cancer.

that c word again, what is it why do we get it, i have theories, ideas i have collected that may or may not be true. it appears many people i know have cancer in one form or another and i am no expert at all. it's always been something of a mystery to me, something that i just blank upon when it came up in conversations, a sort of medical term for some complex type of cell mutation, not something i am interested in. words like remission, benign, malignant and remission seemed to fly way above my head and on a need to know basis i never needed to know. anyways, at the moment several people i am close to and some i am not are all suffering from it or have had close encounters. now my ex wife has it. it's appears terminal in her case and although i have nothing to do with her it's tragic as she is only early 60's and obviously it effects my son who has to deal with it.

my own process would be o avoid all medical treatments, and throw myself into ayahuscia or sound therapy, sounds via vibrational medicine and alternative treatments, and i would probably die. but there is no way I will surrender to the medical model. it's inherently wrong and although society invests in it i don't. so if i get cancer chances are i will die.

however i don't plan to, i plan to live and grow old on my own terms. cancer can get fucked.

anyways my theories are:

it's some sort of parasite and can be treated as such

it's a physical manifestation of emotional trauma

it's caused by the covid vaccinations

it's just a fuckin nasty illness nature throws at us.

who really knows. all i know is i'm kinda sick of how much money is wasted on so many unessessery things when we could just cure it. if we had a will for where there's a will there's a way. it stands to reason if we can get to the moon we can cure this, so why haven't we.

logic says, it's because its a cash cow, an industry which keeps the markets spinning and a cure would be catastrophic for the multinationals and peripherals who profit from it.

a friend of mine told me that research after the holocaust showed that none of the survivors had heart disease, kidney disease, cancers, in fact all their organs were clean. recently i heard a guy who was captive of hamas for two years say when he was released the doctors could not believe how healthy his organs were. he was officially starving but internally his organs were clean. they said it was a mystery. maybe the way to deal with cancer is to fast but it's so extreme. i could only manage 24 hours. i guess if you are forced it's a different story.

stupid cancer. i wish it would just fuck off.

okay early night, early morning, here i am waiting to be picked up for the blue mountains trip, i'm wearing long pants, a new church tee shirt and my big overcoat. we had over night rain but it has stopped now and there is a hint of sunlight. i'm listening to a great podcast from winston marshall interviewing alison pearson from the telegraph, it's very good. i've grown to really like winston's interviews, he's a magnificent host and very knowledgable for such a young man.

well i better get my skates on.

early mornings in the terrible surf as the sun rises and warms my skin, waves are okay but my fin is battered and falling apart, it is time to take out the new one. yesterday i hurt my foot, it's throbbing hard today and difficult to stand upon, i must stop thinking i am a teenager when it comes to jumping over walls.
lots happening, my book is due out in the new year, it's kinda exciting plus i've modified or in process of modifying 'yuri' which hopefully will make it less dense, and then i can begin work on manifesto which will take a full year to complete art work and all.
fortunately i am highly motivated and ironed out all the creases in my productivity, plus incentivised and i think getting work play balance in order. a few recreational events upcoming, trips to the blue mountains, the church gigs, a sk solo show and some social activities and readings, so that's kinda nice.
outside they are digging up my road, trucks, dust everywhere but new pipes and surface makes my little cup de sac quite the lovely place. now time to get me skates on as a friend has made me pancakes. yay!

 

and here it is, out of the blue the new church tune and video, sacred echoes 2. interestingly based upon the photography of dorothy lange, a woman i studied at university when i was learning photography she worked for the food and farm administration and captured the depression down in the south so people in the north could see the photographs of how it was impacting. i guess in some ways this was the beginning of photojournalism. lange did something quite brilliant, she captured the humanity of people, that emotion transmission a photograph can carry, a picture speaks a million words. 

after last weekend i begun to burn out, exhaustion and fatigue had infected my psyche and the weariness was showing, i was finding it difficult to sleep and my motivation was at an all time low. work was giving me a headache and flu like symptoms were showing. the walls were closing in. on to of that i was having long distance issues with family and no resolution. therefore i made the difficult discussion to just take a week off and look after myself.
thankfully the weather was fine, surf was up and i managed to spend my mornings catching waves and hanging out in the sun at the beach, during the afternoon i settled into the routine of writing and finishing up my book, 'the antidote.' 
evenings i would wind down with an early night so i could get up early. 
one day i climbed the skillion, and watched the whales and one day i visited my friend who was in hospital. 
there was no real major change in my lifestyle, just a lot more sleep and routine. my cough disappeared fast and the old bones stopped aching, in fact by about wednesday i was beginning to feel much better and happier about the completion of my book. and today friday i planted some seeds my friend had given me in a big pot at the bottom of the garden, cleared a few piles of junk and pottered around doing laundry and a deep clean in the bathroom.
the road outside is being dug up as they are laying a new pipe so access has been tricky lots of trucks and dust but it has been completed and looks a lot better, at least the potholes are filled in. so that's the week.