somewhere in the far east, i am covered in sweat and guts raw from dry retching. there's mandi nearby wiping my face with a wet rag, she whispers something in tibetan, soft words from soft lips. how is it possible to be so soft in such a harsh environment i wonder.
my skin feels hot and cold, it's impossible to tell. i can't be certain if i won't die, i always wanted to have an unusual life, i guess that includes an unusual death. 
for a moment i see mandi's face leering down at me, her elegant features and care, she cares i think before my eyes close. that's gotta count for something in this crazy world.
mandi has given me some opium, it eases the pain and helps me sleep but my dreams are vivid and i get confused. my son appears, 'don't die dad,' he says. 
i'm nailed to a cross, the surf is at my feet. the tide rises. i'm tied to a post, the flames lap below me. i'm floating in space, running out of oxygen, i'm nothing in a vast something i cannot perceive. beyond scale, beyond imagination, beyond science, defined in pure mathematical terms. some equations flash by, suddenly the light surrounds me, a white light blinding white. have i lost my vision, i can't see anything.
mandi vanished, everything white. i stare into the brightness, it's everywhere, goes onwards spilling into my future. 
i'm engulfed within whiteness in all dimensions my minds thoughts spilling away as whiteness leaks in, go to the white light, that's what they say, i swim deeper into it , it swims into me until i fall into deep sleep again, the dream fades away. 
i wake gasping for air, my lungs sucking down oxygen in deep breaths, my skin sticky and hot. i'm burning up, burning, but it's so very cold. 
mandi whispers, 'it's okay, it's okay, just keep still, lay still.'
i wonder how many days have passed us, it's impossible to say, all time itself has become immaterial to me as i pass from state to state, moments of vivid dreamlike reality to fractions of painful suffering. 
some water passes my lips, a hand wipes sweat from my forehead. mandi chants some incantation and i drift away the white brightness replaced by nothing at all.
much time has passed, i'm sitting down but my legs to weak to stand without support. i'm eating small pieces of something, crunchy, chewy unrecognisable. insects i think. mandi encourages me to chew. her concern touches me. 
when i try to speak it's just a moan, i can't say the words just a strange guttural noise. my throat actually feels sore and awfully dry. later i drink something that tastes like warm bitter thick milk. 
mandi gathers some wood and puts a large log upon the fire, it crackles and pops in an explosion of noise like a firework display. small sparks fly around and rise upwards into the darkness, while momentarily showing me the interior of a cave.
i ask mandi if she has my pack, she says nothing was found near me, just the clothing i had. she brings me my jacket and i search through the pockets. in a matter of moments i have a small pile of items. a passport, a wallet with three currencies, a drivers licence and a photograph of jake. there's a flashlight, swiss army knife and a map of the himalayan mountains and a detailed ordinance survey map of annapurna 3 which mandi points to excitedly and in broken english says, 'here, we here.'
later i manage to stay upright with mandi's assistance, i put my arm around her and she supports me as we walk along the cave corridor out towards the entrance, taking two sharp right turns. a small tunnel of light around the corner leads to a magnificent opening, a hole about 2 meters exposes us to a breathtaking view. 
snow capped mountain tops as far as we can see disappear over the horizon to the left of us but a massive wall of rock blocks the right as a mountain face looms upwards as far as we can see.
the sunlight offers a glimpse of detail at the rock face, it's a structure of chaos i think. the wind makes it difficult to stand on the ledge but we look at the view from the protection of the walls and i wonder how i would have ended up here.
mandi points to the mountain opposite and i follow her finger to the ropes, and there in the rock are the remnants of an expedition. 
i scan the area cursing i have no binoculars but in the jagged rock opposite i see some spikes and ropes. i ask mandi to take me further out to the ledge. 
we are exposed here, freezing wind howls around us but i can see the ledges below clearly, no sign of life.
back inside the cave i try to remember whom i was with and what we were doing. nothing comes, just a blank area. 
i've given up asking mandi she has no answers other than she found me and saved me.
i make a small shrine from the few items i have salvaged from my pockets and watch as the flames dance upon the wall.