in the deepest of dreams i was reunited with tim, in england of all the places, at my parents old home. i don't quite know how i met him, but he was there, he wanted to buy some shoe laces but refused to shop at any large shop. i took him to a small independent place. we returned home and he had a sleep, i went out to work.

my job was a strange new job working as a door to door salesman or delivery man. i could never be certain exactly what i was doing, picking things up or dropping things off. embedded in this job was another job, distributing marijuana to people who were in pain, terminally ill, post traumatic war veterans. the frail and old, chronic arthritis sufferers, lonely depressed housewives and any one who was in any kind of pain.

on my way to one pace i passed a moor where very large eagles sat in a thick low laying mist, you could see the tops of their heads sticking out from this blanket of cotton wool fog. 
the grounds were being used for construction in the very near future, the moors needed clearing and a small team of environmental people had the government sponsored task of capturing and relocating the eagles. i watched them working and then made my way to the next appointment. on the way i stepped over an area that was wet and connected two large lakes, down in the dirt i saw what appeared to be an iphone. it rang, glowing incandescently under a layer of muddy water. i didn't answer it but picked it up and thought to return it to its owner if i could work out whom it belonged to.

then i made my deliveries, some sexy housewives in skimpy french numbers, some tragically sick frail people, and two young brothers, all seemed to know me, some were giving me bundles of art, others complained about the slowness of the company i worked for, some offered me a joint and some hungrily accepted the  bags of grass i tossed at them, offering me a roll of cash.

later i returned home and tim was up and about, he was struggling with the laces.

i made him something to eat, my brother came home and i introduced him. i spoke about how i thought he was dead, how it upset me, and how i moved away from everything i know. i told him about that strange walk i had through avalon where everyone came out to hug me and how i never went to the funeral. tim laughed out loud, he said he had just left and gone to india. he looked the same, huge, bald and dressed gregariously but he was somewhat softer, more gentle. i asked him bout the david ikce book he had been reading. he reached the same conclusion as i had, i asked him if he would stay around and he said yes. my mother appeared and tim introduced himself, they spoke for a while, and then tim and i decided it was time to return to australia. outside his car sat, the same old beaten up black bmw.

in my dream i was happy, i had found my friend again.

when i woke up i wrote this, i don't know what it means yet, i think in some ways it just means tim is somewhere, existing in some form, and he wants me to know he's okay.

as far as the eagles, well the crow symbolised tim's death so i'll intuitively leap to the eagle being a rebirth. perhaps tim returned this morning, with a new body, perhaps he will seek me out as before. perhaps the phone was a communication symbol, the mist obscure and mysterious other worldly. perhaps the shoe laces are the ties that connect us, perhaps its wishful thinking on my part but i feel reconciled now.

when a singularity bomb explodes there is no noise from a blast, it just creates a small portal from which anti matter leaks into our universe. part of the antimatter is the past, the past leaking into the present time colliding in a way it was never designed to. the radiation emits in a 360 degree radius, it doesn't stop unless the fracture is healed and what has changed remains, it can't be undone. i imagined the city would be over run with this type of energy, morphed into something unimaginable, i was not sure if any life could survive it. we had outrun the leak, but we would always need to keep moving forwards, attempting to get further away, but in the back of my mind the awful truth was taking hold, the further we get away from it the closer we head towards it.

i stood over the seeping cat girl, part of me wanted to wake her, and take her with me, running until time itself runs out. but it was better to let her sleep, in a few hours the singularity energy would wash over her, it's better if she didn't see it coming. i looked for the cat, it was nowhere in sight.
as i reached the door she spoke, 'fuck you mister, you can't leave me here.'
i stopped in my tracks, 'there's no way out from this, we can outrun it but it will catch us.'
'then why are you running away'
'i'm not i'm going back to the city, right back to the centre of the singularity.'
'the what!'
i explained what had happened, the way the military had developed this device, experimental weaponry. something must have gone wrong. she listened but i don't think she really believed me, the cat leapt up into her arms, the sun started to hack into the room past the blinds in strange laser like lines.
'i'm coming with you, maybe i can help.'
'well i'm just warning you, there's no telling how this will effect us, we will change, our molecular structure may mutate, our faces may melt, i just don't know.'
'what are you going to do in the singularity.'
'i'm not certain, but i will try to stop it, somehow, plug it at least, there must be a way.'
'we have nothing to loose but time.'
i waited for her to get dressed, we drove back the way we came, back to what was once a beautiful city.

before dawn we pulled into a small cottage, it was a one bedroom hideaway, on high ground. abandoned by whomever lived here, no trace of their identity left, not a clue except they were efficient when it comes to stripping their home, even the light bulbs were missing. i found a few candles and lit them, i checked the water, it would take a couple of hours for the boiler to kick in, so i made a comfortable bed up and got some sleep on the sofa while cat girl and her furry friend slept on the mattress in the bedroom.
i wandered around a little, then fell asleep on the sofa. 
as i drifted off, events began to focus. it started about 20 years ago, the building, and although the construction was kept hidden from the public we all knew it was there. when they unveiled it of course it was just a regular government building but information has a habit of leaking and most people with their ear to the ground knew it was some sort of experimental military project. some said it was a place they did research on aliens, others suggested it was a vast network of computers, echelon, monitoring all tele communications in the southern hemisphere, others said it was a stargate type wormhole, designed to make interstellar travel possible and then the blue prints leaked out.
no one was really sure what it was except it was a portal, the design was non human, no one could understand it. it was posted online on various sites and the comment threads all seemed to speculate and then it began to gain exposure. first a breakfast tv station showed it as a novelty item and asked people to phone in their ideas in a competition. government spokespeople gave their five cents worth and denied any covert operation and then during a live interview one of the scientists who worked there confessed it was a weapon, a singularity bomb. no one took him seriously, i mean what the fuck is a singularity bomb?
people laughed, the media went nuts, the scientist was dismissed as a crackpot. he shot himself, blew his skull up with a sawn off shot gun, people wrote books about the singularity hoax and then months later when everyone stopped talking about it, it detonated. actually detonated implied an explosion, singularity bombs don't actually explode, they leak.
i guess you could call it anti matter, it pours into our world like an invisible gas, altering everything, changing the properties of matter. 

heavy rainfall, city drenched in water, coming up through the ground, sweeping in across the roads and pavements. i make a dash for the car, i'm wrapped up in my new raincoat. water droplets explode on my coat and face like a war zone, vision blurred, the car headlights from the street appear like light blasts. i fumble with my keys and slide inside. 
the highway is chaos, cars stacked up in a graveyard of metal, warped doors hanging of their hinges, broken window screens and waterlogged audis, bmws, hondas and fords. my radio is static with the occasional intermittent blast of hysteria, industry blues i guess. 
i slip in some appropriate music, 'we are the pigs' chimes out loud. a girl with a shaved head runs out of some dark foggy rain, she's holding a kitten. i open the door and let her jump in next to me, 'buckle up.'
i slam my foot down hard, no point in sticking around, my wipers working overtime, back and forth, hardly worth it as the water falls for a moment i imagine i'm underneath the water.
a truck moves past me, and a wave hits us on the side. it sends my car veering to the left, i let go of the wheel and let it come to a rest. the girl shrieks but keeps cool. it's a moment to shriek. the car slides sideways to a stop, we didn't hit anything and i head back onto the outer lane, moving free from the debris and car wrecks, heading north. the girl strokes the cat, the cat stretches out near the heater which blows out hot air. 
the rain starts to ease, my wipers work hard, i switch my headlights on and enjoy the road. in the distance up above, clear cloudless skies, a big full moon hanging in the sky. i pull out my moon powered zap gun, time for a recharge.

i must take this moment to say thank you to my two friends, tez and jeanie in brighton. these guys are beautiful people and i love them both, i'm really grateful that they were there for me. cheers guys, i had a lot of laughs, and this one's for you.

the shadow's encircle me, i trudge through the forest, grumbling and complaining the words of her majesty rotating and spinning through my head like an irritating song. the crystal sword begins to glow slightly and in the moonlight probably looks quite beautiful but i'm to miserable to appreciate it.

i find myself whistling and then suddenly stop as i ponder how i came to be living in a clique childhood tale. of course i had spent many years pondering my situation, regret weighed down on my like a heavy tombstone, two snorts had changed everything, sentenced me here for eternity.

although i had learnt how to live here i still never quite felt contentment, i never found peace or stillness and my life was filled with a longing to return home. but home was chaos, it was a place of war, greed, envy. t was a place where time ran out, it was a place where the skies were filled with pollution and the warring tribes bleating like sheep in an abattoir. i must confess my heart was conflicted. 

i attempted to be positive, after all fairy folk are always positive, there's the music, the books, the wonderful films people make, there's my friends...

i wandered deeper into the darkness, even the strange washed out moonlight failed to penetrate the darkness of the dark lands, and there i saw peering right out of the sky a pair off eyes. 

big red eyes towering above me, i steadied myself, thrust my sword forwards to illuminate. it was a monstrous shape, bulky and irregular but bipedal. i could see it's outline, make out thick layers of fleshy flab and fine sharp teeth, gnashed in shock as it watched me, long cheeks hanging down jowls wobbling as it made a grunting sound and loomed in closer to inspect me closer.

'what are you little thing, not a fairy that's for certain as i can be now.'

the voice was in contradiction to it's physical shape, seemingly friendly.

i considered its question, 'i am an explorer, just passing through.'

it brought it's large chubby fingers up to it's chin and looked bemused, 'well ex..ex..porer, this here is troll territory and you are trespassing.'

'ah so you are a troll then?'

'i'm a troll alright, ha ha,' i watched it shake as it laughed out, stomping from foot to foot finding something hilarious in my question, 'and mr. ex-porer what do you taste like?'

'i'm not fit for troll consumption actually, highly poisonous.'

the thing now stopped laughing and grabbed me with its fat hand bringing me up to it's face for a closer look.

'not fit for trolls. not fit for trolls hey trespasser, what shall i do with you, snap your bones and boil you up.'

about now i confess being very frightened, off course living in the fairly lands had desensitised me to a lot of this nonsense but i ad never been so close to a trolls mouth before and as i waved my sword about i could make out the pointy teeth were filthy yellow, rotting and the stench of trolls breath was enough to make me feel nauseous.

i looked at the sword and for a moment thought i could at least use it to plunge into the trolls fingers and then if my plan worked he would drop me and i could run off, but i was here for a reason and i needed to deal with the situation in confidence.

'listen troll, listen to me before you do anything hasty. we ex-porers are very poisonous and if you eat me or boil me you will die immediately a very painful death so put me down and i will tell you what i will do for you.'

the troll contemplated this, i could see the dim slow machinery of his mind, a piece of string and some old wooden cogs turning slowly as he considered my words.

okay when i say slow i mean really slow and i began to think he may just be to dim to take self preservation seriously, so i jabbed him hard with the sword, like rally hard, plunging it down into his hand.

i had enough time to withdraw the sword before he dropped me in shock and let out a bellow.

i fell onto my back and watched him hop around, tears streaming out of his eyes, 'you hurt me, my poor hand hurts.'

'yes, i didn't want to hurt you troll, that's why you must not eat me or harm me, for i am very poisonous for trolls.'

'your one of those pesky fairies ex-porer,' he whimpered,' come to hurt poor old troll.'

'fairies don't hurt trolls you know that. that's why you eat them, your a bully troll.'

'those bleeding unseelie's do hurts us trolls, we hate em ex-porer. are you unseelie?'

'no i don't know who they are but i wont hurt you, i came here to make you a special soup, a gift.'

'special soup, gift for troll, what trick is this.'

'why it's no trick at all, in fact i'll drink it with you and then you will know it's no trick.'

'mmm, troll is hungry, troll can't eat ex-porers bones because they are to poisonous,' he seemed to have forgotten about the stab wound and now appeared interested in my offer.

'what kind of soups is it?'

'a special soup for trolls. now be quick and get me your cauldron, i'll also need some vegetables, but no bones.'

the beast went clumping off into the darkness, i would only have a few hours before the sun rises so i immediately opened up my bag and started preparation.

he had brought me a pile of what i would say were yams, sweet potatoes, cauliflower's and barley, he offered them to me and proceeded to build a fire, placing the huge water filled cauldron on it's centre.

i added some garlic to the water, a few drops from a small bottle of sweet water which incidentally works on a homeopathic principle. i also added some of my herbs and then very carefully added the barley and the vegetables, finally sprinkling the heated mixture with my special ingredient. 

this better work i thought, else i will be in the pot.

the troll seemed to get excited, he was obviously hungry and in need of a meal. he danced around in a circle, singing, just like in a children's book i'd read when i was a child eons ago. 

i encouraged him to dance and yes i confess i joined in to, dancing around the cauldron like an idiot, hoping he would tire and his resistance wear down.

occasionally he would kneel down and stir the pot with a huge wooden spoon. then as the pot began to bubble i showed him the soup was safe but taking a sip from the spoon as he held it for me.

i can't say it tasted great, it's didn't but there was enough marijuana in there to put an entire country to sleep, and it was very strong.

the fairy marijuana is perfect, it's biodynamic, grown with love and the added magic faire use to make everything special. 

immediately i felt the narcotic effect as my lips warmed up and my body seemed to lighten itself.

'perfect,' i proclaimed, at which the troll picked up the cauldron and drained it dry gulping it down like a greedy, err troll i guess.
i watched him as he stumbled over laying on the ground with his tongue hanging out, his eyes rolling around looking for something to fixate on, which was of course me. i walked up to his face.
'no listen troll i made you a special soup and soon you will be fast asleep dreaming beautiful troll dreams but first you must tell me how i get home, back to the place i came from.'
i confess he was so discombobulated he could hardly get his words out, but he mentioned something about standing in a crystal circle and in the first ray of sunshine my hearts desire would come true, like a wish, he pointed to the woods, follow the path. 
there didn't seem any reason to distrust him although my experience with these trolls was negligible. as i backed away he asked, 'what are you ex-porer?'
'i'm a human,' i replied, 'just a human.'
he looked at me with a deeply penetrating look that and then he just said, 'the humans are the real trolls,' his eyes closed and he fell into a heavy sleep, snoring loudly.
as i prepared myself and started walking along the pathway i began thinking about his words, after all life here in the fairy realm was particularly different from my own and offered much more in the way of harmony and peace than in my own civilisation. i wouldn't have to ever deal with taxes, telephones and stupid cars. what was i doing, it was crazy, attempting to find my way back to the madness, when here i could be, happy. 
i found myself at the circle of stones, a mini stonehenge, beautiful crystals glowing with the fading moonlight. i sat in the middle of the circle and focused on my heart, waiting for the sun.
i must have sat there for forty minutes or more focusing on my breathing steading my mind. my hearts desire. when the sunlight hit me it was dazzling, i closed my eyes and knew when i opened them i would return, right back to the beginning, where i pace around worrying about my jazz cigarette situation. i could feel something happening, something special, sparkles, i imagined opening my eyes, i imagined seeing my friends, the witches and drinking their strange bitter teas, i imagined pacing up and down with a pile of unpaid bills. i opened my eyes! 

i don't know how long i spent in the fairy realm, it felt like years, years passing by, a lifetime, many lifetimes. i learnt to play the mandolin  i learnt to use a wand, yeah real magick not that complex chaos stuff, the real fairy kind, i even married a few of the cute little sprites, reared children, went a wandering, translated a few occult volumes from ancient faire to modern english. but i also wandered the realm, roaming like a mythological figure, from village to village, i even started a religion based on sex, but despite all these things i grew bored, restless and melancholic.
i missed my old life, the human one. yeah the one where i'm fighting telstra, struggling to pay my bills, the one where i get angry over politics and write stupid posts on my facebook page, i missed my son, he would probably be a grandfather by now, time slows down in this dimension. 
i had build a nice little place, a dwelling, near the lake of 'tranquil compassion.' it was made from honey oak and walnut trees, a kinda shack. i sat there in the afternoons, playing with the dragonflies and watching the sunsets with some of my fairy wives.
i mean these fairy women are pretty liberal when it comes to relationships and i figured i may as well indulge myself, there has to be some advantages, being trapped here, right?
we had feasted on honey cake and sweet water from the wells of joyful infinity and i guess were in a slight stupor  i was trying to light a fire with my wand, but the energy was somewhat mutated from to much hedonism and the pile of coals just kept transforming into various metals.
she arrived almost silently, it was the strange breeze and change in air currents that warned me she stood behind me.
'hey, long time no see your majesty.'
'i see you have made yourself quite comfortable captain.'
'yeah well i work at it.'
'well i bring good news, shall we sit down?'
'yeah yeah, go ahead make yourself comfortable, i'll get you a glass.'
she zapped the pile of zinc and it burst into flames, only now the zink was coal, i went to pour her a drink.
'it's been a long time, you haven't aged a bit.'
'we don't age here, one of the benefits of fairy land.'
'mmm, well i've discovered many benefits but i do miss home. you know i'd only just arrived back from an overseas trip. how many human years have i been here?'
'it's possible it is thousands.'
'mmm, wow, i wonder what it's like, those crazy humans would have either wiped themselves out or left the planet by now.'
'well that's what i need to talk with you about,' she took a sip of sweet water and looked at me seriously, 'there is a way back.'
'i'm not sure i wish to go back now i know thousands of years have passed.'
'you would return to the same point you vanished.'
'okay, that's got me interested.'
'well it's somewhat irregular but i requested my councillors investigate, they in turn have come up with the one and only way home for you, however you won't like it.
'i think i should hear it first, don't you?'
'quite. captain mission, basically you have to capture a troll.'
'that's ridiculous! there's no such thing as trolls.'
the fairy queen smiles at me, 'yes, there are, very very rare to sight one but they exist. they are the enemy of my people. they inhabit the shadow lands where we found you, usually they eat trespassers and often they will catch fairies as well.'
'what do they do with the fairies they catch?'
'trolls eat everything, they suck the marrow from bones and then boil the bones and make a soup, they are vile disgusting things.'
'so how does that help me.'
'well research indicates that if you capture one and spare it's life it has the duty to offer you one wish.'
'mmm, and how does one capture a troll.'
'that i can't answer. however, on a full moon like tonight, it's likely one would be out in the shadow lands looking for food.'
'fucking hell your majesty, you just keep bringing me the good news don't you.'
'i can take you there but i can't enter tonight, not on a full moon. the trolls would rip me apart.'
'trolls, fucking fairies and trolls!'
i looked around at my sleeping wives, my little cabin, i grabbed my shoulder bag, stuffed it full of potions i thought may come in handy and i laced up my boots. yes. did i mention that all fairies wear boots? you have to believe me i tell you no lies. 
so the queen and i transported ourselves over to the edges of the shadow lands, with a bag full of herbs and a crystal sword i prepared myself to catch a troll.
we materialised on the edges of the dark lands, already the temperature seemed to be falling as the eerie ambience of the forest weeped out, aevil stood hugging herself, looking around nervously.
i gave her a hug, 'go your majesty, no point in hanging around. it's been a pleasure to meet you and if i make it back perhaps you will remember you and your people have a friend in the human realms.'
she hugs me tightly and bats her green eyes in a sexy girlish kinda way that is slightly disconcerting. as i step into the darkness i hear her whisper, 'remember the code.' 

i'd been in voids before, darkness was a comfort zone, so i was not particularly scared but this wasn't exactly darkness, it was layers of shadows, like being in a two dimensional forest, silhouetted with gnarly black trees, i couldn't really see them clearly but knew they were there, against a dark background i found myself taking careful steps forwards through this wood, the floor felt soft and bouncy and the air tasted bitter, just like that nettle tea elesbeth had given me. no i wasn't scared of being in the darkness but i was getting freaked out slightly by the whispering chatter i could hear.
it was so soft it barely registered at first, but it was getting louder and it became clear, whomever was speaking was talking about me.
snippets of conversations registered but otherwise it all seemed discordant. 
'he should have listened to her.'
'he didn't.'
'wicked human.'
'ghosted himself.'
'wandering the realms'
i called out, 'elesbeth, is that you?
the sound of laughter, 'he's calling out her name but he's lost.'
'i heard that and i'm not lost,' i lied, 'i know exactly where i am. why don't you come out and talk with me.'
i carried on walking, one step at a time, i felt the sides of a tree, it did have a depth, it was huge, i couldn't really see details but felt the cold bark on the truck it seemed to recoil away, it's branches creaking and i quickened my pace heading towards the sounds of the laughter.
it didn't take me long to realise the laughter was moving away from me the more i attempted to close in on it so i stopped walking and stood still, waiting to see what would happen.
'fuck it, fucking stupid fairy dust,' the works slipped out, and i regretted them immediately. 
whatever chatter there was suddenly ceased. i was beset by a silence so unnatural it sent a shiver through my spine and for the first time i recognised fear. 
there was a breeze upon my face and then the sudden appearance of thousands of fireflies, thousands, perhaps millions, moving all over the place like a maverick swarm whose radars were broken, but almost seconds after this chaotic display the swarm took shape and assembled itself into a human shape. 
i watched as the tiny lights began to flicker off and the outline of a woman stood before me.
the lights in her eyes ablaze like some sort of fantasy creature from the kingdoms of tolkein.
when the detail came she was indeed beautiful, radiating a gentle kindness and divinity i could barely grasp, i fell to my knees. it wasn't even a conscious falling, i couldn't help it, for she was grace herself.
'i'm so sorry, i didn't mean to snort the fairy dust and i didn't really think its stupid. i am sorry, please forgive me, i don't know what came over me.' i was blabbering like a spoilt baby, not really possessing the faculty to cease. she put her hand upon my cheek, 'there, there, lost one.'
'where is this place' i asked?
'you are in fairy land now, a long way from home.'
i nodded thinking, off course i am in fairy land, where else could i be.
'you will come with me,' she waved her hands and some light seemed to pour out from her fingertips,'welcome to the opalarium.'
and indeed i was transported to a red room where upon the fairy queen, if indeed she was, stood before me, looking quite wonderful in her white sequinned dress and displaying her wings, that spread open about twice the size of her arms in length and seemed to comprise of some intricate web pattern that glistened and sparkled behind her. 
i tried to compose myself but i was still pretty shaken, i cursed myself for snorting the stupid dust, fucking idiot i should have listened to the god dammed witches.
'now captain mission, we have a problem.'
i wasn't sure how she knew whom i was, but i knew better to question the fairy queen so i listened to her carefully, 'you are an uninvited visitor to this realm and therefore ignorant of the laws, and i think i should explain some of the laws of the fairy queendom lest you find yourself in deeper shit.'
i nodded attentively. 
the first law is that love is the law, it conquers all in this universe, remember that mission or perish.'
'love is the law,' i repeated.
the second law can be summed up in these eloquent words, death before dishonour. you must keep your personal integrity at all times mission, even at the face of death, you know this to be true yet you have trouble applying this, in this universe if you transgress this law you will die.'
'i'll bare that in mind.'
'good now listen well to the third law mission. beauty is life and therefore your duty is to protect beauty although it is eternal it is fragile and must be defended at all times.'
'beauty is life, i understand.'
'good captain mission, i hope you do. for know that the next law is also very important and must always be adhered to. never forget a debt captain mission, that means you must never forget an act of kindness but equally never forget a cruel act. to do so will bring our harmony and balance into chaos.'
i nodded.
'these are the laws of the seelie court and you must now live by them for this is the code that will keep you alive.'
'okay i can do that.'
'no you can't do that, it's why you are here and not in your own mortal realm. you transgressed and therefore you have been punished.'
'punished?'
'yes you can never leave this court, never return to the mortal realms.'
'but i can't stay here, i have a dog, i have to go to work and then there's the kilbey kennedy show coming up, i can't miss that?'
'you failed to follow elsebeth's warning mission, you must pay the consequence of your folly.'
'please, i made a mistake but i can't stay here. you have to help me, i have to get home.'
'it's to late captain mission, you are in the land of the farie now, remember the code and you will survive.'
'yeah i get the code, its cool but i really need to return your majesty, please understand i just can't stay here.'
'you can plead all you wish but the answer is the same, you should accept it and enjoy the realm, it has much to offer, i can even give you wings.'
'what the fuck is this, i can't stay here, can't you understand. i'm not a fucking fairy. sorry, i'm just getting frustrated, i can't stay here, i have to get home.'
she stood immobile, my words falling into the space between us. 'please, i am so sorry i snorted the fairy dust, i'm really sorry, i don't know what came over me.'
'captain mission, there is no way out.'
'fucking hell,' i muttered, 'damm fairy dust, stupid witches. stupid....me.'
i had to accept it, trapped in the fucking fairy realm, i took a few moments attempting to compose myself. a few deep breaths, i stretched my limbs out, and slapped my face a few times, this has to be a trick, some kind of joke but it was sinking in now, this absurd situation.
i must have calmed down, i looked at the fairy queen, 'what's your name, is it titania?'
'mmm no actually it isn't. it's aeval, but i do like titania it has a nice ring, mmm, perhaps i will use that name now.'
'well titania, aeval whatever you are called, tell me something. does the fairy queendom have any marijuana plants?'

i'd run short of jazz cigarettes, this rarely happens and because i had recently returned from an overseas jaunt i was caught unawares so when i rang my dealer i was most distressed to learn she was out of town and not back for a few weeks. 
now, let me just say that there are many paces to pick up a bag of grass, however i happen to be very careful about what i smoke, and my preferences are for bio-dynamically 'grown with love' grass from a reliable and karmically pure source. 
i was fucked, i didn't have a plan b for a situation like this, it just never occurred to me that my dealer would take a holiday, i never thought i would run out.
i was pacing up and down like a lazy tiger trying to solve a conundrum, i made a few calls to some fringe dwellers i met a few years ago in the hills but hung up before they answered, i didn't want to do small talk and those fringe folk do small talk. fuck it, i opened my fridge and looked at all the other substances, herbal remedies, magic mushrooms, some african super viagra type plant medicine, a few smart drugs, mmm, nothing i needed at the moment. 
i drove down to the witches, they may be able to fix me up.
elesbeth opened the door and smiled, 'mission, come on in.'
'hey you look great els, how have you been?'
'i'm good, very good, we are all good.'
'where are the sisters.'
'ah they will be upset they missed you mission, you should have rang first.'
'ah yeah sorry, i'm wondering if you have any grass, i hate to ask but i'm out,'
elbeth looked at me disapprovingly, she was wearing a long cardigan and her reading glasses, nothing else. she poured me a tea, 'mission, i don't deal in that stuff, you know that.'
'yeah but i'm desperate and there's no one else to ask.'
she sat opposite me and watched while i sipped my tea, it was bitter and tasted awful, i spat it out.
'what the fuck is this els.'
'it's nettle tea mission, drink it up, there's a good boy.'
mmm those fucking witches had a way with me not many women have, i sipped the awful green liquid reluctantly.
elsbeth was lost in thought, i scanned the room, loads of books and astrological charts, bottles of weird shit, candles and a nesspresso coffee machine.
i knocked back the rest of the tea, 'mmm, it's not so bad, kinda nasty at first but seems to grow on you.'
'yes mission, it should help your bones,' she looked directly at me, elsbeth had a knack for getting me to do things i would never normally do, she was quite a soft spoken person and very attractive but she seemed to have this inner power and resilience that just opened up and peered into your soul, as if all secrets were open to her and nothing could hide. it's unnerving and to be honest a bit spooky which is why i don't often see the witches. but i think there's a sexual tension there to, something i'm somewhat nervous about, i mean these three witches are stunning ladies but they are kinda kooky, even for me. if it wasn't for my requirements i would not even be here.
'now mission, i can't help you in your weed department, but i have something else you may like to try.'
'err, mmm, well i do find you attractive elsbeth, you know that...'
'mission, i'm not suggesting that, i have some under the counter stuff. the girls all thought you should have it, we were waiting for your birthday.'
'oh, oh, i'm sorry, i thought...'
there was that awkward space, not quite long enough for me to fall into, '...you know.'
'mission this is hardcore gear, you must be careful, don't smoke it all at once.'
'okay elsbeth, okay whatever you say.'
she hands over a small silk pouch, pink, i open it up, it's half filled with a powder that looks like cocaine, except it's not white. it's purple.
'what is it, i've never seen anything like it, it has no smell, it feels like sand, looks like cocaine and tastes like...' i'm about to lick my finger and stick it in the bag but elsbeth stops me.
'no mission, not now, tonight, after sunset otherwise it won't work.'
'what is it?
'fairy dust.'
so after an awkward kiss goodbye, i hightail it back to mission control with my bag of fairy dust.
i spend the rest of the day cleaning up the garden, weeding, picking up leaves and mowing the lawn, waiting for the sun to set. i take a shower, clean myself up, brush my teeth obsessively and trim my unruly beard . outside it's getting dark, dusk, i figure i'll just prepare the powder but as i sit down i make a decision i will come to regret. i decide to snort the dust, not smoke it.
there's no explanation for my actions, it goes against all i know, i would never disrespect the witches or their gifts, i would never snort anything but the idea just seemed lodged in my head and began to determine my actions. in fact the idea i should smoke a little of the dust didn't even register, no, this was going up my nose into my brain and i was going to use it all in one huge line across the kitchen bench. fuck the protocols, the fairies won't mind, why should i listen to the witches anyway, they hold no power over me. 
i rolled up a crisp hundred and stuck it into my nostril, the line of purple dust went on about 20cm. i snorted half with one nostril and the remainder went up the other. i straightened my back, stretched up to reach the ceiling, my body needed a massage, it was tense and contracting. i couldn't feel anything but had a strange taste in my mouth, a dry sensation, so i poured myself a tea and sat on the lounge. the fairy dust wasn't working, maybe i should have smoked it after all. 
i sipped at the tea, and i must have closed my eyes momentarily for when i opened them i was not at mission control.



  

home, i guess they say it's where the heart is, mine's certainly in australia which despite all it's problems is a hell of a great place to live if you find yourself halfway through your life with  the post twentieth century blues.
that descent into sydney as you watch the coastline at dawn, split red shift on the horizon, the golden dawn indeed. see those misty snakes serpentine haze, winding along inland, like some whispy nervous system, that's just the fog over the river systems, it's looks organic, like some ancient tendriled creature. from up here it looks magical. 
ships and boats scattered across the coastline, looking like lost fragments, waves undulate in perfect sets, crisp green waterline as the surf hit's the pristine beach.
the valleys are lush concealed in a lake of mist as treetops push through, and the hills come rising out of dense bushland, like some prehistoric age. there's a few towns, empty roads, no cars visible, the plane banks to the left and my window is drenched in sunlight. later i see the beginnings of the city, familiar landmarks, the harbour bridge linking the land, the opera house like some weird birthday cake, those city monuments just surrounded by wilderness encroaching from all sides, we swoop down ready to land.
it's easy to be struck by the aboriginality of the land, it all makes sense from up here, the red yellow black flag, the dots and lines in the art, the landscape can't be escaped, it's embedded in the conciousness, not the unconscious. 
it's in my blood now, australia, separated from the rest of the world, completely unique, evolution occurred at a totally different process here, there's no place like it, home.  

t minus four and counting, electronic voice whispers, and i am reminded of gill scott heron as i slip into some sort of nitrus oxide gas induced vibe. some kind of lights flashing through the kaleidoscopic eye. i drift into the narcoleptic dreams of deep freeze cryogenics, in about 5000 years i'll be revived, billions of light years away but it will still be now.
can't escape that. 
earth was a nice dream, wonder what the news is, same old same old, the sun may have burnt out, the human population may have escaped into the stars, anythings possible in this strange old universe as long as they don't fucking meet me at the destination.
how much can a man take, all that war, greed, misery, i mean everyone has their limits right?
my thoughts flow, abstracting fast. the process kicks in, stasis sneaks up and lights begin to fade, my last thought is how lovely the scent of fresh mint is.

contemplating the peodophilic nature of england as exposed tv personalities hit the headlines, people from our childhood shows, our fucking role models and teachers, aged and fragile now, looking harrowed and defeated in the flashbulbs light, revealed to be monsters.

are they monsters?
who can say, it's an evil act there's no denying it occurs all over the world. what i can't seem to know is how it's used as a weapon, bribery, blackmail, people set up for manipulation.
a newcomer in the political game goes out for a drink with some colleagues and wakes up the next morning in a strange hotel. the next evening some men in nice suits appear and demand your political loyalty. 
that's it, your a slave. you're ideals are out the window, there's no way out, that picture is you but you can't remember a girl, a boy, you just had a few drinks after work.
everything is a weapon, from pedophilia, immigration, education, history, it's all very fucked up.
everything is a lie, those fucking nut jobs in charge need a good slap, living in their matrix is bad for my health, it's not what i'm about. stay away from most humans, keep your circle of friends small and trust worthy, that's it for today! 

a long way from home, seaside town, basking in sunlight the freak day of summer that managed to get over the line, that's where i find myself this morning, outside a slice of obscure history on the may day festival, as pagan rites and rituals are played out in a tiny village gathering. i've always had a soft spot for witches, although i don't align myself with their systems, i find myself sympathetic to their history, to their plight and movement. here they come spinning around, whirring dervish like, dancing and waving, the parade seems to flow like water, passing onlookers from afar, travelers and locals alike, children look bemused, virgins nervously glance, the green man hails the new season and everything shall come to pass.

i buy a postcard, i take a walk along the beach, i eat some good food, i drink tea, i talk with my friends, i make some vague plan. i wish i could stay here longer but i have to move again, moving and moving, through family, a few days oasis in calm and normality, peace and harmony, to the battle i must return. the savage chaotic nature of some weird inversion of love, dysfunctional and mean spirited maternal conflict, she never bonded with me, i was snatched from her arms at birth and placed in an incubator, she must never have really known if i would make it, and that must be the root of her suffering. either that or she hates me, it feels, either way i can't win for soon i will be wrenched back far away, ten thousand miles again.

brighton, england by the sea, small tiny homes, strange pebble beaches, narrow roads and lush valleys and downs, the trees speckled with colour, the birds hidden chirp, the cold wind sweeps across carried under a hint of sunlight and speckled blue skies, fighting to diminish the unnatural knitted cloud patterns. 
tez and jean, my two good friends in the south are escorting me through brighton's fringe, we join sargent pepper on his double decker bus painted white, exhibiting the art of peter blake.

the costumed folk, the thespian fools the clowns and jesters, the laughing shrieks of a child audience watching a man in a dressing gown running in circles threatening the wind for sabotaging his bubble machines. the spectre of fear as a small terrified conclave of adults watch transfixed at the sinister puppet show reaches it's its hideous climax. brighton rocks with tez and jean, whom i have not seen for three years, point out the features and landmarks, the building where half the conservative party was blown sky high, the tiny boathouses, the creative pulse of individuality, the little shops and narrow roads. the sinking sun casts the skies pink as we head home, how sweet it is down here on the english coast with my friends.
    
                              

back, after visiting family in israel, indeed the land of milk and honey, excellent foods, incredible technology, good roads very fast drivers, innovation nation, the glorious sunrise, the stunning ancient views, the hills and valleys from antiquity, every inch has a story, every stone a tale, each tree speaks of epics, each face a novel, the streets of tel aviv would put the word multicultural to shame in any western country, the art spills over everywhere, painting, sculpture, music and drama, you never really seen anything until you really have smoked hash with those girls from the golan, the ayahuscia is here, it reached out to me and embraced me like a long lost friend.   
but this trip was about family, hence my absence from writing posts,for i have an amazing family, a beautiful host of angelic women whom have married great men, who have all raised wonderful children. every single one opened up their hearts and souls, not to mention their homes and showed me the meaning of the word family. that little missing piece from my own life out in australia where i am alone.
i must thank them, from the bottom of my heart. i'll talk about them in later posts as i continue to process events and the situation i am currently in now i am back in the uk.