everything zen this morning i had that moment, feeding my old fish. he was dying when i inherited him, pondman said he's only got a few weeks left, old mangy thing, his eye all bulbous and wretched, skin looking awful, colour faded in decay, deaths shadow upon him. he's lived two years now, his colour and life force returned.
so this morning i'm feeding him, it's almost hand feeding, his senses are not sharp but he's got spirit. i like his oriental mouth, it's hilarious. like an ancient kung fu master, a bit like yoda, as his mouth opens and closes i think he's trying to telepathically communicate to me. so i stand there and as i throw each pellet down in front of his mouth i get this really zen moment where i am the fish and we are all one, part of some process of nature, connected and unable to even intellectualise it, just what it is.
for a moment i was no longer captain mission feeding a fish, i was not even aware i was human, i was just in a zen moment.
it felt strangely satisfying, everything in place for that one perfect moment. i wonder if my fish felt it to.