saw t2 the trainspotting sequel, i have read the book but have to confess the film is better, some liberties taken. 
surprised by it's emotional impact upon me, i think i shed a tear in there somewhere. 
it's seamless despite the twenty year gap between the first films narrative yet it fits perfectly and there are some very cool references to the original  the soundtrack is excellent except for one queen song which was out of place.
it was very funny in parts, violent and graphic and surreal. 
choose captain missions blog.

H. P. Lovecraft The Call Of Cthulhu

certain outlines of trees in the twilight offer a glimpse into shadow lands, the way they branches resemble hands and fingers curling outstretched and gnarled. the rising moon just peeking behind horizons painted by blind deranged men, the way light sucks back to whence it came, the remainder is a paler shade of nocturnal expectations.

certain trees represent a grand idea, a time where form meant something deeper than mere lines. the brain endorses this in tales and myth, mystery surrounds some trees.

when i was a child i recall wimbledon common, opposite my grandmothers house. the trees came out to the edge of the road and leaned over my bedroom. in those early days the streetlights were gas, and the light itself had a shimmer and aura of uncertainty. 

it happened one evening, i couldn't sleep, was not allowed down stairs where the adults were. i looked out from my bed at the strange light shining through the gap in the curtains. 

it was softer than normal light, changeable and watery. i peeked at it from the safety of my covers and wondered why it was.

in a tiny body things look different, altered. 

i clambered out from the security of my bed and went over to the curtain. outside i could hear a wind howling. 

there's inside where all is safe and sound. and outside is another business. every fear awaits, all the dark imaginings of a young mind are beyond that thin screen. 

i must have looked. eventually. i must have opened the curtain and seen the big tree.

only the tree was not a tree, it was a face, a huge face, angry and moving wildly in the howling wind, roaring at me, bending right over across the street, leaning towards me, with a mouth of leaves wide open screeching silently, it's big eyes hungry and violent. it swirled and moved backwards and forwards, all the while that big mouth raging in the wind.

i'd never seen an angry tree before, i had never seen one so violent and hostile. it seemed to leap towards me and then rear back.

i was scared, a tiny kid in a dark room, looking at something that was terrifying me and i realised at a young age, some trees are just bad.

sometimes the past just drags you backwards, kicking and screaming. i loathe that imposition, yet here i am being compromised to do something i really don't want to do. fuck it!

the sudden life movement formed in 2018 after the nihilism of the previous year. it's founder captain mission, a fucked up freak strung out on powerful entheogens had the satori moment while communicating with several alien lifeforms through deep meditative practices.
they had been engaged in a dialogue over several months and the problems they encountered were based in the human central nervous system, although very advanced it was limited by the laws of the physical universe it inhabited. the aliens understood out there in the quantum foam each universe functions under different laws. newtons thermodynamics don't apply in most of them despite their irrefutable reign in ours. alternative universes have their own laws and rules, some where sound travels faster than light, some where time flows backwards, some where there is no time, some to alien to describe, bizarre worlds, an infinite number of them. 
each life form is designed to inhabit the universe it resides in, most obviously a localised one. humans lived on the earth and were limited by natural laws, just as natural laws would not allow them to flourish on jupiter it was possible to one day create a safe environment upon that particular planet. equally kepler 424 could support non human life but whatever form that life took it would have to obey the laws of the universe just like humanity.
during the discussions which some of the extra dimensional life forms mission learnt how they had transcended their own universal laws by learning how to use black holes as a gateway. although the black holes sucked all gravity inside itself it went somewhere, and certain holes are pathways in and others out. 
for the human mind it would as though swiss cheese was the fabric of reality, but it was slightly more complex. the swiss cheese may be our universe but if you took one of the holes as an exit and left through it you leave the swiss cheese behind. the hole will still be there, only it's an exit not an entrance and return is not guaranteed unless another gateway is found that returns to the universe you originated from. 
most aliens who have managed to cross this divide did it by changing their central nervous systems and brains. the safest way to do this is through meditation and breathing techniques however it would take a lifetime to reach anywhere close enough to do this in a meaningful way. there are plant medicines that will do this and then there's magick. 
students of the occult would indeed know lam was one of the first aliens to have made direct contact with a contemporary magickian, alister crowley. although crowley fucked himself over with addictions, ego and trappings of his age he did at least record his communications for prosperity. since his time the aliens have always been there for us should we require assistance. over many centuries humanity has struggled to define these beings, often relegated to folk law, mythology. now at least the age of global consciousness allows us to expand out into the reaches of inner and outer space and invite assistance. 
mission was working on ideas when first contact transpired. although versed in the forms of schizophrenia and mental illness mission conducted several self diagnostic assessments before committing to the inevitable.
using sherlocks deduction techniques all that remained no matter how improbable was the impossible. 
eventually two minds were joined by others, and the network began. 
the explosive inter dimensional leap was known as 'sudden life' as life as we had known it since the birth of consciousness now took on a new meaning. the evolution we had assumed started with single celled creatures joining other cells and specialised groups to form thriving efficient organisms had catapulted to a new kind of life. life that crossed universes, life that crossed and lived under different physical laws. 
the sudden life cult's main mission was to find other seekers and connect them, and when the time was right collectively begin to access the black hole networks. we were all just cells in another organism, despite this idea we were seperate, we are just bits and bytes in a larger life form, and it was waking up.
humanity is an organ, part of a vast intelligence, perhaps but most probable another being that spans dimensions and universes. 
on the 1st of march 2017 the sudden life cult movement was challenged to prove it's authenticity and validate it's claims to a skeptical observer. 
suffice to say the proof lay in front of their eyes all the time.
since then several networks have established themselves, many with direct links to alien intelligences and inter-dimensional beings. networks link with networks and a framework emerges of just how large the host organism is, perhaps that to is part of an unimaginably larger being.  

   

about 5pm the massive darkness blots out the sun and i find myself in a car park loading up on supplies. as i'm transferring coconut water into the boot i stop momentarily and take in the landscape above me. the blue skies have just become one mass of pulsing throbbing black, dense with electrical activity, i can feel it on the ends on my fingers, somewhere in the brain a reptilian circuit flips on, and i know i need to get home fast.

the drive is congested and a few massive drops of rainfall hit the screen, a bolt of lightening streaks down followed by hideous thunder.

i watch the lightning, it's not just impressive, it's awesome and having once been struck by it makes me fear. logic dictates i am very safe in my capsule but none the less i can't wait to get home. 

massive vibrations of sound, war zone above me, the situation is grim. the bolts now are a few seconds apart and light up the valley, searing their way across the skies and downwards, searching me out. i put my switch on my thrusters and find my way home. 

transfer the goods before the deluge, light candles, lock doors and windows and wait. 

the disruptive climate oppressively pulling us all down with it's heavy gravity, my capsule is cool, the air con pumps out cold air and the cd player spits out flaming lips electro trips. that new album is incredible but far out there. it's drug simile songs for a new generation of pop people. 
the surf conditions are not hospitable, a messy whitewash of disunity. i can't even get wet in water that angry. 
just chill out, read, relax under the fan, smoke my purple haze and drift in and out. 
prey for the rain to come, the garden needs it, the fish need it, we all need it. rain, rain rain, here comes the rain.

anti social misanthropic mission attends a big ho ha down in the city outside parliament house with a whole bunch of other nutters demanding things from people in big homes and nice suits. man, we just want to keep our paltry wages, we just want to keep our security and all that jazz. the fat cats look upon us with scorn, a water drenched rabble of fucking plebs, the citizens. 
i scan their minds and this is what i find.
we don't care about you as humans
we only want your vote
we only want your tax dollars
you are all expendable
we have the power
you do not
we have the authority
you do not
we have it for four years and we will milk it dry, every ounce, until we are set for life and you will pay for it.
some one shouts out 'what do we want?'
another yells in swift response something inaudible and i join in by yelling out, 'free lunch.'
these fat cats won't listen to us at all, they have their heads buried in the sand, journalists won't even ask us a question. they watch from the shelter of their big building and look upon us with scorn.
suddenly the riot squad arrive, they clear the streets and block the traffic. 
about two hundred aboriginal people march passed us, demonstrations clash. good timing, as usual the union fuck things up. these people want to stop black deaths in custardy. i swap sides. i ditch the fucking unions because they are the pigs who wheel and deal along with the pigs who look down upon us. i can't see the difference in the animal farm. all i know is 30 years after the royal commission into black deaths these people are still asking for a basic human right, to stay alive under police protection.
i care about wages and conditions but you know, i 'd feel a sense of shame if the right to stay alive was not a priority. 
this is australia 2017.  

this heat, the killing kind, sucking the juice outta bones. it's to hot to spontaneously combust, i gulp down my coconut drinks like a wild beast at the watering hole. even the fucking surf is exhausted from the heat, waves can't function, powerless and like lethargic attempts fail before they even start. i splash around and find some sanctuary in the shade.
meet nicole for some sort of breakfast she has arranged in some sort of cafe i would never ever visit or return to. i wait one hour for my coffee, several young waitresses seem disinterested in my needs, although i am quite happy chatting to nicole about europian cinema and magic tricks. 
i make several jokes about the long wait, i guess at least the place is chilled as the air con is turned up high, things could be worse, i could be waiting for blood in a make shift hospital in nigeria. sometimes a little perspective helps, sometimes you just gotta fight the impulse to demand efficient service and just know not to return rather than cause a scene. i won't return, it's not my sort of vibe anyway, far to middle class. 
tomorrow i think i will do some major work around the mission, if the temperature drops and i have to find some suitable colours to match my inner vision, a trip to the hardware store maybe, a place i am completely out of place in.

the days have melted away, the nights drift into heatwave, you try to find a happy medium but the only ones i find are jaded old gypsies with chips on their shoulders and broken teeth from uttering to many curses. 
my cards all read good, my hand is an example of happy daze, my aura is a happy ending and it has the old hag bamboozled .
she spits on my palm, puts her finger on my forehead and asks if i need the crystal ball reading. i nod, i like the cool of her tent and it offers me sanctuary from an abusively hot day. 
she stares into the ball, throws her head under the shawl and her eyes just peeking out look puzzled, her wiry hands and elongated old crinkeled fingers form a shield around the balls circumference. suddenly her iris expands, eyes open, her hands withdraw, the ball shatters and implodes. 
i look at her puzzled face, 'did you get anything?'
yes, i saw your future. it said, nothing is true everything is permitted, but i don't understand it.
i hand over the silver, 'it's not for you to understand.'

collection at the vet, a small deceptively heavy metal box. it's sealed tight and contains dust from whatever is left of pans corporeal form.  
ashes they say but it may as well be dust.
i transport it home and place it on my table. 
maybe i'll just bury it in the garden and plant some pansy's around him, a memorial. maybe i'll unscrew the screws that seal the box tight and let the wind carry the scattered ashes where it will. it's a strange business, i feel like pans still with me, standing by my side, i still wake up and go to feed him, i still check out the back to see if he has water and see if he is snoozing in his spot. i still sometimes go to call his name, i still keep all his things. i gotta let it all go, ghost dog pan can hang around but i need to let everything go.

the hottest night and not in a good way, way to hot for clothes, sheets i lay naked on my bed under the fan which is on high speed and manages to push hot air downwards, so not much relief, it's impossible to sleep. 
i've had a big night, city rendezvous with val and olga for hash cookies dinner and ice cream and our usual ramble through the strange worlds, but the hash cookie has been over cooked in the heat, it's burning up my blood stream, frying my neurones. 
laying on my bed i have already drunk two litres of mineral water and immediately sweated it right out. when i stand up it's like walking through molasses as i make my way downstairs for some relief, i open the fridge door and want to climb in.
we used to get days like this in the late eighties and early nineties and they were glorious because around evening the southerly would kick in and a cooling wind would blow in, great for beers on the balcony, an evening meal and some friends to sit back with and share a joint, these days the change don't come. it just remains oppressive. i drip all over the place, no relief from this, no where to go except the car which has incredible air con. 
i throw on a pair of shorts and nothing else, take the module down to the beach, in a few hours the sun will rise. 
i wake up in front of pure brilliant orange and red as the flame burns through space and refracts off the water, the sunrise offers no respite but the water does.
surf conditions are immaculate, wave structures form for me, as i swim out, fin in hand. the heat fatigue fades, the cool joy of bliss  explodes in my heart. catch waves, ride waves, banish everything, except the wave, zen moments bring elegant satori.