mwp and the mood maidens played their last gig last night at the old hopetown hotel, so i went down to catch them, along with some moon maidens of me own, beautiful simone me oldest friend in australia, the only person who i remained in contact with me from my divorce, origionally the ex's friend, had to do a bit of careful dipolmacy over the years and i have to respect her position, but after many years we are still friends and it was time to take her out and expose her to the strange beauty that has become my life, emilie my maifestation of french extremity, the independant, warrior woman, conquerer of two elements, shamanic essence emerging, all that potential in a overwhelming bundle of passion and lust, emilie where's the love baby, i just want the love?
And last but not least the georgous and divine Trina from the mountains that ya got question why on earth they should call blue with her living there, yeah trina possibly the most amazing artist i know, whom also acts as my creative consultant and embodies enough love to run a small planet with, packed in a neat energy of joy. so yeah we're down in hope town listening to awesome mwp music, and it's all good.
emilie is giving me a list of reasons why i should marry her, she's drawn up the +s and the -s and they are pretty persuasive exept for the distinct lack of love, it's not a bad deal. Me on the other hand, can't travel down that road, it's the Jean Paul Satre syndrome, i'd be permanantly trapped in an existential nightmare, falling in love with some one that would attempt at every oppurtunity to subvert the harmony i have found, she is the wind seeker whereas the wind always comes to me. In a parrallel universe we are married, we fell in love and have a perfect relationship build on those exteme challenges, the ultimate ones that only the very strong can survive or even attempt to contemplate, trust, loyalty, friendhip and love. cliques yeah of course they are, the romance industry fucked it up, like all industry does but in essense, the fairytails are filled with fear, danger and challenge. Its one thing to jump from an aircraft, it's another to taste the speed of life, but baby, you want to be challenged take the ultimate ride. It's high velocity, it's only the really brave that can take this roller coaster, this wild stallion and tame it, the torrid currents of love, no youthful passion stands a chance against it, no simple sex or hormone activity can regenerate this type of commitment, it's love and like the man said, love is sacrifice. Never mind being burnt at the stake for your beliefs, never mind a little crucifiction, never mind a few tears and a busted heart, these are all childrens play compared to a marrage, a pact made with the universal forces, the essensse of the jewish belief is god is seperated from his partner, his partner is female in essensse, splintered in trillions of fragments within creation, every creature that has life is in essensse gods partner and the whole reason for existance is to reunite god with his partner through love. yeah thats what being jewish is. most jewish people don't even know that unless they are kabbalists, most jews don't even believe in god. gods not an old man, he ain't some guy demanding worship and donations, he ain't intrested in prayer and temples, the church he gave us was not build with human hands, there was no design other than an act of love, we are gods wife, we are seperated from him through time and space, we are lost without completion, and loving one another is the key. god wants us to have sex, he wants us to have sex with love, its the essensse of jewish faith, the rest is just ritual and tradition. love and sex baby, dangerous themes to inject into any religious belief or spiritual tradition, let alone our personal lives. Wanna take that ride?
Yeah so although i have no intrest in religious beliefs and change them like the wind, thats the construct of love i work with when i think marriage, its not conventional but it seperates marriage from the motions, of everyday human experience. You are an agent of the universe baby. You got a mission. Don't forget what it is, you're spirit knows it. You know it. It's no extreeme sport, it's extreeme life. Push it to the limit, take it to the end of the road and threshold, love is fucking beautiful and it's your mission should you choose to accept it.

Oh but what about sex?
Yeah i hear ya asking, out there, little pheremones going nuts, outta control, hardwired into human experience is the sex trip. Let me make it clear, sex is fucking brilliant, it should be embraced as a journey, explored as a landscape, sex is the territory we all are programmed into, hetro, home, bi, try get as much as you can until you're ready for the next level, it's the wild stallion we can't tame, it's has its own nature and it's a wild one. Sex often confused with love but it is entwined for sex is the catalyst, it's the instinctive urge to reproduce, driven by pleasure and hedonistic pursuits. A chemical trick, the dna knows how to steer it's prime directive, i mean how many people do you know bring conciousness into sex?
In tantra sex is a spiritual pursuit, one should ideally be able to have sex with whom ever is present, authentic tantra schools designate partners randomly, there is no western concepts of being bound to one person, because tantra is a process, it is a process towards liberation and the idea of being bound to one person is considered entrapment of the mind, we cannot be bound to one person for ever, but we can bring a loving process into our sexual lives that embodies the idea of commitment.
The idea of taming the sex instinct is essential in other practices, daoism, for example encourages sexual yoga but not ejaculation for men, it's is ejaculation control that is the disipline. In your spiritual supermarket, disipline is the key to liberation, walk in and don't buy anything, that's the lesson. Martial arts will tell ya the same thing, you know the secret of martial arts? Don't use it.
Disipline over the sex drive is very important if one is contemplating a relationship with ones universe, becuase it is ultimatley disipline over the self and this is part of your personal eveolution.

Sexual Perversions and Aborrations (excluding the obvious ones) - It's your experience, you're the programmer, take responsibility for it but remember with out love you're not doing it for anything but your own selfish needs, the cosmos deems you insignificant.
Ultimatly sex is information, it's raw data, uncorrupted and fresh, it's energy in a nice little experience that should leave ya smiling, don't engage if your going to feel empty or used, becuase then you are not actually processing the data, you're on some wierd 'self esteeme trip' and the pattern is repeating itself because you don't get it.

When Prof. Leary and i ran 'deepsex' we worked with a group of people who were all middle aged, middle class, new age junkies who couldn't hack the sex aspect of their lives, they had no way to plug into the information we were giving becuase they could not even say the words, 'FUCK, ANAL, ORGASM' in a sexual context. How ya going to update your sexual experience if you can't talk about it?
We gave these people weekly exersises, we offerred them the oppurtunity to take their sex lives into the quantum level and they found changing their diets to hard. How ya going to know love if you can't know sex, and by know i mean drive it, be the piolet, learn to fly.

Okay. What's happening, start of talking about my nights out with my friends and get sucked into a long rave about love and sex.

pet hate, people who don't return or steal my books, okay i am a book freak, i like to keep hold of the stuff i read, i am happy to lend out but generally people do not return them and it makes me angry, yeah okay, i am not so attached to them that i can't function, but its the thought that some one likes me enough to feel comfortable enough to borrow books but dosn't like me enough to fucking return it.
who are these people, you know who you are, from now on i'm going to make a blanket law, no borrowing books at all, fuck ya, proffesser leary being the exception and jake who shares the book neurosis with me, you know the way i see it, lending books is a privilage, if people don't respect the act then they ain't the kind of people yu wanna mix with. While we are on the subject of loosers and abusers, people from byron bay are the worst, freaking hippies.
m.i.a. is wicked a lovely updated novel based on the wizard of oz.
currently reading mammals by pierre m'orot, beautiful houellebecq like story with amazingly intresting tangents along the paradox of humanity and our bleak nature.

by about noon i was exhuasted, running on empty, my lights were dim and i was feeling kinda low, just frittering away a day, unable to read, rest, even sitting in my hammock was difficult, i was so tired restlessness, itching, jonesing, anxiety creeping down the spine, hangong around waiting for something to give, imobile, moving through mission control from room to room, picking up my guitar, putting it down, time slipping past my fingers, unable to digest solids, tremors and cold sweats, then my phone rang and it's Leary. They kicked him off the plane, he was coming home, the crazy madman had another night, yes!!!
i pick him up at the supermarket of our wildest dreams, the place we roam in the twilight hours when the city sleeps, the freaks come out, its late night shopping under fluro lights and the checkout girls are all on slow, the opposite of speed, they can't even crack a smile, but they take our money in exchange of a swipe and an autograph. tonight we go looking for toothpaste then back to newport for a last supper. i invite the georgous emilie, who arrives, takes pan for a walk, while i rendevouz with Leary.
we eat bad thai food but in good company, the food tastes fine. later at mission control i make emilie a cuppa and we have another d and m, and a little fracture appears, a window, i wanna climb in, for a moment i am caught between this overwhelming need to hug her and then i feel like just closing my eyes and sleeping.

Buddah says Life is sufferring, i think some one miss heard him, what he actually made was the statement, 'Life IS sufferring.'
Aparantly its his birthday soon and we all get to throw water at one another, thats kinda neat, much better than eating turkey and spending $ in a consumer frenzy.

bit emotional what with the church fall out, what a fucking band, nuffink like them on the planet, you can keep your u2 and err _______ fill in yer own blanks, yep the chuch are, as i have always said, the only band that matters.
also on top of all that palarva, i had to say goodbye to Proffessor Leary this morning, he's off to be an extreme spa and bar man in thialand, and i will miss him deeply.
i'm just as foolish as any other person but in me years i have learnt a few things and let me just say something about friendship, freindship is something i don't give away, i chose my friends very carefully, in fact to be my friend you have to pass a number of tests and rites of passage, and the Prof. Leary, man he passed them all before we even met. The guys a genius, a true revolutionary, a man of the cosmos, like his namesake. I love that guy and saying good bye was hard.

well its tiger time, which means, for us tigers (the proffessor is one) we have some big stuff happening, not sure what but i can feel it in my bones, it's nice and challenging, amazing and all part of the cosmic plan, mmm, it tastes nice to, well as things develop i'll keep ya posted. my art consultant, in the mountains says my photographs are ready to go, i'll get em soon, great big huge things on accrylic, that hang from the ceiling like sculptures.

I got a nice e mail from the church people saying i was on the guest list, i didn't even know but that's nice of em, lovely chaps and their womin folk are awesome to (thanks tiare, you are a star)

just back from the launch of ultc at the basement, said a quick hello to steve at the bar but ended up distracted by something, curses, anyways it was a fucking fucking fucking sensational. That's all i can say.

get down to the basement need a little medicine
see the boys painting with sounds
meet a few peoples from extended family
traveling to meet what they found
its a mighty long ways in your unifying field
jump the distance in a blink of an eye
you can eat this kinda atmosphere, it's raw food baby
then you better kiss me goodbye

get down to the basement i need a little fix
acoustical rebellion liberation for the free
yeah this is no party or emerald city disco
underneath the spotlights these stars shine so beautifully
get a little taste
oh i need a little more
these are the myths that we made,
and we need to score....

looking at this city and all the people in it
sleep walking through their days
now the sun is sinking and the minds stopped thinking
go back to their habitual ways

get down in that basement man i need hit
a little stimulation goes a long ways
it's groovey and its hip, it's a post physcadelic trip
it's going to blow us away, yeah
had me a sup from that loving cup
now i just leave me to be
but don't get frightened, just get enlightened
with the church and steve kilbey

morning and the kids downstairs awaken me from a deep sleep, where girls are soft and feminine and i am lured into the safety of their breasts and arms, ha reality kicks in like a bad gear change, i'm grumpy and feel old, plus there's a taste in my mouth, risidual pub smell, those girls smoked like chimmneys last night, i get down on the street organise the cars, take pan for his am abulations, then get ready for the day, starts down at ye old hype coffee stop, with leary and some other people, but while i am scanning the daily lies and mis information, i catch the eyes of a georgous young lady who has the most amazing smile, her face is unbelievablely georgous, she's hungarian and scottish, she's living here in australia with her 2.5 kids, we get d and m faster than a couple of lovers in treacle, and then abruptly its time to get to the surf, gotta check those waves else my routine is outta whack, mmm, these waves are fucking perfect, race home get my fin and flippers but the strangest thing occurs, in the few mins its taken me the beach has been closed and i can't go in, huge swell, strong rip.
the proffessor and i discuss the idea of sexual intercourse machines, known as fucking machines, these rae ou and about but they are slightly mechanical and lack any sort of personality, there's a lot of room to manouvere should one want to pursue this, i outline the basics of what a good one should include and the Proffessor has complimentary ideas, he reckons Hong Kong is a good production base. Well we can only see what happens next, but i like the idea.

I answer a few questions for emilie, lots of risidual anger undertones, can't say i blame her, i am a freak after all, the path to hell is paved with good intentions, and most of my intentions are good.

someone asked me how my experiment in unconditional love was going, mmm intresting stuff, i created some freaking amazing things, i still need to process the whole experience a bit. did i say that by calling it unconditional you put a condition upon it, it's just love man, love.

it's been a long day, put in some hardcore hours at autistic central, bones weary, need sleep, but on my way home my phone rang, a very old friend called from the pub at the end of my street and asked me to join her for a drink.
i hate drinking, i hate pubs, i hate going out and i generally would decline but this happened to be my oldest friend in australia and i figured it was about time we caught up, so when i get there her and her friend have drunk 2 bottles of champagne already, one decides to interigate me about various opinions which i give, the first was my reasons for being in australia, and secondly asking what i don't like about australia, almost immediatly i am attacked, i am called an asshole, and told to fuck off, illustrating another reason why i don't like australian culture, the conversation goes something like this,
'so why are you here?'
'cos i have a son here.'
'use fucking asshole, why don't ya go back to england.'
'cos i have a son here.'
'don't use like awestrailia or sumfing.'
'there's parts i like and parts i don't.'
'youse a fucking asshole.'
'why'
'saying you don't like it here'
'i never said that.'
'whats wrong with it'
'it may be easier if i tell ya whats right with it.
incoherent mumbbling
'its an easy lifestyle, the weather, the beach, the indigionous culture'
'fuck use.'
ect

anyways later my friend and i walked down memory lane, she reminded me of a few things i had been involved in when i was doing work with street kids, it's funny at the time i figured the whole thing was an industry, we didn't really do anything except keep it's wheels turning and then in the last few years a few strangers have stopped me on the streets and thanked me for looking after them, yeah i don't even recognise them, but they recognise me.
later the other girl restarted her attack upon me,
'yous an asshole, Fuck off.'
'is there something wrong with your brain?'
'what yous mean, yous just being derogitory.'
'actually i was asking you if there is something wrong with your brain.'
'fuck off.'
'well its just that you are very aggressive to me, you don't listen to what i say, i make a statement and you misrepresent it, so i was wondering if you have some sort of defective brain.'
'fuck off.'
'mmm okay well i was just being friendly.'
the girls were really pissed and i had to drive them home.

watched dark clouds drift across the skies today, like a huge ship, slowly moving up to the harbour, a little bit of rain, a short shower, then cloud burst and then suddenly the bue sky appeared and the sun smiled and every one seemed relieved that their weekend was not ruined, me i sent the gorgeous emilie her answer today, it hurt like hell...

yet there it is, a nice piece of writing, just the right amount of humor and sobrietry, and yeah every word true, its a sad day here at mission control, i don't know what to do next, i mean i guess i should work on a few songs, i mean i have a heart filled with inspiration, may as well do something crazy with it.
Here's a song i wrote today.

Second Chances

girl on a bike you're a star in my eyes
a modern expression of a post impressionist mind
flash passed the cafes and all the street signs
chasing the wind and all the car tail lights
this city is empty but its filled to the brim
with people all seeking something to believe in
and throw me a look, toss me a smile
i seen you speeding slow, down for a while

when we exchange glances, i know it enhances
my faith in love at first sight and second chances

girl on a bike dressed in helmet and jacket
your exhuasts fucked and its making a racket
but i can still hear my heart pound like a drum beating
everytime i see you on that bike speeding
i know i am foolish what can i say
its in my blood, i was born that way
yeah slam on those brakes and come to a stop
let me ride with ya till we both drop

when i make my advances, i'll take my chances
to my faith in love at first sight and second chances

Mmmm as you know i am a big fan of the church, specifically steve kilbey whom i see as one of the true great visionaries of australian culture, in his blog he writes about a drug he calls memory, and it's intresting as i spend a lot of time dwelling upon the usefulness of memory, is it a drug? Are we all just addicted to the chemical process of remembering, editing, i guess it is a subjective reality, and memory is part of what shapes it. Me i have a very non linear memory, not sure if it's the blows to my head i sustained in london or just some strange wireing but my memory is so non linear, it has no chronological flow, in fact i remember things from the future as much as i do the past.
Old Proust wrote about remebering the past, but if i was Proust i'd be writing about the future just as much, the constraints of time impede liberation of the mind, don't be fooled, don't take any notice of birthdays, don't care about what day it is, never wear a watch, never play any importance on anythng that has artificial time, just follow the cycles of nature and take a step to freedom.
The Daoists never give their age away, you know why? becuase they have no idea how old they are.
Memory is the brains self editing process, usually most of it is junk, nostalgic trips down fake realities we arrange to suit our sense of order, memory is hacked and cracked all the time, william burroughs experimented with the cut up technique in writing, a technique that propelled writting into the future. I don't use his technique often but i occassionally delve into it, the idea of randomly chopping up bits of information and them randomly putting them back together is a very effective way of getting order from chaos. The results have a predictive quality, thus a memory from the future.

a flexable mind embraces change, yeah easy to read difficult to do, every disaster is a potential blessing, thats how i see things now, make it a positive else its going to destroy you, the world is not at war with ya, it just feels like that if you remain fixed, a blade of grass bends in the wind, a tree snaps. well the world is not at war with me, it brings me beautiful french girls, lesbians want my babies, i love my job, i love my play, i love my dog and my son, i have nothing but love and grattitude. travelling opens the mind, i saw things that confronted me, i saw things that i found difficult to deal with, cripples, starving, poverty like you never believed, i saw the sick, the lame the deseased, i saw creulty. The creulest thing i ever saw, a chained monkey, large and on a long leash being dragged into the ocean by some islamic africans in zanzibarr, the monkey was screeching, resisting and freaking out, monkeys like the jungles, they like the land, being forced into elements like the ocean is unnatural, there is no collective unconcious to fall back on, it's abohrent to the monkey. The gang were all teens, laughing and enjoying the monkeys sufferring, i was in a resurant watching this, i ran down screaming at the kids and they jeered at me, one threw a rock, the two girls i sat with pulled me away, tears were pouring down my face, and i saw the light in the monkeys eyes, he looked at me with pity, more intelligence in those eyes than the idiots species who enslaved him.
i don't care what humans do to oher humans, it's sad and disgraceful but i expect a little brutality from humans, evolution my ass, humanity has never taken responsibility for its own evolution, it's no more evolved than the dinosuars were.
But i do care about how we treat animals, thats why i don't eat anything i have not killed myself.

Finally caught up with professor Leary this morning, it was really good to touch base with such a wise old soul and fellow quantum navigator, despite the bad news that he is going overseas on some jaunt to Thailand, mmm, his absence will take its toll on me but i am happy for him, he's off seeking work overseas and who can blame him.
i had a quick debrief, he reckons it's an excerise in unconditional love, me i have had enough exercises in unconditional love with Marnee, i don't need any more.
We wandered down to the beach, it looked cold but clean and inviting, but i did not have time to get wet today. Maybe tomorrow. Today i needed to process some information.
processing information on quantum levels is a vastly important aspect of quantum magick i cannot stress how important this is. To do this you need a space, a sacred space or a space that is energetically cleared. How do you do this, well, there's a multitude of ways, the best and most effective is a visualization of white energy surrounding you like an egg, emanating from you out. One can attempt Banishing Rituals, the lesser Banishing Ritual is fine if you like these things with added drama, personally i just want something practical and effective so i use a white light, i create a pentagram shape (each point representative of a quantum dimention) and then chant some mumbo jumbo, usually state my intention, 'I clear this space Now!' will do, but you can tailor it to suit yourself. Basically its the same principle as the water experiment i mentioned earlier, the level of drama should be inversely proportional to the confidence or power of the magickian. It's possibly best to do this while about to sleep, but if you know what you're doing you can do it before consulting an oracle or asking your body. The body has all the answers, it reveals it's response in dreams or in location, else oracle use will be sufficient, however be objective when reading your response. Anyways me, i like to process information slowly, i make the alternatives of my situation a reality, ie give birth to all the options i want to, thus i end up with an array of defined timelines and realities, the one with the best outcomes (long term) i bring into my aura, the egg shape, then contract it into me. The process can take ages, a few hours, but with practice can take a few minites. At some point in time it becomes instantaneous.
Well what ever occurs next in this reality, it makes no difference becuase in another the result you wanted manifested, therefore the process needs to be done twice, once to invoke the event, one to invoke the reality. Partical Wave baby, its the nature of duality, its a paradox.

Jake and i watched david attenburogh dvd just like we used to, i made him some dinner and we had a glass of wine, he started to tell me about the ex's current boyfriend, some sort of personality clash. 'It's okay jake, he don't like me i don't like him and that's the way it's always been with mums boyfreinds, they are all the same, beer filled, sports crazed, loud, aggressive, never read a book in their lives, monkeys. When ever i see that guy i always say, sit down, have a bannana.'

I recall two events, one from the early years of my divorce, i was living in a small flat in glebe, and it was the first time Jake was allowed to spend the night with me at my place, don't ya love those archaic custordy laws, welfare of the child my ass, it's just another womins movement based around this stuidly fake myth that all men are incapable of bringing children up. Anyways, the thing is jake had fallen asleep after playing with my girlfriends make up, he was wearing eye liner and lipstick, i had fallen asleep next to him and awoke to this loud banging, which was the ex-wife come to snatch my boy away.
When i passed Jake to her she freaked out after seeing his face, 'You fucking asshole, he's a fucking boy, why can't you take him to sports, he's a fucking boy you shit, you're going to give him a fucking complex and you can't see him again etc.'
I was half asleep and shocked to respond, but later i thought 'complex me, if anything is giving anything a complex its an outburst like that.'

Years later i rang up to speak to Jake and one of her boyfriends started to threaten me over the phone, 'you fucking bastard, don't ring here again or i'll smash your face in. etc'
By now i was used to this so it didn't phaze me, but year in year out i always thought one day jake will figure it out, and i'll be ready.

Well i am looking forwards to sleep tonight, it's been an emotional few days and i am exhuasted.

7am and we are at the beach, its all action, non stop hardcore girl kite surfing, there is enough wind to get a short session in, the grey clouds offer a range of diverse conditions, Emile says it's the ones that are shaped weirdly that are the dangerous ones, they are low in the sky and produce vicious winds. From where i stand the ocean looks messy, the type of surf that i would never go into, it's a choppy violent opaque mish mash of torrent waiting to steal your soul. But emile is already unfurled and inflated her kite, it's massive thing with lots of string and leads and she looks like an angel as she heads towards the waters edge, her wings spread behind her in all their Blakian glory.
Pansy and i play at the shore, the girls are out there and suddenly i see the extreme in the sports, it's not only one challenge but it is two, the ocean and the wind.

So here i am with the most beautiful girl in the world, she's the girl i created, a french anjelina jolie, she's independent, smart and gorgeous and like all the creations i manifest comes from a desire that is deep and strong, instictive and intuitive, propelled by a power i developed called quantum magick. And Emilie wants to marry me. Yes you read that right. It's all i ever wanted in my romantic life, to marry a french girl, yet here's the catch, the irony, the yin to the yang, the bittersweet truth, the paradox, the love and non locality.
Emile has only three months left on her visa, the govt. in their glorious bureaucratic wisdom have given her a use by date, and options are running short, the sands of time slip through the hourglass, marriage is the last resort and i am there, for once in my life standing in the right place at the right time, and yet like every great french love story, its going to be a tragic ending.

Here's the options,

1. Marry emilie as a business arrangement, after she gets the papers we separate, she's happy and i am miserable but i can speak french and kite surf.

2. Marry emile and hope that in a few months she actually starts to feel some emotional attachments towards me and falls in love with me, thus the sham becomes legitimate.

3. I drag myself through the anguish of heartbreak and silently die day by day as emile becomes happier and happier the closer her permit reaches her.

Bottom line, i really can't marry unless it's for love, yeah the benefits with emile are huge but i rather not pretend to be all noble as i fall apart. A girl like emile is easy to fall in love with.

"Be careful what you wish for" is the lesson here, although i learnt it a long time ago, when it come's in a package like emile i don't mind learning it again.

I spoke with this to Proffessor Leary, i rang him in an emotional meltdown, (yes i am human) and he said, 'it's what makes you intresting.'

Bless him.

Okay, i am sleepwalking through my day, muscles ache, my teeth feel like they need a holiday, gravity is unfair, the weather starts in miserable London grey and ends on a lovely bright aftenoon in paradise then my phone rings, its Jake. (Jake if you're reading this, this is the conversation i have waited 15 years for.) He asked if he could move in with me.

it's midnight, the southerly winds just kicked in, the trees rustle, clouds travel across the dark skies like time lapse, i sit in my hammock watching the world pass me by or is it me passing the world.
i got home and couldn't sleep, the phone rang a few times, things needed doing, my dumb sense of responsibility didn't allow me time to kick back, it's go go go at mission control. Yes today i had my first wind kite lesson, and yeah it's as hard as it looks, my poor brain, scrambled from exhuastion and lack of sleep trying to take in all this information about wind speeds, knots, kite dimensions and all the other intricate instructions, while in the presence of the beautiful french instructor. Rest assured it was straight in one ear and out the other, one may as well have been talking in Chinese, but i remained focused in a superficial way and when it was time to fly the kite i seemed to pick it up reasonably fast, more feel that technique.
Later we made dinner at mission control.

Its a grey overcast sunday, the kinda day where ya just lay on the sofa and watch old movies with a steaming mug of coco and a cute girl to cuddle up with, however at Mission Control we don't have a cute girl, any coco or a movie to watch, but that's the kinda day it is.
Well after my last confession, i did meet emilie again, we had sushi in manly where she declared her undying love and admiration for me, well okay that bit actually only occurred in my head but we did spend a lovely evening together as she revealled her history and some personal stuff, i listened with restraint, a proffessional detachment, intimate issues were discussed, my mask was up, but let me say that wearing masks in the precence of a beautiful french girl, the facsade cannot last long, a smile must have flashed through, a dreamy vacant look passed across my eyes, you know what it is like, swimming in an ocean of potential, drowning in possibility, this is the Magick that i obsess about, this is the way it works.
We later went for a drink, resumed a conversation about her travels, she's travelled everywhere. She's got the scars. I don't really like manly, its filled with obnoxious drunks and loud english backpackers looking to score with the natives, still fresh in culture shock, overwhelmed by the beach, the sand, the weather and the beer.
Anyways, emile asked if i wanted to spend some time with her on monday, i said i would try to get some time off work, maybe i could swap a shift but it was unlikely.
The next morning i sent a text, 'Only a total madman would choose to go to work over spending the day with a beautiful french girl.'
Kinda romantic as it gets for me.

I met up with Agent Stone, Saturday morning in the city, we had both worked the night, both struggling with the gravity that lack of sleep inflicts on the body and mind. It was however, very good to see her, we drove to surrey hills where my freind Jaqc and Georgina were holding an exhibition of their photography. Nice stuff. Then lunch in a very cute but far to red cafe. The bright walls and floors and cieling reminded me of Martins room in West Berlin, an angry person dosn't need red walls. Jaqu mentioned she would be going to europe to visit berlin and i told her a few spots to check out.
i spent a small fortune on books and then agent stone dragged me on a cd shopping extravaganza through the city, then it was time to go back to work, so you can imagine the toll tiredness was taking on my body. However work was an easy night, i caught a reasonably good movie called, 'In a Savage Land' that had some intresting themes, then sleep hit me like a curtain of velvet wrapping around my body.

When i was 13 i had this crazy idea in my head that i would marry a french girl, obviously that didn't happen, despite my efforts. i did actually loose my virginity to a french girl called genie, she was beautiful, hardly spoke any english but definitely spoke the language of love, this of course re affirmed my faith that one day i was going to find a french girl to marry. However things being what they is, i married an Australian which let me say i have no regrets about because in some ways it turned out to be the best thing ever, i have a beautiful son after all. Yet there was always this thing, it was under the surface of every relationship i had, until i just resigned myself to the fact that it was a pipe dream, a fairy tale type thingy, wishful thinking, some stupid fantasy residual from adolescence.
The last two nights i have been seeing a a really nice girl called emile (like amilie in the movie) she's not exactly the person i was expecting to turn up, i mean i was looking for your archetype but there's something very attractive about her, and it's not just a physical thing either, she's got something that i really had forgottern about in girls, she's got heart.

i took the name captain mission when i fronted a band in the late 70's, we stole the name of the band to, 'this deep fix' from micheal moorcock who played with hawkwind and went on to write brilliant books based upon the hindu cosmology, the multiverse, well worth having a look at if you like a good yarn.

well the church played on the opening ceremony of the big sporty event in melbourne, i saw a lot of furry animal costumes, a duck and some people dressed as stars, caught a flash of MWP's guitar, but it sounded fantastic, really nice and steve's voice all soft and enchanting, hope their record sales burst through the roof.

Origins, i have had a few, here's one i found floating around cyberspace.

About the attempted utopian society Captain Mission's Pirate Utopia, history, population, economic and social structure.
Captain Mission's Unique Pirate Utopia

This is a true story of a fugitive who wanted to establish a better society to live in--and who tried to create such a society in the early 1700s.

Capt. Mission was born in Provence, France. At the age of 16--tall, strong, handsome--he went to sea. He matured into a contradiction--a combined "man of action and dreamer." A brilliant strategist, he was also a thinker. His social philosophy, although crude and strange, was democratic and "the deepest passion in his life was love of women." But even as he loved his neighbor, he was forced, as part of his profession, to kill his neighbor. Once, after boarding an enemy vessel, and disposing of a half-dozen ferocious Moors, he was remorseful, and when his ship, the Victoire, docked in Italy, he sought solace by hurrying straightaway to a Catholic Church and the confessional.

By chance, the Italian priest who heard Mission's confession was also a young, restless, somewhat radical dreamer. His name was Pere Caraccioli, and Mission's confession of his seafaring adventures and sins so stimulated and intrigued the good father, that he promptly discarded his cassock and went to sea with his visitor.

Together, the 2 young men spent weeks discussing the troubles of the world and brewing their own utopian remedies. Then, suddenly, the Victoire became locked in battle with a Dutch ship. An enemy cannonball killed the Victoire's captain, and the 2nd-in-command hurried to run up the flag of surrender. Francois Mission would not have it. He decked his superior, took over command, and above the roar of conflict he exhorted his fellows to rally and, in the end, to win.

After the battle, there was indecision. Mission and Caraccioli conferred. Then the expriest confronted the men, and he said, "You, Francois, and you, my friends, have often spoken idly of wanting to be not subjects to a king but free citizens in a better world, in which liberty and equality of rights prevail. You have wished for an ideal Republic. Then here it is, the Republic of the Victoire!"

Thus began one of the most unique episodes in history. The ship, Victoire, was renamed The Republic of the Sea, and placed under the leadership of Captain Mission. The members of the crew, 200 able-bodied Frenchmen, plus 35 sick and wounded, became socialized pirates.

Never before had Cartagena, or the Spanish Main, or the West Indies, known buccaneers such as these. Instead of the white skull and crossbones on the traditional black field--the Jolly Roger--they hoisted a pure white flag embroidered with the motto "For God and Liberty." On shipboard they divided all money and all belongings, and dwelt in physical equality. Profanity and intoxication were forbidden, and anyone found guilty of either outrage was "tied to the grating and severely whipped."

On every possible occasion, Captain Mission exercised his belief in equality and liberty. Capturing a Dutch boat, he freed all the black slaves and made them citizens of his amphibious democracy. His raids on shipping were as bloodless as possible, performed with great sensitivity and good manners, and were continued only to obtain food, arms, supplies, and voluntary citizens. From the 1st Dutch ship, Captain Mission, using verbal persuasion only, won 11 volunteers for his floating utopia. From the 2nd prize, an England merchantman, Mission lured 30 British converts.

On contemplation. The issue i have with the idea known as Unconditional Love is by definition it has a condition, that it is Unconditional. In practical terms my idea of love is as defined by my colleague the good Dr. Leary is the absorbing of information without attachment to it. So yeah nice bunch of words but what happens when you don't get the girl?
Okay, so what happens is the information is usually delivered by some side effect of the lymphatic system, commonly known as emotions. Hurt, disappointment, rejection, and various other weird shit translate as just energies with specific colours and vibrations, i generally taste them, get a feel for how they work and how they effect me, what they mean on various levels and what i can learn from the experience, there's no real attachment to them, just subtle processes that i am aware of, various significance can be placed upon them, but this is random and arbitrary, after all, it's just an emotion. An opportunity to exchange, update and experience information.
This does not mean i am a robot, navigating my way through life, on the contrary, if you read my other entries you can see i get angry and passionate about things just like you, but the signifcance of these experiences are quantic. It's not just all energy, its information.

Listening to an awesome new cd, i urge you to go buy, if you like sexy dark creeping throbbing funky sexy sonic treatments, with great vocals and lyrics. The band is called Dimmer and the cd is 'It all looks the same at night.'

wandered through what was once kings cross, now a kind of cleaned up version, nice wide pavements, coffee shops, fountains, i found myself wandering into the markets and what do i see, no junk, no objects of art, no eccentric old ladies with their pendulums swinging wildly, instead everything is gone chardonnay but if ya look carefully, you can still catch a glimpse of the junkies, the hookers and their bikie boy friends and in the shadows the vampires lurk.

when i lived in west berlin i was always asked by girls if i had heroin to sell. i guess wandering around in a cape and a wide brimmed hat, makes one look slightly narcotic, generally i didn't have heroin on me and girls would slide away almost as fast as they attached themselves, but one girl in particular stayed Gabrielle the stunning air hostess from the now defunct dan air, the my Austrian beauty, wrapped in leather and scarves, winding her was through the the crowded dance floors like a tropical fish in a tank, moving her hips like a dancer, spinning around blazing light like a cool sun. She's dead now but i like to think about her on my birthday.

Mr. Leary went to HOME nightclub to see the djs he has been talking about as much as i have to him about the church, they are called infected mushroom, a phychadelic dance band from Israel. he texted me a few times from the rave and on said,
'i just saw a man get arrested for smoking next to a smoking machine.'
the irony of life is alive and well

I crashed out this fine morning, all exhausted from the last few nights, my tired bones couldn't even make it into the hammock so i slept in my bed.
( actually its bed in a spare room, my bedroom has been taken over by the excess books that no longer fit in my library)
i had the strangest dream.
I was with Jake traveling and we had found ourselves in a jurassic park environment, except no dinosaurs, just real wild animals, it was kinda like a safari with except the tourists all play a huge game where they disperse and then have to make their way towards a huge look out tower, jake had a bike and often went riding and in my dream he separated from me, i made my way to the tower hoping that i would get a look from the high vantage. the keeper was a reasonably young helpful friendly guy and his assistant was a odd bumbling joker of a fellow, while i searched the other tourists all made it back and went on to the next part of the game until it was just me and i guess jake left. Then i saw his bike laying in its side near a dense patch of swamp. the keeper warned me, 'crocodiles.' i ran down there and found the bike and jake but in my enthusiasm, waded into some of the swamp area, in my dream i could feel a weight upon my feet and gradually the razor sharp pain on my feet, the realization dawned upon me, i dared not look, but the keeper and assistant laughed as my feet were wrapped in tiny crocodiles nibbling away. 'Help me.' I asked before passing out.
Then i woke up, all weird and disoriented and told you.

What's the deal with unconditional love, i don't see it anywhere, i don't feel it, not in a wishy washy new age kinda way, touchy feely stuff don't wash with me, the worst kinda freaks are the ones who seem hell bent on preaching and converting and being all hippie about the whole thing, love comes with conditions, it's conditions that make the planet spin and the electron orbit, its conditions that make the flower bloom and the stars twinkle, it ain't unconditional.
If you tell me you practice unconditional love, i say, go to down town Mogadishu and tell them all about it man, me i don't wanna know.

I wake up each morning with the sunrise, it streams into my mind interfering with my dream landscape, and for a moment the two are superimposed, then like a struggling duality only one can be observed, usually the one with the telephone ringing.
I always start my day by taking the dog for a walk, having a coffee with Leary and reading the newspapers, then just before the crowds set upon us we wander down to the ocean to check out the surf.
This morning i was a bit anxious as i was meeting with Jake whom i have not seen in a while, and there was a few fatherly insecurities jumping around the last few days that i had kind of dealt with by not dealing with them. So anyways it was a bit anxious, there's a lot of history and mythology that has been created about drop out dad and i have always been keen to live up to it.
However today was a real revelation. Jake and i wandered into Babylon and had a cup of tea in the bookshop. He had just seen Donnie Darko and we were talking about the idea of giant rabbits, drugs, mental illness, under the milky way, time loops, quantum theory etc. it was a very interesting conversation and revealing in that jake was listening to me.
Later he confessed he was at a stage in life where he was bored, there were lots of options and they were all presenting themselves, he did not know what to do. Cautious of my position i said he should think about doing what he loves doing and not stress out to much, but i was kinda chuffed that he was able to be honest with me and value my wisdom.
I have a deal with Jake where I have always bought him whatever book he wanted, its an arrangement we have had since he was 3 and he has never abused the deal, so today i bought him two books to alleviate the boredom.
After we did a bit of shopping, i showed him some of the music i had been doing, it's pretty elementary, kinda ambient stuff but we knocked out a couple of rhythm tracks and he was quite interested in the process, he has a good ear, anyways we parted on good terms and at the moment that's all i can ask for really.

Then it was off into the city for the Premiere of the Directors cut of 'What the Beep' which i have to say was disappointing, the same old stuff repeated over and over by various academics who assume their audience are all dumb. There were a few inconsistencies, they spent the first hour slagging of the dogma of religion, then presented science as fact. Science is a fable. Other issues i have with it is in their animation where they tried to explain dimensions, they stopped at three. Excuse me! For a bunch of scientists in a Ramtha cult i think they could have gone much further. They never talked about drugs at all unless it was in addiction context, yet when talking about change of consciousness surely drugs are entry point. Don't get me wrong, i like the ideas in the movie and think they did a good job with the first cut, the second is just an info ad for ramtha. Everytime i saw her speak i felt like she was about to say,'Humans of earth do not panic. My alien fleet hovers above waiting for your surrender.' They should just edit her out.
What i find amazing is that all these academics and cult members all tell us to create their own reality, which is possible, but they do it from the safety of their studies and faculties, i would say, 'Go take your reality into Somalia.'
Then tell me about it. Yeah, i was a bit disappointed. But on the way home I created a reality that involved a giant rabbit playing a tiny electic guitar at the junction on King Street. And later i sat next to a skateboarding quantum mathmatiician who had also seen the movie, he wanted to debreif and we agreed on its weaknesses. He was talking about how he is building a quantum computer. I asked him if he could access information from the quantum vaccunm and he said 'Only if the information wants to reveal itself to you.'
Later he confessed how he had become a scientist to disprove the existance of god and now he was faced with the idea that science itself is a god substitute. He said it was like reading only the left pages of a book.
Both Leary and I said to him point blank, he should have been in the movie.
So in the tradition of creating your own reality, yeah it was an intresting night.

Surfs big today but i have to put in some hours at the office of autistic people and weird behaviors. You know what? After 25 years of working in disabilities and social work, i think every one is disabled in some way or the other. It's just some are better at covering it up than others. At most of these establishments the staff are fucked up, having affairs, breakdowns, gambling their lives away, enslaved by drugs, drink and despair, they all have relationship issues, most are power and control freaks, so you know, at the end of the day the clients i work for seem kinda normal.

I have a friend, a girl i met once while flirting indiscriminately who keeps sending me filthy and provocative text messages.
I am quite surprised and a little shocked. I am also tempted to respond.

i often talk about the Will. In ye olde magickal terms Will is considered as the prime directive of the magickian, the reason of the Magickians existance, every one has one, and in Crowleys much misunderstood system, 'do what thou wilt' is taken out of context becuase his detractors always forget to mention the next bit, the idea that it will not intersect with other peoples Will.
So what is the Will and how do we find it?
The process of becoming a magickian involves various rituals the most famous being, 'Conversation with holy guardian angel.'
Some mystics use Kundalini as a substitute, it's all going to depend on the system that you use, te memes that you are running and the beliefs you have. In Quantum terms, lets look at what Francis Crick, the brilliant scientist who after dicovering the code of life, dna, researched the codes of conciousness and suggests that neurons are where it is at.

'It's the basis but its not just a single neuron, its the interaction between the billions of neurons we have in our heads. possibly in animals heads as well, which is producing the process, becuase conciousness is a process, not a thing and the neurons are the actors.'

So imagine if the actors that make up your neurons all read from the same script, that is Magickal Will.

These are not commandments but I guess they are my conditions that make up a resonable society in these strange days. They are not in any order.

If you have very young children do not expose them to marketing, advertising or corporate brain washing. This is possibly the most dangerous threat to children in our society. Encourage them to play, explore and take their time understanding their own commercial interest free environment. Advertisers have hytnotized our childrens brains well before the education system can. It's war. Be natural.

Don't believe anything unless you experience it and then remember whatever you experience has been filtered through your own memes and thought processes. So really just don't believe anything.

Do not eat meat, it will kill you and your planet.

Know thyself.

Follow your Will but don't interfere with anyone else's Will.

Explore your planet. Do not exploit it.

Let your heart talk to your brain, understand the ego and the maya of this existance.

Make art

Make love not war (ask me for details)

Live in the Moment

Die Gracefully

Don't Panic.
Remain Calm.
There is no Blog today due to sleep deprevation and drug ingestion. Reality has slipped sidways by about 78% and the strange pixies who dance upon my keyboard are now controlling this Blog. There are many things I would like to say but unfortunatly cannot. Instead heres a poem from the pixie people.

lost amongst the monkey dominnion
we watch them eat the land and cull the vast sea
the counter culture culture counter tribal civilization
the empire of monkey secrecy
tell us you're plans oh hairy ones
tell us why destruction?
ha! we would laugh at your folly
if we shared your dimension
here in your monkey kingdom
constructs abound to fail
built upon such weak foundations
you are hanging from your tails
savage humanity the ignoble beast
plod towards your bethlehem
we fade into our realms safety
for fear of your infection

these pixie beings don't like us.
dont panic
remain calm
I'll be back tomorrow.

More amazing blood red sunsets as i walked along the beach with pansy, surf looks ominous dark and mysterious, the colors of a tragedy about to happen, i bumped into some people we spoke about some things, music, the universe, travels and animal communication, its all mental pictures apparently, although i communicate with Pansy through a strange long lost symbolic canine code, almost similar to Egyptian hieroglyphics, something i picked up from the gods of the underworld, annubus, when he plucked my heart from my chest, still beating and placed it upon the scales to weigh against the feather of Maat...but that's another story....

So more Why magick?
The structure of the Universe is filled with possibility, it exists in everything and manifests as probability in a material universe. For example when you flip a coin it is highly probable it will be a head or a tail when it lands but it is any of those things unless it is observed. The realm of quantum physics says no. And if not what is it? It's potential baby. It's potential to be a head or tail.
The Magickian acknowledges that he or she can influence the outcome and swing the laws of probability. It would be silly to say they can turn the coin into a fish but they can influence the outcome of the flip. This is strange example as magickians do not use their will to influence things like this, they usually create windows of opportunity to assist them with their creative processes, and the effort invested in ritual and focus needs to have a pay off relative to the result.
The Will is the arrow of the Magickian, and this can take many years to understand, the true purpose of someone's existence is something most people never consider but lets look at an example.
My Will is to make a music cd.It is what I was put on the planet to do, it is in my blood and bones, it is all i think about and it is where my talents lay.
Now i can't expect this to just happen, the probability is low, so i have to learn an instrument, maybe some musical theory, have a basic insight into the realm of music industry, get some people to assist. Write some songs, do the work. Okay having written a song I may decide I want to release it as a single, it has all the qualities that a good song should have, it's catchy, melodic, nice jangly guitars and good lyrics. So on the eve of it's release I perform a ritual. The ritual is performed according to the specific ceremonial specs needed (i'll look at this later) and hey presto the song is released and gets a bit of airplay.
Now this may have happened anyways, its hard to know but you have tipped the odds to your favour slightly, and like all good magick this needs repeating until it is verified. A strange thing that happens to me is I often sing a song, usually obscure and it is played on the radio the next hour. Because I sing the song under certain conditions I then invoke it and it manifests in my reality. Prayer is a simple form of magick as is chanting. Later we will look at how the magickian does this. For now just imagine this.
Going back to the observation of the coin, heads or tails?
Q mechanics suggests that when you look at the coin you choose one reality, the reality which registars as heads say, yet another reality is created where it is tails and you are observing that coin as tails. The two realities seperate yet both exist.
Fortunatly for me then, I get the girl at least in one reality....somewhere.

there's a beautiful low end spectrum light filtering through the darkest clouds, it comes streaming through my windows, dusk on mars, the birds settle, a few people walking their dogs past my balcony, Pan lazily checks the local hounds out as they parade past his elevated view.

Why magick?
At the risk of repeating myself, magick is using the universe, its physics and mystery to assist align you're needs with its own. The Universe is not a moral experience, therefore when people talk about evil, they are talking about a human quality, one could say the universe is devoid of judgements, it only expands towards order as all complex systems do, it is coherent. Therefore Magick should be used in conjunction with this universal coherence.
Yes one can argue an amoral perspective, but this is not taking responsibility and i have said elsewhere the magickian takes responsibility. Bear in mind that once the magickian understands this, he or she now is able to influence their reality. One could argue that everything they exist in, is now their own responsibility because they create it. To acknowledge this only increases the influence one has over their experience. However one must embrace this and meet the responsibility with grace and dignity, for this is a relationship that commands respect and honour.
The ancients who investigated Magick had a very sophisticated map of the magickal universe and held against current research into Quantum Physics, there is no overlap save for teminology and a few archaic ideas mostly presended as code.
I have developed a framework I call Quantum Magick, it uses the principles of a magickal system but within a Quantum realm. To practice it one needs to approach their duties as I have explained in earler posts, ie memes, ego, diet, fear, surrender and death. All Magickal systems require training, QM is no different, it's the brain and the mind that need shaping, the body follows suit. A well prepared neural net, a flexible mind and healthy heart (metaphysically speaking) will ensure good results.
Useful authors who i read while preparing are Tim Leary, Al Crowley, Christopher Hyatt, RAW, Howard Bloom, (specifically his book on time travel) Ervin Lazlo and Peter Carrol. Read the Bahagvahd Gita, Dahmapada, The Bible, The Books of Enoch. The Te Tao Ching. Avoid any New Age material, Theosophical clap trap, anything that reeks of religion.
Reading these books while adjusting the neural networks in your brain, the hardwire, means that you will actually gain more from them than reading under normal conditions. Gradually you can understand the analogies, the inference and the subtle poetry they elude to.
Magick is not about tricks, walking on water, manifesting gold, although these are possible, it's about potentials, possibilitys and invocation and evocation, it's about being the wave and the particle, it's about love baby, but not the kind of love that romance writers talked about, it's LOVE, the kind that the universe in it's grace expands towards and offers us glimpses of. Set the Controls to the Heart of the Sun.