alternative paradigm man 

it's true, i'm having a weird life, bad news comes in a catastrophic avalanche and suddenly i'm buried under its rubble, coughing and spitting out dust and fucking tragidy. 

my car is off road for a month while they fly in some part from japan, my friends are dying in unspeakable ways , work is on hold while i sort out my life, everyones ill or sick and i seem to be in the crosshairs of it all, kidneys fucked, liver on the way out, teeth fallen out and never repaired and my heart damaged but beating onwards, i wonder how much time i have left. all i wanna do is read the ever increasing piles of books that tower above me, shadows cast in all directions as the weird light filters from all angles into mission control.  i have appointments galore none of which i can make, i have to walk to the shops which is okay but caring shopping bags back is challenging. all i have going for me is my mind. fuelled by psychedelic mushrooms and weed i turn everything inside out with my alternative paradigm zap gun. 

meanwhile a couple of friends offer me a ride down to terrible beach where i can at least watch the surf, drink a coffee and chat. often we walk around the cliffs, getting a look at the different vantage points, the geology and feel the deep time. it's natural, it's life affirming and real, it's my new paradigm, i dive into it and yet i am pulled out. it's a strange pull and push, waves going backwards, wind blowing everywhere, cold bites the skin, and the skien. life seems trapped in the see saw of extremes and polarities. conversations swing from sex parties to blue ringed octopi and i just go with the flow.

sometimes the sunshine activates me, i feel it upon my exposed skin, the backs of my hands, the exposed neck that sticks out my furry jacket. it's good. solar energy is what powers me in the day time. i drink it in.