Monday, March 28, 2016

Knowledge wouldn't save us. I could see how useless my years of scientific and mathematical training had been. All those beautiful equations and vectors. We had pointed ourselves towards a realm of pure mathematics, elegant simple and complete, a unifying theory that allowed us unfettered access to space. 
My now  decades of studies at the Arkadium under the tutelage of professors in realms of science, classical physics and the quantum sphere had proved meaningless in the wake of the anomaly. Sprouting out formula into my navigation systems had only gets me so far but this was hardly any kind of anomaly.
I’d travelled past null space, into a quadrant we call elemental seven. Here a curious incident took place where by my formula began to fail. Until this moment our mathematics were perfect, it had navigated us through many various galaxy, soft nebula and folding envelopes of time, traversing the gaps became incidental but here it found space contained no gap, no dark matter just the...thing, whatever it was. 
Vast and endless, its fabric stretched a galaxy itself but it remained impenetrable to us. 
We were on the outside of an undiscovered universe.
The equations did not compute, they crumbled against the unknown. We hurled the elegance of sub prime trigonometry and perfection within sublime algorithm but each one failed, even in game theory our principle Von Numann f translation engram was defeated by the infernal strangeness of the anomaly. M- brane quadrants seemed to bounce back and the rigorous discipline of foamatics were meaningless, it was truly an  excession to us.
So as I floated in front of the paradox, my ship beating its organic frustration into my furious blood I came to the terrible conclusion, our science has limits.
My body seemed to react by closing down and I found myself sleeping. It was deep and aeons may have passed me by but somewhere in the midst of REM sleep I dreamt of a huge yellow sun burning in the heart of the unknown universe, a spiral galaxy like my own but with it’s nine planetary bodies in prime orbits, I watched the curious ballet as part of my consciousness floated inwards towards the strange  black sun at the centre of the galaxy.  
‘Welcome traveller,’ it whispered,  a soft voice partly seductive.
‘Who are you?’
‘I was a Star Man but now I am a Black Star.’
‘But how can a man be a star.' I protested.
‘Astronauts and Heretics you see nothing but light you can’t believe in.  I was a Man once and now I am the great I am.’
‘It’s not that I don’t believe it is just something that defies all we have known, my culture is based upon science and mathematics, logic and reason.’
‘Know more then, reason more for all things have limits. I will allow you into my universe but you must abandon your logic. You must turn and face the strange.’
I woke up, my eyes burning with the invitation. 
I requested a separation to the ship and got back some resistance, ‘Suicide is not part of the mission.’
‘It’s the only way, it’s the only way to find out, to move forwards.’
‘I can’t let you do it Captain, it’s not right. No one had died in thousands of years.’
‘I’m over-riding the ethics module, it has no place here. If we are to penetrate and understand this it must be done in a way we have not considered. It must be done in a non rational way.’
‘But this is suicide Captain, How can I advocate this?’
‘You can’t, I understand your limits as well as my own. We must think outside the cube.’
I punched the codes and unlocked the device that held me in place, the lack of gravity did the rest as I separated from the pod and floated away. Using the suits vector units I manoeuvred myself in four dimensional space.
I watched the flashing lights on the consoles flicker in panic, I watched them disappear as the ship ran out of options, I watched the lights go out one by one until I found myself drifting along the boundary.
A voice said, ‘That was foolish.’

Helplessly I waited, precious oxygen depleting as I followed the red bar on the V - Screen projected on my helmet. 

The elegance of my solution was based around the binary codes for this universe, zero's and ones. If you followed it to it's natural conclusion it was paradoxical and to enter the anomaly one would have to transcend our own singularity. My computer was correct, I would be the first human to die in hundreds of years, my death would be frowned upon by my professors. I would be dishonoured by everyone. Yet in order to penetrate this boundary and understand what this Star Man Star is certain sacrifices had to be made, the more non rational the more powerful so as my last gasps of oxygen filled my lungs I let go of the fear that kept me tethered and reached out into the boundary. 
I felt myself passing through an invisible skin, an unfolding presence as my body shifted and entered through into new laws. The sun was vast, not unlike our smaller suns back home, although we were blessed with three. One sun would make things strange, here the seasons would be shorter, even keeled, more predictable. The planets would struggle for life, there would be less diversity I imagined. The Star Man couldn’t sustain much in the way of life with only one sun but it was hard to understand it's purpose without engagement with it's lifeforms. I looked around me, everything was profoundly beautiful.
The Star Man spoke again, I could never be certain if it was outside my own mind or inside but it was certainly intelligent and welcomed me warmly.

'The 3rd planet from my sun seems to be the sustainer of all life in this system, I've prepared the way for you but it will be difficult. You will feel pain, suffer and the rigours of an emotional life but you will understand as you age, the meaning of of it all.'
'I just want to know who you are, what you are?'
'You call me Black Star, yet I was a man, I think. Sometimes I don't know who or what I am. In the end, the only thing that matters is who are you.'
'What do I call you?'
'I seem to have many names depending on the point of entry you manifest, but I think I'm Jones.'
'But what do you call yourself?'
'That is something you can tell me in time. We are nearly there, look upon the blue planet, it's quite beautiful.'
And indeed it was. Technically I was dead, but everything was the same as before. I had my body, my mind, my emotions. I had memory and a hunger to know more. 
'The blue planet was striking, a radiant pearl in an ocean. I could see land mass and it's water, geographical features of topography. It had everything, oceans, mountains, wilderness, population densities and technology. Intelligence.
'This is where I came from,' the voice said, 'it was my home, it will be yours now.'
'Would I ever be able to return to my own home?'
'I think we all return home in time. But in this universe we have our limits. This is a place where logic and reason and science are not as advanced as your home but intuition, non rationale thought, creativity and magick functions and in order for you to understand us you must walk amongst us. Be open to the experience and embrace a new life.'
'I feel sadness, loss, my stomach hurts and my chest feels so empty. I think I  miss everyone, I have a family, children.'
'Yes, you are beginning to be human. That pain is what we call suffering. Humans suffer, for us life is suffering we must transcend.'
'Will you show me how. Teach me.'
'I have lived to do that. You must find your own way. Now, I must leave you. I have to take away your loss and give you the purity humans are born into. Of course here the wheels of karma operate, you will probably learn about this as you grow into your new body.'
'New body?'
'Goodbye Captain Mission.'
Goodbye Star Man. Thank you.'

Then I saw the explosion of light, and heard the strange sound of my new voice cry out. I came into the world crying. 

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