard the sizziling soundcheck and waited for my brother to turn up which he didn't. Caught up with Lattitia and Julia and we all witnessed an amazing show, yes the band were brilliant. An amazing version of Kate Bush's Hounds of Love, absolutly brilliant. I can't even begin to describe how. It was a great little crowd in there tonight, nice venue despite a few sound diffculties, i finally got the blurred crusade on cd plus three new t shirts. Steve mentioned they may be off to Budapest for a while.

went to debrief with the lovely larrissa who has suggested starting an ayahusca cult with me and a few select others, these would be sessions self conducted, both of us would be responsible for a small group of up to 6 people, maybe growing in time. it's the realization of a wish i have had for many months, the universe has granted me a great opurtunity.

Okay lets see where we are, i did the Ayahuscia ceromony again, this time drank three brews, the potency was a lot less intense than last time, i think there were a few novices in the group, Darpan was there to lead us through with his music and songs. No real visions but some intresting revelations,
I listened to the plant guide me through my programming and my ideology, and eventually i came to my feelings about israel. i realised that one one level the jews have only one way to deal with the issue. They need to leave. They need to relinquish everything, homes and land and once more go out into the wilderness. It came to me that the jews have one ideal / belief / that remains consistant with them, its the idea of God. In the old testament one of the strories that always made me question God was the story of Abraham and Issac, i was always thinking, what kind of God puts some one through a test of faith like that. Then i realised that now in contempory isreal the jewish people are being tested about their faith. Sure we can head down the path to armigedion but we can also save the planet by leaving everything and moving else where.Israel is a state of mind, we had it 2000 years ago, we lost it, over and over, but we survived, We need to give the land to the arabs, we need to say, here is the land, you are prepared to destroy life for, we value life more than land, have it, see if possessing it makes you any less at peace with yourself.
It was a startling idea, i know that its highly unlikely, i mean would you give up your home, or would you fight. I still don't know what the answer is, but i was left shaken by the idea.
Another revelation is the current war i am having with the lady below me, who is some what selfish and inconsiderate, she has made things quite difficult for me, and i have not responded well, in fact i have really been quite vicious. So i want to rectify this some how, maybe i'll invite her kids over for breakfast. Ice cream.
Another isssue that came up was meredith, my partner in adalaide, she's kinda perfect and as i thought about her i was filled with a nice warm squishy feeling. (Above the waist)
Then there were people in my life that i wanted to acknowledge.
Finally i was overwhelmed with a need to see pansy. I don't think i ever felt closer to him than last night.
Later afterwards at about 4.30am i spoke to a guy called pedro, a really nice man from bondi, i needed the human connection and was glad to have shared it with him. He was telling me about his girlfreind and how in love they were, he spoke about his work as a councillor and we swapped stories working with homelessness and drug addiction experiences. In the conversation i mentioned an obscure book by wade davis which he had actully read.
Amazing.

Apparently this Blog is banned in China.
I'm not sure why?
I like Chinese girls, and i like some of the Chinese philosophy, especially Daoism.
Why would i be banned in China.

I heard an excerpt from 'Slaughter House Five' Its a great read, i read it many years ago when i was much younger but should re read it now, it's a fantastic book on the nature of war and how trapped we are by them, kilgore trout is one of the charachters as is, Kurt himself, playing himself, theres a fantasic theme that runs through the book that war is not significant in a universal perspective, it's the value we attach to it that makes it significant, not an easy philosophical stand point, kinda fatalistic but entirely based on evidence. We will never learn until its to late. It's to late!

I am strangely in a sort of limbo like state where i can't move in any direction, i am some what frozen in potential which is better than being frozen with no potential, i need to find my box. So i can think outside it.

From The Australian

Raphael Israeli: Muslim apologist, thy name is coward
It's not racist to question whether Islamists can integrate into Western society
February 22, 2007
AS an Israeli, one becomes used to the bias of the world's media and the frustrations of being misrepresented in the face of hysteria. But as a visiting academic to the land of the fair go, I didn't expect to find the same thing here.
At the end of last week, the Australian Jewish News interviewed me about my research into Muslim communities in Europe. Having spent much of my life studying and writing about this subject, I was asked by a reporter about my views and how relevant they were to Australia. He pressed me as to whether the violence that Europe was experiencing with its Muslim population could happen here.
I said it could happen anywhere, including Australia, that Muslim immigration occurred unchecked.

The response in the media has been less than friendly. Sydney radio broadcaster Mike Carlton and The Sydney Morning Herald implied that I was a racist, and I have been denounced by some leaders of the Jewish community.

I came to Australia to speak about Islam and the Middle East and to share the fruits of my books and research. But I've been dragged into an argument on a sensational issue that was not part of my schedule here. The many audiences who were to attend my lectures throughout the land were deprived of hearing them, except that private organisations, Jewish and non-Jewish, picked up the sponsorship of those lectures and I will end up giving more lectures than previously planned.

I am vastly rewarded by the multitude of supporting voices and the outpouring of calls and emails, from Jews and non-Jews, in Australia and abroad, and by the pressing queues of learners who've signed up for my classes. (There have also been a few hostile callers, some of whom identified themselves as Muslims or Muslim converts who typically use abusive language instead of a civilised voice of reason.)

I have been researching Islam in Europe and have come to some disturbing findings about the new third Islamic invasion of Europe: specifically, the Muslim neighbourhoods that breed violence and trouble and the home-grown European Muslims who have sworn to change Europe to their tune, to Islamise it and to use violence, if necessary, to that end.

So much so that erstwhile proponents of immigration such as France, The Netherlands and Britain have had to revise their laws, introduce new restrictions and shelve the marvellous utopia of multiculturalism as simply unfeasible and counterproductive.

There is nothing racist about adopting those policies, much less about describing them in a scholarly fashion. Moreover, it's fair, honest and educative to infer from those data to other parts of the Western world, such as Australia, which face the same issues.

I do not wish to play the victim and I appreciate that Australia is noted for robust debate. But when a scholar who has no axe to grind honestly describes and analyses what policy-makers in Europe have done, and draws a straightforward conclusion about Australia, to be abused and branded as a racist is extraordinary.

Shouts and abuse are not a policy, nor do they encourage public debate. If someone wishes to dismiss data by providing alternative sets of facts and arguments, that is a debate, but by shooting the messenger instead of addressing the issue, no public cause is served. It is a fact that since 2000, Jewish facilities were attacked by Muslims in Europe and Australia, but never the other way around. To state that is racism?

Some, of course, prefer to hide behind hollow slogans of "inter-communal harmony", "inter-faith co-operation" and "multiculturalism" instead of exposing Muslim violence and inflammatory rhetoric and act, together with Muslim moderates, to uproot these phenomena.

Aware of the European parallel, I am neither surprised by the Muslim leaders' attempts to shut off any debate in Australia and intimidate anyone who raises his voice against such actions, nor by the Australian press complicity in that process. Only yesterday I received threats from a Chechen Islamic website. So much for civilised debate.

But I am stunned by the behaviour of some Jewish leaders, who didn't seek to find out what I had said but instead relied on a report in the Australian Jewish News that misrepresented the context (not distorted or falsified) of what I said. Instead of supporting free debate in this country, these Jewish leaders have elected to shamefully disown it in statements that were geared to placate Muslims.

People who lack courage and stamina to stand up for principles, who whisper in my ear that they agree with me but then act in public to protect their positions and the illusions they are trying to cultivate in this society, do not act in a Jewish, Australian or even civilised fashion.

Raphael Israeli, a professor of Islamic, Middle East and Chinese history at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem, has been brought to Australia by the Shalom Institute of the University of NSW.

these last few months have been a series of conflicts, i guess they been hanging around the edges of my life and encroaching in my territory, invading my space. anyways i have discovered that its best to confront them, this should not be done lightly, much thought needs to be given to right action, becuase its no good being angry or confrontational, its always good to meet the issues head on. this morning i was in a meeeting with my boss and the rest of the core team, and we were able to say to her how we felt, it was really good, she was reasonable and the meeting never got out of hand, we all got a good outcome. off orse not all meetings can be like this, some get very confrontational and quite agggressive.
anyways martin my brother, is in the city, he stayed in Manly and woke up with a hang over at his friends house. He loves the flat he will be living in, its ocean veiws and along the esplinade in manly central.

i been planning my trip to adilaide, thinking about what to take meredith bubbles, and what reading material i need to take.

I'm reading an intresting book called, The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt, very intresting how he blends ancient wisdom through the ages and tests the science of them to see if they can make us happy, he offers a simple map of the mind at the biginning, showing the divided selves,
MIND VS BODY
LEFT VS RIGHT
NEW VS OLD
CONTROLLED VS AUTOMATIC

He goes on to look at the way our minds determine our reality, delving into the science of the brain, its chemical responses to flight or fight, the ideaswe are predisposed towards being pessimistic, that genes play a major part in our brains perception and personality, and that there are three proven ways to change our minds,
MEDITATION
COGNATIVE THERAPY
PROZAC

Next he starts to looking at society and how we live in them,
YOU SRATCH MY BACK I'LL SCRATCH YOUR'S
YOU STAB HIS BACK, I'LL STAB YOURS
USE THE FORCE

Anyways i'm enjoying the reading, although as as a practical manual its nowhere near as good at Leary's model of conciousness, or RAWs.

about 10 years ago i was hanging out with sex goddess, shelly who i stupidly dumped for a girl i fell in love with called marnie whom then left me twice for the same man, ahhh well, shelly however was sex personified, she was possibly one of the most amazing girls i went out with becuase she was actually a lesbian who was in love with me. ahh the complications of the avent guarde relationship. anyway shelly was really into pierceing and body modification, she once gave me a book called modern primatives and it sat near our bed for serveral months before i actually looked at it.
my initial reaction was disgust, i looked at the striking pictures of people who seemed to be torturing themselves, the book was a mixture of explicit photographs and pages of in depth interveiws, it was the pictures that i found really confronting.
However over the period i started to focus more on the words and began to understand that these people were not just cosmetic freaks they were quite profound thinkers and philosophers. the guy whom stood out the most was Fakir Musafar...

FAKIR MUSAFAR is known worldwide for his fifty year's research and personal exploration of primitive body decoration and rituals. Fakir has introduced concepts and practices for the "body-first" approach to explore spirituality in art, body modifications, SM and what he calls "body play". Fakir's practices have been shown and his views expressed in the 1985 film DANCES SACRED & PROFANE and in ReSearch publications 1986 book MODERN PRIMITIVES (a word Fakir coined in 1979 to describe himself and a few kindred spirits).

Fakir's interviews and writings have been included in many anthologies and scholarly works like: BODIES UNDER SIEGE, Self-mutilation and Body Modification in Culture and Psychiatry (1996 by Armando Favazza, M.D., a psychiatric text published by John Hopkins University Press); Mark Thompson's LEATHERFOLK; Freedom Press' VOICES FROM THE EDGE; Random House's Villard Books edition of DIFFERENT LOVING; Valerie Steele's 1996 Oxford University Press book FETISH. He has been labeled by various media as "Father of the Modern Primitive Movement". For nine years he published his own photo magazine BODY PLAY & MODERN PRIMITIVES for those in our culture "who hear the sound of a different drummer."
A Shaman, Artist, Master Piercer and Body Modifier, Fakir has played a significant part in the revival of body piercing, body sculpting, branding and other body-related practices for personal expression, spiritual exploration, rites-of-passage, healing and reclaiming. He is a co-developer of the modern body piercing techniques in general use today. He is also Director of FAKIR BODY PIERCING & BRANDING INTENSIVES, the only courses of instruction of their kind in the world, and only such school registered by the State of California as a Career Training institution.
Born in 1930 on what was then an Indian Reservation, Fakir is a depression baby from Aberdeen, South Dakota. He studied electrical engineering and has a B.S.E. degree from Northern State University (South Dakota) plus an M.A. degree in Creative Writing from San Francisco State University. For many years he held executive positions in San Francisco advertising agencies and operated his own ad agency in Silicon Valley. Fakir has had, over the years, a very checkered career path that included such odd occupations as Instructor in Demolitions & Explosives (U.S. Army 1952-54) and teacher of ballroom dancing at Arthur Murray's. All the while, he was privately practicing what his inner spirit revealed to him as a valid but non-sanctioned way (in this culture) to reach spirit through the body. In 1977, he made his first public coming out at the first International Tattoo Convention in Reno Nevada.

Since then he has seen as his "life work" writing, speaking and teaching others what he has experienced and learned doing "body play". In the early 1990's Fakir appeared on many mass media shows like NBC's Faith Daniels Show, CBS's People Are Talking, CNN's Earth Matters and Discovery Channel (Beyond Bizarre). In 1998 Fakir made in-depth documentary segments for London Weekend Television's Southbank Show and Playboy Television's "Sexcetera" (Body Mod Squad). In 1999 he was subject of a documentary film (Fakir Musafar:Profile) made by CANAL + of France for their short film series "La Nuit du Cyclone". In 2000, 2001 and 2003 he has appeared in documentaries for The Learning Channel (Human Canvas Part I and Part II), TBS, FX Channel and Discovery Channel plus a major appearance in the 2001 documentary film "Modern Tribalism". In 2004 Fakir Musafar is a spokesperson for the National Geographic Channel's TABOO series and has expressed radical contemporary views on body rituals on the Travel Channel's "Eye of the Beholder" series hosted by Serena Yang.


Fakir is a popular speaker at universities and colleges, new age and other special interest groups. He has contributed original material and photos to contemporary publications like THEATER JOURNAL (performance art), John Willie's BIZARRE magazine (fetish and SM exploration) SKIN TWO and PFIQ (Piercing Fan International Quarterly). He has lectured and performed at international art festivals like ICA in London (Institute of Contemporary Art, Rapture Series, 1995) and the International Seminar on BODY:RITUAL-MANIPULATION in Copenhagen (1995). In 1997 he lectured and performed body rituals at the FESTIVAL ATLANTICO in Lisbon, Portugal. In February 1999 he was invited to address the annual conference of the AMERICAN COLLEGE OF PSYCHIATRISTS on body modification and shamanism (My Reality, Your Reality, Reality of Those you Treat). His performance group appeared at the 1999 Los Angeles FETISH BALL in "Metamorphosis"-- and at the Annie Sprinkle Benefit Show at the Cowell Theater in San Francisco.

been hanging out with my brother who came from london via india where he has been investigating a branch of our family who have only recently been discovered, our family is vast and expansive, spreading all around the globe, this particular branch seem to be related to some famous Fakir, my great great great grandad was it appears a ....
Fakir n : is the word used to describe either a religious mendicant or a Hindu ascetic or religious mendicant, particularly one who performs feats of endurance or magic. Fakirs are often associated with performing feats of magic such as 'the Indian rope trick' or charming dangerous snakes using musical instruments. See also: fakir magic.
Fakir Magic
Fakir Magic : is the type of magic associated with Indian fakirs. Some of the more well known feats performed by these fakirs include: charming deadly snakes in large baskets with musical instruments, lying near-naked on a bed of sharp nails without incurring any injuries, levitation and the infamous Indian rope trick. According to Dr. Karl P.N. Schuker in his book The Unexplained, a professor called Larry D. Kirkpatrick, a physicist at Montana State University duplicated the lying on a bed of nails trick in an experiment. This was to find out how, and if, it was actually possible to do. Whilst lying on his bed of nails he even permitted a well-built American football player to sit on his chest. The experiment was possibly less about 'debunking' fakir magic, but a lesson in the relationship between weight distribution and pressure, i.e. the greater the number of nails that supported his body, the smaller the amount of pressure exerted by his body's weight on each nail (this number is directly proportional to the weight of the person lying on them), the amount of pressure that the body exerts on any given nail is not great enough to puncture the skin.

Levitation, is another feat associated with Indian Fakirs that is possibly less easy to explain scientifically. It has also tended to sit less comfortably with European religions which have deemed its performance as pagan. However in India any Asian youngster caught levitating, then becomes methodically trained up by experienced practitioners, in order to develop the youngster's powers further.

One particular report that came out of Southern India in 1936 was depicted by a series of stunning photographs in the Illustrated London News (6 June 1936). The photos featuring a fakir called Subbayah Pullavar were taken by an eyewitness called P.Y. Plunkett. The event occurred around 12.30 pm and was watched by around 150 people. According to Dr. Schuker:

"After pouring water in a circle around the tent in which he would be performing the levitation, the fakir stepped inside the tent where he remained hidden from view for a few minutes. The tent was then removed and the onlookers saw to their amazement that he was suspended horizontally in the air, in a trance, resting his hand upon a cloth-covered stick about a metre (3 feet) tall, which he seemed to be using not for support but rather for balance."

Even though onlookers passed their hands underneath and, in and around the space surrounding the fakir, no wire, props etc. were ever found. Apparently many photographs were taken and after around four minutes he was again shielded by his tent as he made his decent. However Plunket, allegedly could discern his shape through the thin tent walls; and is said to have seen him gently swaying for a short time while still in mid-air. He then slowly sank in a horizontal position to the ground which in total took around five minutes to complete. As yet this incident has not been satisfactorily explained. Perhaps the onlookers were experiencing some form of mass hypnosis or hallucination. See also: indian rope trick, fakir, levitation, and snake charming.

my brother will return to pune india to conduct some other research, maybe i'll go with him, i'd like to know a little more about my heratage and perhaps start a cult.

its 11.00 and i'm getting ready for my brother who arrives today from the UK via India, its gonna be great to see him, its been a few years, actually to long. Martin is a corprate head, he's the successful member of the family, owns property and has power over people, but he's a nice guy with it. We have not been very close, i guess icome from a complex family, a family where distance creates a better quality between our relationship, close proximity destroys it. Anyways today i been cleaning up, moving books and papers and organizing my home to accomodate him. I'm a loner, i don't really like sharing my space so the whole event will have an impact upon me but its goona be good having someone to chat to and discuss things with. my family is deep and vast, especially on my fathers side, spaning all continents we are everywhere, hugely mystical, adventurous and experince seekers, a biographers dream. in the next few weeks i'll write some information about my family up in posts, you can discover some incredible stories and facts about them, bear in mind always....the truth is stranger than fiction.

A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. He says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. The doctor says "The treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him, that should pick you up." The man bursts into tears. He says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
-an old joke, as told in The Watchmen by Alan Moore

okay where are we, its valantines day apparently, the sun is zooming in, the islamic jihadist movement is sweeping across the university culture disguised as youth rebellion, millions of people in the western world still believe in an invisible friend who will save our asses, yep its buisness as usual.
i've just read the three books revelation space, chasm city, redemption ark and about to satrt absoultion gap, by the amazing aliester reynolds. if you like your sci fi, fast, well written, inventive, filled with hard science and a universe thats as rich and diverse and intresting as the charachters that fill it, these are choice books to read.

Quite a different book is Sam Harris, letter to a christian nation, which is a discourse on the way religion is effecting rational thought and debate. its a brilliant and brave book and one that should be read at school (my friend evan says at gunpoint)

books books books, my home is turning into a book depository, i have books piled on top of one another, towering sculptures of stories spread across my floor, i am trying to make sense of them, give them some order but its proving immposible, i walk through a maze of them just to get to my bedroom, which is equally filled with books. i do have two huge piles of unread books i need to get through.

terrible news, this morning while walking pan i was fined becuase he did not have a leash on, the fine was $260. That's more than ya get fined for dangerous driving, rape and freaking murder. Well okay slight exaggeration but jeez, what the......?

covered in some sort of slimey sweat, a film of oily stink has developed over my skin, frictionless and somewhat difficult to contain, this strange second skin seems to have a life of its own, i mean take my wanderings around glebe markets today,
not only did every girl i gaze upon smile at me they reached out to touch me, some even swiping their finger along my arm, my forehead and then confidently putting their finger straight into their mouths and sucking it. I mean the interactions were direct and sexual, there was definatly no hidden messages, communication seemed to take place on a somewhat 'Jean-Baptiste Grenouille' type level. I have never really felt so sweaty, tired and dirty as the last two days in which i have not slept at all, showered or generally made my self follow any normal conventions and abulation. in fact i am quite disgusted at myself and bemused by this side effect. as i meandered from stall to stall, in the heat of the saturday sun i discovered i had left a silver trail behind me, my legs seemed to secrete an almost snail like substance, slightly visible. as the afternoon wore on i dicovered two small appendages were growing upon my head, long stalks with bulbous endings. i became ravounous feasting on various foods from different sellers, even eating one out of his stock, but it seemed that greens were the order of the day, leafy salads and the ocasional cabbage. in all i ate 17 whole cabbages and 26 lettice amonst the other vegtables. the hunger was overwhelming, as if all concious thought was no zeroed in on feeding, the market became a blur of abstract colour, the people including the girls following me became elongated bipedal shapes that i could no longer recognise as having anything in common with, they buzzed a lot, waved their strange limbs about and started distracting me from my prime directive. it was not until i came to glebebooks and stood outside the window that i caught my reflection, my skin had lost its darkness, now silver and almost moonlight, the strange antenea stuck out from my head sending and recieving signals out into the atmosphere. i began to localize them, as bits of information flashed upon my brain, forming images in my mind. images of slug life, eating and sexual urges far greater than human ones, i could sense the precense of female slug nearby, perhaps inside gleebebooks. i made my way past the new releases, past crime fiction, past sci fiction, towards the steps, a mother moved nervously aside, grabbing her childthing, made way as i slid up the steps. by the time i was on the high level i found her, head buried in 'Modern Architecture' a massive volume of contempory designs, she had eaten half of the book already, her antenea twisted around as i invaded her personal space, i transmitted my desires and waited for the response, a short burst of highly erotic energy rippled through my two stalks, and i made my way towards her body, covered in slime, she put down the book, 'finish it i said, ' your gonna need the energy.'