the twin flame process is one thing but we have various other layers of dimensional influence working with us, therefore the connection is much deeper, complex and richer than human. it's post and metahuman and early on when we were both in the magick of it we understood our future selves where smart enough to leave us clues to navigate our way through the maze. we were amazing in that period, i was so open-hearted and in a love state and then it all came crashing down with various bad choices, sabotage and a complex situation that became impossible. i knew this but it was like trying to stop the tide, ego and vanity have their own power. my own damage sent me soaring into healing and questioning my own worth as it was inextricably linked to my twin.
never have i been so floored by any single experience. this partly destroyed me and changed everything. 
the months spent damaged and healing have been confronting and emotionally disturbing, an extreme tension between two people who really do love one another broke us but the connection is so very deep, so vast and unfathomable, it hurts our chest, it boils our blood like a furious new passion and raging fire, it links our minds and fuses our hearts violently.
the disappointment was in love not being what we thought it would be, there was no romance, no time with her as she was with someone else getting her romance fix, me i was so seeking her love and i never got it. i just got her anger and in turn she bore mine. we came close to destruction. but something kept us going, some strange fucking thing kept us moving towards one another incrementally. 
she's a complex mix, part male, part female, past lives entwined with mine, her karma now projected upon me, her past influenced my present and our future vision seemed to fade away. her polarity shifts were fucking me up completely, what was there for me to trust, in the end nothing was left. i couldn't trust anything she spoke. one day she would say i was her one, the next she would say something ambiguous. the ground fell from beneath my feet.
i never felt so damaged, i pushed my limits, inverted myself, i went through the emotional states that crushed my spirit and unveiled my own darkness. in turn she did the same, and the last few days we have healed something together by just stopping it all and being. 
spontaneous bursts of healing occur through triggers and responses, energy aligns in time, and we share simultaneously the wonderous yet terrifying connection, neither of us have the power to break, and neither of us chooses to. this is easily confused with some co-dependent issues but the connection is spiritual, it has far to much depth to be merely phycological. the psychology is what we have healed or are healing. the connection remains and can be developed rather than destroyed if she chooses that path.
she says she is catching up to me, i understand this and reject it at the same time, therefore there must be truth within this.
instead, we have made a pact, to travel through this process together, with one another until she is ready.
that's how it has to be now. i have no will in this game, no say, no influence. as it should be. i no longer want even it. i just want my own freedom now. especially after devoting my energy to something i was denied. gravity defied, mission denied. it broke me completely that love could be denied. she created a new timeline that i resisted as the older one was filled with beauty, whereas this was pain, yet i succumb. 
i let it all go, i am back where i started yet different, my body is changing dramatically, energies are transmuting. i am not sure what i am becoming but it feels right. this process is surging within me now, and yet all i want is to be and do with her.
the pain of separation is a deep yearning, a feeling of my soul being cleaved in two. it's physical, it wounds me every day and i have to find a way out. and the only way out is through.
most of the time i just want to throw up. and the other night i did, transform. 
i could feel myself being pulled apart, transmuted, the cells in my body mutating and adapting, my mind altered as the forces that exist within me and the ones without that guide me reorganise at a cellular level, at a sub atomic state everything flows in the direction it must. it's always in the eyes, in the eyes, in the eyes.
i am the magickian once more but a different version of myself, i have a scarlet witch to whom i am deeply connected, it is no longer my magick it is ours, we are one and the same, i know this as i see it lurking in her eyes, it is there waiting to be born. she has said i will be more integrated, combined with the other aspects of my self but the truth is we will both integrate and aspects of ourselves will. the us i wanted, it's coming but different than i thought, the synergy will make us invincible if we are committed to the process and power.