i throw some stuff into a bag, i always travel light but this morning i'm a featherweight. sarongs are the flavor of the day, i'm shredding and letting go and my body is changing once more, less sluggish, more swift and agile, getting some energy back in my bones. the waves this morning are minor, not much happening down there as sun penetrates the dawn. all my dreams and hopes burn away in its haze, i look to the photon skyway as a path appears out from nowhere and figure i may just hitch a ride with the gods of change. time to just let everything go. i guess i know it's time. i found my zen again.
Friday, January 31, 2020
this story is dedicated to rukmi
the brilliance of a new sun, light spans the cosmos until it runs out of time, and somewhere out of time a man watches the flash being born, the light has reached his time.
meanwhile in a small club in sydney's east a band called 'the deep fix' plays a song it's called, 'reverse time flow' and the lyrics are about a man who manages to make time reverse itself, he manipulates the cosmos with magick and love and engineers the collision of atoms and bodies and souls until he gets back to the place where he was once safe. the arms of the woman he loved but lost.
the writer. a man called captain mission is not a good musician but he has a shit hot band and can sing reasonably well, the song tells a story. it's a bit of a greek like epic, homeric in scope but the audience like these tunes and captain mission does tell a good story.
in the audience is a waitress who keeps getting hassled by guys, she's beautiful, looks real cool, she likes her drinking, drugs and exudes raw sexuality like a ripe peach in a tight fitting corset but she don't suffer fools.
some one asks her for a card and she pulls out one from her pocket and throws it down on the table, it says trouble, and there's a mobile phone number.
old captain mission is busy trying to remember his words, he's not noticing the details of the audience but he can't help but notice the waitress walking across the room with a tray.
in the song the character casts a spell that reverses time, but it's a cluster fuck, it comes back in strange dimensions and overwhelms him, he's uncertain, a little freaked out cos he didn't think it was gonna work, certainly not the way it panned out. anyway the man in the song, decides that the only thing he can do is love what he has created, and let whatever happens happen the way it will. it's a good strategy, it's from the heart.
the singer finishes the song, it's the last one for the night and he has to help the rest of the band move their stuff of the stage. they are all old men with bad backs and creaking bones inbuded with the spirit of rock and roll.
the room is emptying, the bar closing, he's drinking a glass of water and the waitress comes over and says, 'hey great gig.'
'thank you,' he says,' you did well to, i saw you dealing with the crowd, and carrying all those drinks, moving through the room, you didn't spill one.'
'ah i wanted to spill a few over some of those assholes.'
'ha yes i imagine you get hassled everywhere.'
'yeah idiots. i'm not even into men.'
captain mission smiles, he thinks that this is fantastic because now he don't have to even think about any sexual issues between them, it was love at first sight for him.
she ends up giving him a card, he looks at it, 'can i borrow your pen?'
she hands it over, her nails half painted with a white gloss and a bright red one, like talons.
he scribbles over her card, writing the words, 'know' before the trouble.
she smiles, but she's seen it all, been around the block a million times, she's not surprised by anything much, but the smile was genuine.
later they meet up, they go to the aquarium.
they go to the zoo.
they go to various pet shops.
they listen to music.
they sit in cafes.
they walk along the beach.
they don't really talk much about anything but they both feel at peace.
everything is simple.
then one day they take a night walk.
'you know if i was a painter i would only paint the night' he says.
'yes i can't think of many painters that do that but it's a great idea.'
'i love the night skies.'
'mmm.'
'look there's jupiter, and venus.'
'how do you know.'
captain mission takes out his i phone application and shows her. he follows the night sky all the time. knows the planets and their movements, knows their influence.
they both stop and sit near a wall, watching the waves break and the magnificent sky. he doesn't notice her hand curled around his at first but then he sends her a little pulse. suddenly a bright light switches on, right in front of them.
'a star is born.'
'our star.'
they sit in silence for a long time watching their star.
while this event occurs over on anteries 7 the great octopus goddess swims to an important council meeting, the chamber of 12 only convene once a year, every year on anteries 7 is 200000 earth years equivalent. it takes a long time for anteries 7 to orbit it's sun. most of the octopi have life spans off a few million years so they take their time about such things, and don't sweat it. to them life is about pleasure and harmony. these beings are all powerful, that is a relative concept, but they have evolved their brains to such a high level things like technology, science, religion, are obsolete. the fact there is a goddess exists as a respected tradition and although she wields some power, it is usually the chamber of 12 that make decisions. not that that happens often. in fact it has not happened for 12 000 years, anteries time.
mostly they convene to engage in pleasurable activities, erotic in nature and harmless.
however this time they have an agenda.
they take their places at the chamber, there are 12 spaces, one for each of them, they are polyp like structures the octopi can play in while engaging in conversation.
when everyone settles the goddess telepathically starts communication.
'we are witnessing the birth of a new star in the multiverse, we have located it's origin in sector seven of the universe we know as 888. or using the old system as some of you prefer 777, however it makes no difference to the problem we face. while the event is several thousand years away it will effect anteries 7 by melting us in approximately 1.7 thousand years. the great chamber must deliver a course of action so we can make preparations.
there is much chatter, ideas exchange at very rapid speeds, some are selected for further consideration some thrown aside but the great goddess has focused on one that is reasonably achievable, if not a little left of centre.
the idea is generated from the octopus known as asha. she is the youngest and the most brilliant mind the octopi have ever known. she starts to explain.
'we must know why starts are created on multidimensional levels, on the most physical they are created by proton, photon tachyon activity but in the higher dimensions they are born from love. we must find the source of this love and stop it.'
the goddess agrees although reluctantly. 'we could travel backwards in time and avert this.'
'yes' asha say, we would have to intercede in 7 dimensions, not just 4. the math is straight forwards but i don't know as to the consequences.'
'the consequences could be catastrophic.' the statement emanates from an old wise octopi called nevets. 'you can't fuck with love dudes.'
'we have to do something. romantic platitudes won't help.'
'it's not romantic, it's white magick.'
'mmm the old ways again.'
'we have evolved since your time nevets, your just an old skool octopi.'
'yes but i am right.'
there's a general feeling that everyone will dismiss his statement when suddenly asha who has been lost in thought, interrupts with a mind bomb of information that would translate along these lines.
'nevets is right.' she smiles at the old octopi, 'we should respect his idea, we can't mess with the first principle, it would return with unimaginable consequences.if not in our lifetimes in other incarnations, we must be true to ourselves and our wisdom.'
silence falls.
captain mission and the waitress who he calls 'know t' or 'not' for short, are drinking coffee in a small cafe waiting for dolphins. they don't come, they never come, but they live in hope and never give up waiting.
they have been seeing one another for a long time but they are only friends. captain mission respects her sexuality and won't transgress it. besides he's happy like this. why complicate things. but little did he know things were about to get very complex.
he'd been watching the stars one night and even though he was quite smashed on high grade thia buddah sticks as he gazed at the stars with not, he makes out a massive octopus shape in the constillations, it's gigantic and so well defined he leans over to not and gives her a gentle nudge.
'hey look up there a moment.'
'yeah, stars, lots of them.'
'look at the shape, tell me what you see?'
'what shapes, it's just a load of stars, lots of them, billions, it's so beautiful but you woke me up, i was sleeping.'
;just look and tell me if you can see anything standing...'
'oh yes, there's an octopus.'
and they lay back staring at the giant octopus above them.
her hand finds it's way to his, she whispers, 'you know what. i'm really happy.'
'me to,' the captain says.
the brilliance of a new sun, light spans the cosmos until it runs out of time, and somewhere out of time a man watches the flash being born, the light has reached his time.
meanwhile in a small club in sydney's east a band called 'the deep fix' plays a song it's called, 'reverse time flow' and the lyrics are about a man who manages to make time reverse itself, he manipulates the cosmos with magick and love and engineers the collision of atoms and bodies and souls until he gets back to the place where he was once safe. the arms of the woman he loved but lost.
the writer. a man called captain mission is not a good musician but he has a shit hot band and can sing reasonably well, the song tells a story. it's a bit of a greek like epic, homeric in scope but the audience like these tunes and captain mission does tell a good story.
in the audience is a waitress who keeps getting hassled by guys, she's beautiful, looks real cool, she likes her drinking, drugs and exudes raw sexuality like a ripe peach in a tight fitting corset but she don't suffer fools.
some one asks her for a card and she pulls out one from her pocket and throws it down on the table, it says trouble, and there's a mobile phone number.
old captain mission is busy trying to remember his words, he's not noticing the details of the audience but he can't help but notice the waitress walking across the room with a tray.
in the song the character casts a spell that reverses time, but it's a cluster fuck, it comes back in strange dimensions and overwhelms him, he's uncertain, a little freaked out cos he didn't think it was gonna work, certainly not the way it panned out. anyway the man in the song, decides that the only thing he can do is love what he has created, and let whatever happens happen the way it will. it's a good strategy, it's from the heart.
the singer finishes the song, it's the last one for the night and he has to help the rest of the band move their stuff of the stage. they are all old men with bad backs and creaking bones inbuded with the spirit of rock and roll.
the room is emptying, the bar closing, he's drinking a glass of water and the waitress comes over and says, 'hey great gig.'
'thank you,' he says,' you did well to, i saw you dealing with the crowd, and carrying all those drinks, moving through the room, you didn't spill one.'
'ah i wanted to spill a few over some of those assholes.'
'ha yes i imagine you get hassled everywhere.'
'yeah idiots. i'm not even into men.'
captain mission smiles, he thinks that this is fantastic because now he don't have to even think about any sexual issues between them, it was love at first sight for him.
she ends up giving him a card, he looks at it, 'can i borrow your pen?'
she hands it over, her nails half painted with a white gloss and a bright red one, like talons.
he scribbles over her card, writing the words, 'know' before the trouble.
she smiles, but she's seen it all, been around the block a million times, she's not surprised by anything much, but the smile was genuine.
later they meet up, they go to the aquarium.
they go to the zoo.
they go to various pet shops.
they listen to music.
they sit in cafes.
they walk along the beach.
they don't really talk much about anything but they both feel at peace.
everything is simple.
then one day they take a night walk.
'you know if i was a painter i would only paint the night' he says.
'yes i can't think of many painters that do that but it's a great idea.'
'i love the night skies.'
'mmm.'
'look there's jupiter, and venus.'
'how do you know.'
captain mission takes out his i phone application and shows her. he follows the night sky all the time. knows the planets and their movements, knows their influence.
they both stop and sit near a wall, watching the waves break and the magnificent sky. he doesn't notice her hand curled around his at first but then he sends her a little pulse. suddenly a bright light switches on, right in front of them.
'a star is born.'
'our star.'
they sit in silence for a long time watching their star.
while this event occurs over on anteries 7 the great octopus goddess swims to an important council meeting, the chamber of 12 only convene once a year, every year on anteries 7 is 200000 earth years equivalent. it takes a long time for anteries 7 to orbit it's sun. most of the octopi have life spans off a few million years so they take their time about such things, and don't sweat it. to them life is about pleasure and harmony. these beings are all powerful, that is a relative concept, but they have evolved their brains to such a high level things like technology, science, religion, are obsolete. the fact there is a goddess exists as a respected tradition and although she wields some power, it is usually the chamber of 12 that make decisions. not that that happens often. in fact it has not happened for 12 000 years, anteries time.
mostly they convene to engage in pleasurable activities, erotic in nature and harmless.
however this time they have an agenda.
they take their places at the chamber, there are 12 spaces, one for each of them, they are polyp like structures the octopi can play in while engaging in conversation.
when everyone settles the goddess telepathically starts communication.
'we are witnessing the birth of a new star in the multiverse, we have located it's origin in sector seven of the universe we know as 888. or using the old system as some of you prefer 777, however it makes no difference to the problem we face. while the event is several thousand years away it will effect anteries 7 by melting us in approximately 1.7 thousand years. the great chamber must deliver a course of action so we can make preparations.
there is much chatter, ideas exchange at very rapid speeds, some are selected for further consideration some thrown aside but the great goddess has focused on one that is reasonably achievable, if not a little left of centre.
the idea is generated from the octopus known as asha. she is the youngest and the most brilliant mind the octopi have ever known. she starts to explain.
'we must know why starts are created on multidimensional levels, on the most physical they are created by proton, photon tachyon activity but in the higher dimensions they are born from love. we must find the source of this love and stop it.'
the goddess agrees although reluctantly. 'we could travel backwards in time and avert this.'
'yes' asha say, we would have to intercede in 7 dimensions, not just 4. the math is straight forwards but i don't know as to the consequences.'
'the consequences could be catastrophic.' the statement emanates from an old wise octopi called nevets. 'you can't fuck with love dudes.'
'we have to do something. romantic platitudes won't help.'
'it's not romantic, it's white magick.'
'mmm the old ways again.'
'we have evolved since your time nevets, your just an old skool octopi.'
'yes but i am right.'
there's a general feeling that everyone will dismiss his statement when suddenly asha who has been lost in thought, interrupts with a mind bomb of information that would translate along these lines.
'nevets is right.' she smiles at the old octopi, 'we should respect his idea, we can't mess with the first principle, it would return with unimaginable consequences.if not in our lifetimes in other incarnations, we must be true to ourselves and our wisdom.'
silence falls.
captain mission and the waitress who he calls 'know t' or 'not' for short, are drinking coffee in a small cafe waiting for dolphins. they don't come, they never come, but they live in hope and never give up waiting.
they have been seeing one another for a long time but they are only friends. captain mission respects her sexuality and won't transgress it. besides he's happy like this. why complicate things. but little did he know things were about to get very complex.
he'd been watching the stars one night and even though he was quite smashed on high grade thia buddah sticks as he gazed at the stars with not, he makes out a massive octopus shape in the constillations, it's gigantic and so well defined he leans over to not and gives her a gentle nudge.
'hey look up there a moment.'
'yeah, stars, lots of them.'
'look at the shape, tell me what you see?'
'what shapes, it's just a load of stars, lots of them, billions, it's so beautiful but you woke me up, i was sleeping.'
;just look and tell me if you can see anything standing...'
'oh yes, there's an octopus.'
and they lay back staring at the giant octopus above them.
her hand finds it's way to his, she whispers, 'you know what. i'm really happy.'
'me to,' the captain says.
Thursday, January 30, 2020
integration. she says it all the time as i was split into parts, all functioning perfectly and coherently within one body. but for some reason connected with the importance of being grounded, i was taken back, de evolved. part of me was released, a part of my being i had no perception off, i had never seen it before and it was unbearably ugly. she said, this is a blessing but it was also a curse. that unleashed inner child of mine wanted love so badly it was destructive and dangerous, especially combined with the magickian persona. i think that's what she was getting at but i could be wrong. she said many times she had been sent by god to bring me down. i guess she did in many ways, no wonder i was kicking and screaming, i was at a stage in my personal evolution that was important to me, it had taken me a lifetime to cultivate so letting go of that was always going to be tricky and throw up resistance.
the de evolution brought me from a vast god like consciousness down to a child's. i'm struggling with everything emotional and felt like a baby in the world, a baby needing love but i think by then her dark side which represented my mothers was in full bloom. two dangerous dark sides, her own from her past and mine seemed to be born again, two fragments of damaged egos, two polar opposites and two twin souls. souls that only want to unite but also in this paradox of what she calls healing suck out the darkness from one another, the result became trauma. trauma to the point i started having panic attacks everytime i was with her and she me.
i'll talk about this:
we both experience one another. it's a strange complex process but i'm beginning to understand it all so much better as i integrate. she says be careful what you wish for, whereas i say, care for what you wish for. i think we are both correct.
we share trauma we pull it out off one another and we bear the weight of humanities healing on top of our own. that is no exaggeration, hence the pain, the extreme and the intensity. such is the twin flame journey. it's difficult to perceive it as a gift but it is gods gift to us both.
we are truely equal, there is no doubt, it manifests in almost everything we have done.
this integration has been weird, it stops and starts, it takes a step forwards and then two back, it is horrific and beautiful and often frightening. we are not as free as we think, we are not in control of our lives but often guided by forces we have little control over, i'm not sure how i feel about this but it is been true in this process. there is a soul. there is a god, and therefore he / she / it, must have a plan else why would two individuals experience such an event. it may just be to heal one another, but it also may be for a higher purpose. i have avoided that aspect so far as it seemed so arrogant and in my magickian i needed to maintain a certain humility and isolation although when we entered the heart magick space i saw glimpses of our future, beautiful future. the potential. i guess i really did need some form of protection but what i got was slightly different.
now i can feel the aspects of me all coming into cohesive. they struggled with this, that's why it was slow, parts of me clinging to their individuality. 3 seperate egos. they are there for a reason, and it has got me so far in life but now i seem to be in some sort of new formation.
forming is a word she used often which i am only now beginning to comprehend, this forming period is multi dimensional. i needed to form with her, as an us so we could fly together, but i also needed to form in the structure of my personality. they need the union first.
they need to form into something new that is one whole and as this is happening i find a certain peace.
even without her in my life i am at peace whenever i think of her, it's sorrowful but also something beautiful, a really deep love. a love i can''t explain, a love without need or want, a love for her. it's almost as though nothing really matters anymore, only her being fulfilled, happy and at peace. for the first time i am letting go, with love. now that's very new!
as the days pass i feel my integration, parts of me all come together. i accept my inner child, it had needs that were unmet and then demanded them. i had no grace in that state, just a selfish idiot. i accept my failings. i must become a better man, work upon these awful attributes i seem to have now, make myself the best i can be. that is my immediate goal.
my consciousness is growing, it's not the magickian yet but it is expanding slowly with each day, and i can feel all aspects of me not getting weaker as i feared but getting stronger and present as one complete entity. this is my private revolution, but i will always it share with you.
i meditate and do strange affirmations, stuff i did almost 26 years ago back when i was perusing my spiritual journey. i have to return to the things i have neglected starting with my health. my body. i enter detox, water, fruit and teas. i practice my ritual with the sunrise. i am grateful for my twin and what she has shown me, what i have learnt, i am going within and giving me the love i need. she was right all along. i must change myself, be the change as this will assist her growth as well. i must shift my negative energy and be positive and in balance with myself.
as i reflect i begin to understand her language and mine. she is based in the spiritual while i was in the magickal language, her words confused me as words are just a map whereas i was navigating in the landscape. now i seem to be decoding her vocabulary and it has a place for me now i am where i am. it actually makes perfect sense. the baby inside me is growing up, it's learning how to walk again. it's returning into a world and seeing only beauty. and i can never forget the incredible beauty of our experience, i became all her ex partners she projected upon me, i lost myself to find myself here. we lived a lifetime in a year and a half. we have lived many lifetimes and this was our last. that's why i was so urgent, and needing to unite. that precious time we have left, we could be doing our mission and i know what our mission is, i always have. i understand i have to do it alone, seperate from her but she has shown me a missing piece of the jigsaw that i am and i acknowledge that with love.
the de evolution brought me from a vast god like consciousness down to a child's. i'm struggling with everything emotional and felt like a baby in the world, a baby needing love but i think by then her dark side which represented my mothers was in full bloom. two dangerous dark sides, her own from her past and mine seemed to be born again, two fragments of damaged egos, two polar opposites and two twin souls. souls that only want to unite but also in this paradox of what she calls healing suck out the darkness from one another, the result became trauma. trauma to the point i started having panic attacks everytime i was with her and she me.
i'll talk about this:
we both experience one another. it's a strange complex process but i'm beginning to understand it all so much better as i integrate. she says be careful what you wish for, whereas i say, care for what you wish for. i think we are both correct.
we share trauma we pull it out off one another and we bear the weight of humanities healing on top of our own. that is no exaggeration, hence the pain, the extreme and the intensity. such is the twin flame journey. it's difficult to perceive it as a gift but it is gods gift to us both.
we are truely equal, there is no doubt, it manifests in almost everything we have done.
this integration has been weird, it stops and starts, it takes a step forwards and then two back, it is horrific and beautiful and often frightening. we are not as free as we think, we are not in control of our lives but often guided by forces we have little control over, i'm not sure how i feel about this but it is been true in this process. there is a soul. there is a god, and therefore he / she / it, must have a plan else why would two individuals experience such an event. it may just be to heal one another, but it also may be for a higher purpose. i have avoided that aspect so far as it seemed so arrogant and in my magickian i needed to maintain a certain humility and isolation although when we entered the heart magick space i saw glimpses of our future, beautiful future. the potential. i guess i really did need some form of protection but what i got was slightly different.
now i can feel the aspects of me all coming into cohesive. they struggled with this, that's why it was slow, parts of me clinging to their individuality. 3 seperate egos. they are there for a reason, and it has got me so far in life but now i seem to be in some sort of new formation.
forming is a word she used often which i am only now beginning to comprehend, this forming period is multi dimensional. i needed to form with her, as an us so we could fly together, but i also needed to form in the structure of my personality. they need the union first.
they need to form into something new that is one whole and as this is happening i find a certain peace.
even without her in my life i am at peace whenever i think of her, it's sorrowful but also something beautiful, a really deep love. a love i can''t explain, a love without need or want, a love for her. it's almost as though nothing really matters anymore, only her being fulfilled, happy and at peace. for the first time i am letting go, with love. now that's very new!
as the days pass i feel my integration, parts of me all come together. i accept my inner child, it had needs that were unmet and then demanded them. i had no grace in that state, just a selfish idiot. i accept my failings. i must become a better man, work upon these awful attributes i seem to have now, make myself the best i can be. that is my immediate goal.
my consciousness is growing, it's not the magickian yet but it is expanding slowly with each day, and i can feel all aspects of me not getting weaker as i feared but getting stronger and present as one complete entity. this is my private revolution, but i will always it share with you.
i meditate and do strange affirmations, stuff i did almost 26 years ago back when i was perusing my spiritual journey. i have to return to the things i have neglected starting with my health. my body. i enter detox, water, fruit and teas. i practice my ritual with the sunrise. i am grateful for my twin and what she has shown me, what i have learnt, i am going within and giving me the love i need. she was right all along. i must change myself, be the change as this will assist her growth as well. i must shift my negative energy and be positive and in balance with myself.
as i reflect i begin to understand her language and mine. she is based in the spiritual while i was in the magickal language, her words confused me as words are just a map whereas i was navigating in the landscape. now i seem to be decoding her vocabulary and it has a place for me now i am where i am. it actually makes perfect sense. the baby inside me is growing up, it's learning how to walk again. it's returning into a world and seeing only beauty. and i can never forget the incredible beauty of our experience, i became all her ex partners she projected upon me, i lost myself to find myself here. we lived a lifetime in a year and a half. we have lived many lifetimes and this was our last. that's why i was so urgent, and needing to unite. that precious time we have left, we could be doing our mission and i know what our mission is, i always have. i understand i have to do it alone, seperate from her but she has shown me a missing piece of the jigsaw that i am and i acknowledge that with love.
Tuesday, January 28, 2020
Sunday, January 19, 2020
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