i have a lot to say, it's mostly a reveiw of things i experienced and where i am at and i write furiously. i finsihed with something i wrote and cannot post it because i am conflicted as to what right action is. 
i have been this way for many months now and it has really stifled my energy.
i'm not sure how to resolve this because therein lies a paradox. 
when i started the blog it was for me, a way to write, think, process, reflect and put it out there in the thought that others may find something worthwhile in my strange mind. it worked a treat until last year when it was pointed out everything i write comes true. i can't deny there is an element of this but it also traps me as a writer. 
a writer writes irreverent to rules and laws, a writer is a  creator and my particular style is to break conventional rules and laws and advance writing as an art. i see it as magickal but never figured it would influence anyone i cared about so much. it has and i have to be mindful. but then why limit myself, why restrict myself to someone who has not even been a good friend to me. why should i fucking even feel weird about it. 
i need to express myself the way she has vocally to me. i have the right to respond and also channel my anger and feelings. 
for over a year i have put boundaries upon writing and today i must decide weather this is a reasonable action in light of circumstances.