i had the strangest dream...

...for two days i have been in some sort of training, a course, its been a class of about 30, very relaxed introduction to some sort of spiritual, healing group or theraphy, the teacher is a lovely woman in her early 30's, she is spending a lot of time introducing the main lecturer a man whom has written a number of books, may be part russian, but she is coy about him, focusing on the content of the course not the person. when he arrives he's an eccentric old man with an amazing haircut, white shock of hair with various upright dreads, he does have an accent and is remarkably funny, he laughs and makes us laugh, he's hysterical. At first he is presented on a film as the auther of a book and the prize winning respected and emminent best proffessor, he steps out to accept the award and squirts water on the audience.
somehow he materializes in the classroom ad starts to interact with us all, he is amazing and hands out our workbooks. part of my workbook is incomplete, as are a few other students and we are told to complete them, the first part is a tree of yggrassil.
the proffessor wanders around the glass talking to people, he sometimes jokes and laughs and sometimes asks us serious questions,
its very strange.....

im pottering around at home, my mood low, angel stone picks me up to take me to the city where i buy two charles stross books from galaxy bookshop, the sci fi bookshop. i eturn home, potter around. i'm feeling sad and lonely today, im vunerable and sensitive.

the ultimate magick, to command love,
yet is it love if it is under command?

the best answer gets a prize

im feeling lonely
alone and vunerable
my humanity is bleeding
and i got an open wound
im loveless in the plaza
hated and despised
my elementary particles
refuse to get organized
im chaos baby chaos
filled to the brim
on the edge of the plank
looking at the sharks fin
my world is ended in betrayal
my honour abused dispised
these lovers are really rapists
in a beautiful disguise
i'm worn out and exhuasted
in loves battle ground
im ready to throw in the towel
if there is one to be found
becuase i have no fear of death
just of being alone
these people have scared me senseless
becuase they are brutal to the bone

im listening to the panics cd, its fantastic, go get a copy now. i really love the songs, just the right amount of melancholia. ah its certainly been a year for sadness, whats old shakespear say, its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, well he didn't have a bashed frontal lobe..
okay the music seems to be okay, i sort of feel that some of the tunes are better than others and its not a masterpiece but its a good first effort, and there's lots of room to improve. the artwork is almost complete and we are just tweaking the images slightly, playing with the fonts.
i'm writing for the second cd now, it's a strangely different process, less unconcious, i need to find my inspirational connection in female form, having lost the last one.
a muse a muse my kingdom for my muse

i have a new car, its a lovely blue colour and it has leather seats, its going to cost me a fortune but its a nessessity, being the mother of invention, my intention is to design a hover car. don't you feel cheated, when i was a kid i expected the future to have a few hover cars in it, but where are they, 40 years on and we are still fighting over oil. i want my hover car and i want it now.

i recently recieved three speeding tickets, thats 7 points lost, i'm hoping i don't receive any more for the next three years.

here we are somewhere further down the time line, are we in a different space than before, or perhaps just the scenery moves, who knows, i certainly feel different. i feel sensitive to humanity yet detached from it, an observer, yet we all know the observer cannot observe without effecting the results.
i recorded my cd, its out in march next year, i'm happy with it but i'm already writing the next one, the next one is really exciting, now i have a much better idea about what i am doing.
The first cd 'adventures' was written through me,, i was a vessel. this time i am concious of what is occurring, much more awareness goes into the writing and the music, although i am driven by instinct and intuition and love the idea of spontinaity creeping in to the mix. it's like cooking, one can follow the reciepe but you know what your going to get, something similar to what you had last time, or you can just experiment, substitute cream for water, add sultanas, use organic mayan chocolate instead of hundreds and thousands, you know what i'm saying.