why do you love me?
the question is asked at least once a week and the answer always is bigger than the one that precedes it.
i love you because you have an amazing brain, that seems to be similar to my own, it perceives things slightly different than mine but has similar architecture and structure. you always profess and demonstrate a willingness to change it, explore and experiment with it, and that is awesome. i love the way it thinks, the processes it requires and the way you allow it to dominate you. it really is magnificent and if i could i would keep it near my computer in a jar of nutrients and let it stimulate me 24/7 while i write.
i love your mind, the way you use it, ever moving through the realms, always willing to expand, learn and grow, it's everything i respect in a mind despite it's complex approach to me, it's a joy to behold.
i love your body. it's perfect, it suits my requirements and i want access 24/7. not just for sex but for exploration, sensation, input/ output and the sheer information i seem to feel when i touch it. the way your legs wrap around mine, the way your eyes move through time, the way those veins and arteries all map a highway through your flesh, lines on a map i enjoy travelling along and with. and nothing beats your kiss, the lips that crush against mine, it's something that has no measure. infinity and beyond lies within those kisses.
i love being inside your body, it's the safest feeling and most truest sensation i know, as is listening to your heartbeat, the peace in that is sublime.
i love the words that you use, the laugh that emits when we find joy, i love to watch you dance, that sparkle in your eyes that light up the room. i love your hands are mine, i love your thoughts are mine, i love your nose and ears, the face that always makes me melt no matter what. i love the fact we are old friends. i love the fact we are new friends, i love the words unsaid, the thoughts we share and don't, i love our connection, i love all off you.

the witches of melbourne
sat in circle
candle and bell and frankincense burning
the witches all shared something sad and true
as i sat next to you
the witches of melbourne
spoke words a wisdom
and wrote them on scrolls and parchment
they cast a spell to make it anew 
as i sat next to you
the witches of melbourne
laughed and cried
one may suggest they were not seeing with the eye
some cackled a furious truth
and i sat next to you
our energy filled the room
i felt it through the streets and laneways
i felt it through the nights, in clubs and bars and under the stars
our energy burning bright.
it leads us to meet our strange queer truth, it leads us to the divine, it gives us faith and hope again and sacred insight.
it sparks up something deep within, a certain book reveals
the truth is clarity to me, a violet flame ignites.
and this violet flame it burns like a sword, it operates me now
for the magickian is born again anew, 
and penetrates all. illumination and the heart, 
the burning symbol of vision true
as i sit next to you.

the lunar powered zap gun - blasts lunar cosmic rays, moon light-saturated from reflected sun inherent through the powerful ambient super cathode amplifier that shoots the light in the one single electron/ positron, that was postulated by wheeler. 
you can't possibly fathom the single electron universe without some parts of your mind imploding, it's the bizarre proposition that all electrons are just the same single election. that all observations are points in space-time that the observer fixates upon thinking they observe an independent electron.
as each electron has the same mass and charges it stands to reason they could be the same single unit that is observed. the same would apply for the positron which moves backward in time.
my self inflicted moon powered zap gun blasts it's way into my heart and changes its antimatter field, changing everything. altering time, space and all the conditions it operates within, new realities are born, some warp the dimensional axis and splits infinity beyond the limit of possibility from the moment i seem trapped within.
conditions shift, laws are broken and karma absolves itself into fragments of binary code which is easily hacked. (must speak to my karmic broker about this new development)

i open my eyes, the surf conditions are unchanged, a gentle wave breaks at my feet, slightly cold but comfortable as my toes feel the sand wash around them, i gaze at the moonlit horizon and the negative ion bridge i wade into. spectral forces leer down into my soul as it travels in the moonlight bath. i recreate my physical vessel, leaner, healthy, more muscle and bone density, exceptional flexibility and resilience. this time heart will be whole and there will be no missing beat.
the entities are glamour beings, all tempt me towards lust and glittering prizes. the slim female forms all beckon me to their whispers, promises and lips that keep them, eyes that allure with endless pleasure and sensation. i move passed them all. prizes fame, glory, ambition, materialism cast aside, i move towards the full moon tomorrow at 12. 12. 12. 12. 12. for there is only you and in that moment time will cease. 
     


   

i had to think fast, despite the slow time thinking fast was like walking through treacle, a thick sluggish synaptic spark leaping across to a neuron at a fraction of the speed it usually takes, but let's face it conditions were different now. everything was different now.
i pulled out my moon powered zap gun, it had not been drawn in over one year and the charge was depleted but still potent enough to get me out of any trouble. well not quite but it would offer some illumination in the slow creeping darkness that was descending.
yeah yeah, it's my mental landscape, confused, burnt out, wounded and disappointed with the whole fucking year. a year of drama, chaos and loss. a year where my self-esteem and self-respect were shattered in one act of despicable nastiness and cruelty.
'pull yourself together, lighten up, change the story, get over it.'
yeah easy for you to say i thought, the words echoed through my head like a bell ringing out at midnight.
i wade forwards through the murk, my feet seem leaden, my heart beat a rhythmic thump, the engine that keeps me going. i just don't trust my brain and the mind is deceptive in this state. only my zap gun will set me free and its charge is lower than i would have liked. yet it has never failed me.
oh, i never told you that story, how i acquired the zap gun, it will have to be written in the afterlife.
a woman in tee-shirt smiles at me as i drift passed her wake, what's with all these smiling people, am i on some strange tv show no one informed me about. she's nice, soft and feminine and i want to ask her if that smile was for me but i'm afraid of her reaction. it's just me, alone, i'll figure it all out one day but right now i need to take affirmative action.
i find a quiet spot somewhere, the waves look magnificent and i watch the energy dance. majestic. a beautiful sight, a wonderful thing to behold. i sigh, it's strange to hear such a sound escape my lips, depression has a certain beauty, a certain pathos. it also makes me very sick. very calmly i bring the gun to my chest and pull the trigger. 
lunar rays saturate my heart, and everything changes.