so the day finally reveals as sunlight trickles through the cracks in details, the shadows all have harder lines today and there's a certain sharp edge to the temperature. i sort my car out, it needs a service and clean, i have not used it for a while and mission control needed a good airing, ahh, crispy cold breeze sorts everything out as i create an interesting corridor of flow.
i return to work today, the prodigal sun.
the other night someone invited me for dinner and i caught a ferry across the water. the house was warm and had a huge fireplace so i settled in and lo and behold two uninvited guests came to visit mid dinner both whom knew me. very old friends from an ancient past life. the first ziggy gave my a huge hug and we went straight into conversations about tarot cards, the next was a guy called lucas whom seemed to recall meeting me with a girl down at his place near the water ways of the hawksberry. so he says, 'ah yeah your the guy that did all those shamanic journeys.'
'yeah i guess i am, it was a long time ago.'
we discuss travels, europa, plants, india, we discuss all sorts of things and i seem to make everyone laugh. i'm a good accomplice when it comes to dinner parties, people seem to like my tales.
there's also some supermodel there that my friend wants to hook me up with but i don't feel it to be honest, in fact i just want to close my eyes and sleep.
in the early hours of dawn i catch the first ferry back and stop off at the bakery for some mighty fine sourdough and coffee. i wander around the small italian suburb and notice a whole new section i have never seen before, it's amazing. i explore deeper. eventually i return. so much travelling, it's nice to be home. i miss my dad. i miss my son. i miss europa and the pirate twins. i'm really done with australia but, it's winter and i always feel unsettled at winter. i sit and dream about driving my car across the usa, listening to a new church cd, and smoking johnny cash. i look at the landscapes and smell the flowers, i look up at the big skies and smile.
i gotta hunker down for a few weeks, sort out some stuff and then launch my next deep fix publication. i got to find a graphic designer and illustrator i like. someone who can work with me as an equal. that's my new mission.
1 comment:
I'm still here. With nights like tonight, I kinda wonder why...But, then again...Maybe it was Hollywood then. I'll never really know because the validation is almost worse than knowing that the ending is open to interpretation. Was it a test to see how I would focus under pressure? To see if there was a human heart wrapped in a professional distance willing to work on the nearly impossible filament of hope.
Like he said, it's the last thing to go...Hope. But, what of faith? I held the bottle of anti-psychotics in my hand a couple of weeks before the ER/BH trip to the Hospital. I threw it against the wall and listened to the rattle as it ricocheted. "Do you even have a mother..." I screamed at no one in particular but it didn't even sound like my inflection. Of course, I have a mother. Besides, there was not enough there to make a vodka tonic smooth. I knew. They'd never prescribe me a lethal dosage of anything. Sure, I might could cocktail something but that's nuts. If you want to go to sleep, just take a handful of Benadryl or Trazodone and sleep it off for a day or 12. You'll wake up again from a mini-coma if you keep all the script strengths low enough to scantily miss that full-coma thresh-hold. And why does He save me? Keep me on the lifeline? They have me convinced that I'd check-out again on anything too experimental. I probably would end up at The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Trying to teach someone how to make a one-crust deep dish apple pie in a cast iron skillet. Bound to be cast iron around in other Galaxies. Surely, Earthlings weren't the first to dig up the Iron ore.
But, I digress.
I can't decide if I am too stressed out about not being on top of my life while trying to paddle upstream against a current of politics that always seems to want to drift until the rapids -- OR -- I'm just too fracking tired to really care and de-stress in the traditional feminine way...throwing plates and crying over the mess. I keep thinking if I can just make it over the next ridge I might see a different sun rise on some other planet. And that's where the Invega comes back into play. If, indeed, I really checked out and it took a team of Super Hero Scientists and Intelligence Agents to find me...and some weird Vulcan spaceship and or a Wormhole Monolith...
Good grief.
How delusional can one person really be? I mean this is Walk-About between Light Years. This doesn't even really compute. It could be as much as 100 Billion Light Years or 780 Trillion Light Years from one point to the next between the stars at the edges. It could be more than that. And there might be more Universes beyond any of or all of those points. We see Quadrants, we see black holes, we don't see the dark matter...although with the convex lenses...we might see something different...
At least it is semi-educational...if a little far-afield?
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